The boyfriend is a nice guy but sometimes I think he is too nice. Recently the flatmate came knocking on his door crying she was having problems with the boyfriend and my boyfiend was the shoulder to lean on, I believed that. Then just yesterday he had another story that my distant cousin had slept in his oom because her boyfiend had another girl in his room so she was devastated and she was also too drunk to go to her own place. Funny thing is he tells me all this so last time I flipped over and I told him that I didn't like it at all and he had to change. Am I just being paranoid? :confused:

If in fact your boyfriend is the nice guy people come to when in trouble well fair enough,if you trust him...

I wonder about the cousin story,why did she not sleep on the couch?

In all this,I also wonder if perhaps that your still in love with your ex boyfriend,from your other thread,that things this time are not up to par.

All in all,if you trust him accept his story,if not,walk away.

No trust no relationship.

I don't think you're being paranoid at all- you are just feeling protective of your boyfriend.

If you trust this guy, and you know how to "claim your territory" (as my fiancé says when a group of girls talk to him and I grab his hand and hold it =) then you shouldn't worry.

It's okay to be protective of your man when it comes to other ladies, just don't let it get in the way of his freedom.

It's a good idea to talk to your boyfriend about how you feel, and talk to these girls too. Tell them that you don't mind it if they talk to your boyfriend and hangout with him, but sleeping in his room is unacceptable. (You may even come to the conclusion that you would rather he only hang out with girls while you are present.)

My fiancé and I have a rule where we won't be alone with the opposite sex (unless it's each other) without the other's consent. Not only can it cause jealousy, and the temptation to cheat, it doesn't look good to other people when they see your boyfriend running around with other girls.

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Originally Posted by tiara robyn

the boyfriend is a nice guy but sometimes i think he is too nice. Recently the flatmate came knocking on his door crying she was having problems with the boyfriend and my boyfiend was the shoulder to lean on, i believed that. Then just yesterday he had another story that my distant cousin had slept in his oom because her boyfiend had another girl in his room so she was devastated and she was also too drunk to go to her own place. Funny thing is he tells me all this so last time i flipped over and i told him that i didnt like it at all and he had to change. am i just being paranoid??:confused:

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If the situation were reversed, and your male friends came boo-hooing on your doorstep, some drunk, sleeping over and looking for comfort, would he like it?

I think his female friends are using him, because he is allowing himself to be used. They should be talking to their girlfriends, or somebody else, and not relying on him to be available when they have guy troubles.

If he were not in a serious relationship with you, then I wouldn't bat an eyelash, but, seeing as he is, you have every right to expect him to set some boundaries with his female friends in my opinion.

I know I wouldn't put up with it.

Thanks to redhed,jaime and jake. Your advice is all really helpful. I do think about my ex but not that I'm still in love with me he just never used to put me in compromising situations like this, so I do miss that. Well I got the apology I deserved however he insits I should learn to trust him so he is not taking all the blame he is turning it around on me a bit. Now I do not know what to do, forgive and carry on? ( but won't he take me for a walk over and do it again)leave him and move on ( that's because I really hate being disappointed and I wld rather avoid it than wait for it to reoccur? What would other people do I just want to know:confused:.

This guy needs to realize that it takes twice as long to build trust, as it takes to tear it all down. If he's blaming you for "not trusting him" I would have serious issues with that.
Try to speak openly, and calmly with him. Ask him if you can come to some middle ground. (As suggested before, he can hangout with other girls in your presence, etc.) Tell him you trust him, you are just trying to protect your trust from being hurt- maybe he doesn't even intend to hurt your trust, and is just doing this without knowing that it's potentially harmfull to your relationship, so try to be a good listener to him, and don't blame him: The best way to talk to a guy when you're in a heated situation is to put down his defenses.
If you guys are going to last, you should be able to carry on a civil conversation and end up with a resolution to this conflict.

I think that it is unusual for him to have relationships like this, with other women, or 'friends' as he calls them. I wonder if he spends as much time complaining to them about his relationship problems, or is it a one way street.

I think it goes beyond trust a bit, and is disrespectful to you. Not to be able to acknowledge how this makes you feel seems a bit of a stretch. He should be ablet o picture himself on the other side of the fense, watching you tend to male friends the way he does to female friends. I doubt he would be comfortable with that.

I don't understand his need to do this in the first place. Why he doesn't set boundaries, and expect others to respect them.

It really depends what you are comfortable with. You don't need to explain yourself further than you already have to him, and he's made it quite clear he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. So I guess it all boils down to choice.

The only person you have to answer to is yourself.