I was asked recently if it is common for women to have trouble climaxing. I replied yes. I added that younger women need to know their bodies and should not always rush it. And that "toys" are a great aid in this exploration. This woman was 27 and had 3 kids and never made it a priority. Amazing. She is a longtime friend and just confided it in passing. I was curious just how common this has been for our posters and veterans.

I am curious if we might attempt some orgasm success postings, with some things to consider including:

1) How old were you when you "sorted it out"
2) What method did you choose? Was it simple after that? Automatic?
3) Did you think you were not orgasmic
4) Is there a misconception about the female orgasm you wanted to share that might help other women reach that elusive spot.
5) What was biggest challenge? Was it psychological? Physical?

This info might prove helpful to many...

Ash

I think it is a great idea. I am 39years old and have 2 kids and have only just sorted it out. I think it would be great to help other women discover this wonderful thing, hopefully long before I did.

She said she used a small external vibrator but still no climax... just a tingle...
Maybe she needs something else? Internal?

What did you do? :-)

And after you sorted it out - could you every time?

A

I can identify with the 27 year old with 3 kids who sex wasn't a priority. Never had an orgasm til I was 30. Knew how to, but never cared.
So, #1. I was 30
#2. I used a vibrator, because my ex was no good in bed.
#3. I did think I was not orgasmic.
#4. My only advice is experiment and don't be discouraged.
#5, biggest challenge is psychological

Was it a little one for clitoral or a larger one for internal.
What was your "breakthrough"?
What was the psychological block?

This may be tougher than I thought to get answers - just like the big "O"

:-)

Ash, this is an interesting thought.

I'm just swamped right now, and only answering questions that NEED answers (or moderation!)

Let me get through this week, and I'll come answer for you :)

I was quite a young teenager when I had my first sexual experience,we were together for 8 years,from very early on I could orgasem,looking back I think it was just a fluk.. raging hormones!

In other relationships I could not reach orgasem unless I trusted my partner,and never orgasem with a one night stand.

For me,it starts in my head,if that's not right,if I cannot let go with my partner its not going to happen..

I suppose I was in my late 20's by the time I figured out what worked for me.

Nice answer "red"

I think we can create an invaluable resource here if more women share!

I did not have a serious relationship until my late 20's and had not even masturbated until then! It took me a year to orgasm in my first serious relationship, and it only happened because a friend gave me a vibrator - one of those slimline cylindrical devices for external use - and I experimented with it.

Since then I have tended to use the vibrator frequently as part of sexual intercourse, and also for masturbation. Orgasm has never been 'simple' for me, often dependent on mood and the external environment.

With my current partner (my husband), orgasms have been amazing. Again not always predictable but I have learnt not to judge the quality of the sexual experience by my capacity to have an orgasm. Both my husband and I have had full-body, multiple orgasms in the one session. I attribute this to the connection between us and the capacity to totally let go with each other.

An ongoing good sexual relationship and the capacity to orgasm is really not just a series of physical techniques or just physical attraction (clearly attraction is a component) it is also about love, trust and a deep connection with your partner.

Well said.

I have been "spoiled" by an easily orgasmic partner, but the older I get the more I realize how complicated and mental this important part of the human physiology is... I hope more people share so those that feel lost or insecure can see it is a process and some ways to get there...

I don't think that I am orgasmic. I've only had one orgasm ever since I've been having sex. I am 22. The last time I had one I was 20. Sometimes I get close to it but it goes away.

And I never played with toys before so I don't know if that's the problem

What is your relationship with mother? Father? Was your childhood peaceful? Does your BF try to figure it out with you?

Toys have helped a lot of people...

My relationship with my mom is great. Father is OK. My childhood was pretty peaceful. My mom and stepdad use to argue a lot and we would always have to move from place to place to place.

What do you mean does my boyfriend try to figure it out with me?

See I would know what kind of toys to get cause I never used them before

I don't have any girlfriends, so talking with others is nil...
I rarely climax with my husband of 25 years... but have no problem on my own
I've tried giving him hints, but he can't seem to get past his own fettish with my hair... lately getting worse because he has started traveling and we only try barely once a week... any help would be greatly appreciated

Any toy that stimulates you clitoris can be nice.
You might also want a penetrating toy if you think internal vibrations would be worth a try. Does your boyfriend patiently try to see what makes you orgasmic? Do you tell him what you like? Takes time...

I ask about parents because letting go sometimes is linked to parental issues and control issues... it can be a big thing to orgasm - as it means you are letting go. Your childhood moving from place to place and their yelling likely affected your ability to fully enjoy your time with a lover. It will happen though as you find peace and discover yourself... communication is KEY.

Another remaining issue:
For many, external stimulation of the clitoris can solve so much, but there are those that this external "trick" does not work. In this case, some internal exploration may help with it. A woman may know best on what they did...

I used to be envious of women who talked about the orgasms they had, it appeared to be so easy.

I think the articles that say about so many percent of women not being able to have orgasms easily make people who are having trouble, feel like it is normal.

I was always able to have a clitoral orgasm with external stimulation such as fingers or a vibrator or another sex toy though it sometimes took ages. I could never have one with penetration which upset my partner. I used to get quite anxious about it, as I really wanted to. I tried to communicate with my partner, though he just didn't seem to really get it.

I discovered e-books written by Gabrielle Moore, and Alex Allman. Fantastic! I read these with my partner, and it pointed out that there is a difference between women, and then depending on the mood of the woman, needs change. It also pointed out the importance of foreplay which builds the trust. My partner just wanted me to have an orgasm, so straight away he would stimulate my clitoris. I would immediately emotionally shut down, so then it would take ages. Both of us would sort or avoid sex because when we did have it it didn't appear to be that great.

These e-books talk a lot about anatomy and psychological issues that prevent women from enjoying the experience of sex. They reinforce the fact that we can feel pleasure now and that we deserve it and it is not something we have to wait for sometime in the future.

I have split up from him, though started having sex with someone else. I guess there aren't all the trust issues I had with my previous partner, though with this guy I have many wonderful orgasms both with penetration and with extrenal stimulation. As I have learnt a lot about my anatomy from these e-books I realise it is still a clitoral orgasm I am having with the penetration.

I am on the exciting journey now to finding my g-spot and what excites it. Something that I never knew was about the 'p factor' associated with the g-spot. I used to think I needed to go to the toilet, and then learnt that it is actually a reaction to my g-spot getting excited, so I used to get up go to the toilet and not explore any further. Now I know what it is, I tell myself it is just a reaction and it goes away in about 30 seconds. How could I never have known this? I am so excited about what I have discovered, I want all women to find out what it can really be like.

I hear so many women talk about clitoral orgasms by toy stimulation.
But there are those that their will not get them there. Is this possible?
Or do you think it is practice or an anatomy issue..

For me I have only been with three men. One was my first serious boyfriend when I was 17 and we only did it once then we broke up. Nothing with him. He broke my hymen so it hurt more than it felt good. Lol. Then I had what you might call a "sex buddy." we never really dated persay but we did have sex 3 or 4 times and nothing with him either. It wasn't even pleasureable with him. His penis was too long for me. Anyway, then there was the man that is my husband. Since day one (that's day one of having sex) I have had NO TROUBLE having orgasms. IT's quite easy and I easily get multiple orgasms in one session. For me, there really wasn't much to figure out. Just be aware of the placement of your body and which positions feel better than others. I have never had a problem with clitoral orgasms or g-spot orgasms. I can have both with ease. I guess I am among the "lucky ones."