Ask Me Help Desk - Living with mom, and hating it

Okay, so I live with my mother and her husband. My mom is an alcoholic and my stepdad is just an . Yes, my whole family has tried to tell her she is killing herself but she just brings up her father and blahhh. My dad never sees me because his new wife is apparently more important "this is my life, and i chose her" says my dad. My mom thinks giving me money is her showing love but I constantly try and tell her that I need a mother not a friend and even though I seem mature that I still want and need guidance. Though every time I get the chance to explain everything she already has a few beers in her. I have four older siblings and the one closest to my age is 5 years older than me. I feel that by now I should at least have more than two pairs of jeans but that's spoiling a child I guess. Im too young to have a job but too old to be spoiled. My boyfriend lives in Washington (long story.) I know my parents care and want the best for me but I can't take living here and with her anymore.
My oldest sister has 2 kids to take care of, my older brother have their own business and well my other sister lives with us. I need to get out. I was thinking about waiting till I am old enough to have a job and move the heck out of here.
Ohh and I'm not the worst kid. Yes I do smoke, but I don't drink (mother and all) I don't have any friends but that's because I take online schooling and spent the last year in a half with someone I cared about. I know friends are good and all but I honestly want to work on me and my future and not have to worry about texting or anything like that.
I have nowhere to go. I am going to graduate school this year which is a huge achievement in my family. And I'm only a sophomore. The stress my mother puts on me alone tares me apart. I used to see a pychiatrist but I stopped going because he creeped me out. Im tired of being treated like an adult but whenever it might be a decision my mom can gloat about, I can't make them. I have all the responsibilties that my sister has besides driving because my mom can't take me to get a permitt. I clean and do my own laundrey plus whatever goddess (mom) says. Fact I have been for a very long time. I need to get out of this town or at least my moms lame supervision but I don't want to hurt her. She is a good mom most of the time and I love her but its constantly just about her.

Am I wrong in this situation or what? I think no but tell me what you guys think and if so maybe advice or something could help me change or do something to make a change.
Oh and yes my boyfriend is an adult and we have been together for about 16 or 17 months.

You smoke,what do you smoke?

At your age you are tired of being treated as an adult,you are not an adult yet,what will happen when you are an adult?

If you can graduate,you can find work,babysit,deliver newspapers,clean houses for others,babysit, you get the point.

At your age,no,life doesn't seem fair,it's a phase of growth you are in,your not unique in this.

If mom won't take you to get the permit,how about a sibling,they are old enough.

You might want the psychiatrist in the future,you are in a dysfunctional situation,mom isn't there for you emotionally,father has abandoned you,step dad,well,I can't see what he is by your comments.

Leaving the situation won't resolve it,it'll just be avoiding the responsibility you have,YOU need to address these problems or they will haunt you for the rest of your life(regrets)

If the doctor wasn't to your liking,find another,and another till you find one who can help to your liking,you aren't stuck with just one,there are more than just a few doc's out there.

Maybe we can further discuss this at another time,Hope this helps,Ken

Quote:

Originally Posted by KBC

You smoke,what do you smoke?

At your age you are tired of being treated as an adult,you are not an adult yet,what will happen when you are an adult?

If you can graduate,you can find work,babysit,deliver newspapers,clean houses for others,babysit,,you get the point.

At your age,no,life doesn't seem fair,it's a phase of growth you are in,your not unique in this.

If mom won't take you to get the permit,how about a sibling,they are old enough.

You might want the psychiatrist in the future,you are in a dysfunctional situation,mom isn't there for you emotionally,father has abandoned you,step dad,well,I can't see what he is by your comments.

Leaving the situation won't resolve it,it'll just be avoiding the responsibility you have,YOU need to address these problems or they will haunt you for the rest of your life(regrets)

If the doctor wasn't to your liking,find another,and another till you find one who can help to your liking,you aren't stuck with just one,there are more than just a few doc's out there.

Maybe we can further discuss this at another time,Hope this helps,Ken

Okay I understand it's a "phase" whatever but no its not this kid wants to run away from her problems. Its my family causes them. I went to therapy so maybe my family would see that I'm not a terrrible person. My mom blames me for her divorce with my father, but it was his fault. My brothers and sisters ignore me and they're just friends basically. Friends that I don't get a long with and hate most of the time. My step dad is a douche, he thinks I'm his child to raise but doesn't do anything for me. I smoke marlboro reds, and I manage to pay for them myself. And I do not think that I will have regrets leaving an emotionally, physically abusive situation. If anything I would regret not leaving it sooner. My siblings really don't talk to me unless they're coming over to eat, but then they just leave right after. I have my future planned already, I know that everything can't go as planned but in my years of sitting by myself I have planned what I want to accomplish and what I have to do. I know saying there is something wrong is not the same as an excuse but I don't feel like I'm at this age. I feel so much older. Everyone says its because I have never had time to be a kid and they're right. But I'm not sure if taking any of this is worth.

I am sorry for your situation. You have been dealt an unfair hand. But there is help available for family members of alcoholics. This group: Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
Is Al-anon/Al-ateen, it's a 12 step support group that is free, anonymous, and worldwide. You can go there and be instantly treated like family. I am quite sure there are meetings near you. Please give them a try. It will totally change your life.

The members of this group will help you deal with your day to day problems. They truly know how it is like living in an alcoholic household.

I wish you the best. Just stick it out, and get help as soon as possible.

You mother needs to go to Alcoholics Anonymous, but that's not your problem right now. She has to be ready, and to hit "bottom".

Remember that your mother's problems, like her divorce from your father, is NOT your fault. The drinking probably had something to do with it, it usually does.

GOD bless you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

I am sorry for your situation. You have been dealt an unfair hand. But there is help available for family members of alcoholics. This group: Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
is Al-anon/Al-ateen, it's a 12 step support group that is free, anonymous, and worldwide. You can go there and be instantly treated like family. I am quite sure there are meetings near you. Please give them a try. It will totally change your life.

The members of this group will help you deal with your day to day problems. They truly know how it is like living in an alcoholic household.

I wish you the best. Just stick it out, and get help as soon as possible.

You mother needs to go to Alcoholics Anonymous, but that's not your problem right now. She has to be ready, and to hit "bottom".

Remember that your mother's problems, like her divorce from your father, is NOT your fault. The drinking probably had something to do with it, it usually does.

GOD bless you.

When she was pregnant with me, my dad decided he wanted a life without children. He repeatively cheated on her. He was my moms first love, he was the first boy to ever pay attention or even show interest in her. To know what he did to her, leaves me with no respect for him. I don't understand how after such a long time of being with someone, having 4 children and another one on the way how he could look in her eyes and say I'm not in love with you. My mom is an amazing person and it kills me to know how much hurt and pain she has indured her whole life. But drinking isn't the answer and I understand that. It would be better if she went and did it with other people, not just every night by herself. But thank you guys so much for your answers but we have tried almost everything and it doest work. She is following in my grandfathers footsteps and she might end up the way he did. But yeah thank you guys so much. And I think god is watching and giving us the oppurtunity to change and better our lives on earth.