I have gone out of a 3 year relationship, about 4 months ago and I healed up almost completely thanks to NC and active healing.

I`ve lost weight and I started taking care of myself so now I am attracting a LOT more girls than before my break up, and I`m not even trying hard. My problem is that I don`t want to hurt any girl.

I don`t want to date and then break up right away, that`s not my style. But I do have these lingering thoughts that whoever I date, I will eventually break up with her because I want to experience more.

Also, I think I blocked myself from feeling too much for a girl (probably as a protection) and I`m just lightly interested to some of them. Some of my friends are just telling me go for it and see what happens, but I feel it`s wrong since I don`t have any strong feelings for them.

I was just wondering what is your take in the ethics of dating.

Ps: I`m not looking for sex specifically

Make one fast and true rule and then live by it:

"Speak the truth in kindness and care for others."

Longer... you can go out with anyone you want as long as you gently and respectfully speak truth at all times. That's very hard, and many people don't bother with it.

But as long as you let girls know you're fresh out of a relationship and just looking to go out and have fun with no expectations in advance... that should be fine.

And when you're "dating for fun" make sure you don't introduce boyfriend-type behaviors into the mix... ever. You're friends. That's all, right?

So go out as friends, dance as friends, hike as friends, vacation as friends... take as long as you need and enjoy the company of others in the meantime.

One day you will wake up and realize you are interested in more than just friends with a particular girl. At that point, honestly tell her that, too.

Why not just casually date, not girlfriend/boyfriend, but just go out on dates. Make sure the girl knows that you don't want to be exclusive right now, that you just want to date, have fun, meet new people.

There's nothing wrong with dating instead of "dating" if you know what I'm saying. :)

Dating is just that, date and find out more, I would hope that a large percent of your dates are either just one or a few dates as you find out about people and find they are not the one for you. This is the trouble most people make, they keep dating thinking someone will change or thinking they can put up with something about the other

And while looks help, as a over weight ( fat) almost bald, blind in one eye old man with a limp can tell you, I was able to date every weekend because I asked people out.

As to the 'ethics' question, it is unethical to use people, for any purpose. As you said, you don't want to date exclusively, only to have to end the relationship. That, to me, says that you are outside 'the norm' of the group think, that it is okay to use people for nefarious purposes.

That you are even considering the feelings of others, says a lot as to your character, and your own personal ethics. Don't let others pressure you into compromising.

Just be honest, and upfront. If you date, keep it casual, and if it starts to seem like the girl you're dating is heading into the relationship department, tell her that you are not interested in an exclusive relationship. You will be likely surprised that your honesty will be reciprocated in kind, and you may just have made a new friend.

Date with the intention to marry. Don't give your heart away to a girl unless you know that she is the one. You can know that by hanging out with her in different situations. Hangout with her, be friends with her and keep things casual before you decide to get serious. Make sure she also is out there looking for spouse material.

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Originally Posted by jaime90

Date with the intention to marry. Don't give your heart away to a girl unless you know that she is the one. You can know that by hanging out with her in different situations. Hangout with her, be friends with her and keep things casual before you decide to get serious. Make sure she also is out there looking for spouse material.

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So you never date someone that you don't intend to marry? How?

You have to date in order to find someone. Not everyone is going to be the one that you'll marry, that's why dating is important.

Just go out, have fun, meet new people, play the field a bit. That doesn't mean having sex with every girl you go out with, but there's no reason to get serious right away.

Dating with the intention to get married can turn a lot of people off.

The difference between dating and friendship, the way most people see it, is dating has more emotional involvement than friendship.
Altenweg, you are right when you say I never date someone that I don't intend to marry. Actually, I have never really "dated" anyone.
When I was about 14 years old, I decided that I wasn't going to give the key to my heart to a bunch of guys to find out which one didn't step on it. I wanted to be cautious when it comes to guys and not get "emotionally involved" with one until I knew for sure that I was going to marry him
You ask how you are supposed to do that. It's actually really easy, for me at least. I've spent time with guys since I was 15 years old. A majority of my friends were, and still are, of the male variety. I'm really good at relating to guys.
I would observe my friends in different situations. I would see how they acted and reacted to different situations. In group situations, in situations that involved just me and my family, in situations that involved me and my other friends. By being reserved, being friends, watching, and learning A LOT about guys in the meantime, I avoided the heartbreak that comes with "dating around," and I think (in my opinion) I have had the positive experiences of "dating" (being open and honest with guys, sharing good communication, laughing and crying with them, hanging out, etc.) without the negative things, and drama that comes with dating.
In my experience. I did not have to date to find someone. And it's true that not everyone is going to be the one you'll marry, which is why you should wait to make sure that the one you are dating, is the one you're going to marry.
If you're dating to go out, have fun, and play the field a bit, you're basically gambling with your emotions. (you're pretty much saying, "I hope this guy is the one, because if he's not, my heart will be torn apart." It doesn't sound too appealing to me)
Dating with the intention to marry CAN turn a lot of people off: because a lot of people are out there to mess around. Most people don't date to be serious about it until they start to get older and are ready to settle down with all this baggage that the 26 guys they dated have given them.
What I'm talking about isn't a fairytale either, it works. I found "the one" when I was just 16 years old. We were best friends BEFORE we started going out. We went into it, knowing that we were getting involved to get married. We have been together for 4 years and are now engaged. I found him without dating around, and I've given him my whole heart which, as my future husband, he deserves- not a heart that's been torn to shreds.

Jaime, I'm glad that worked for you, but you aren't the norm.

People date because that's the easiest way to meet people and get to know them.

Being friends first is great, but just being friends, not going out on dates, not holding hands, kissing, having fun in a romantic setting, I can't see how it would work.

I dated a lot of guys and because of that I allowed my heart to get broken a few times. I lived and learned.

I met my husband at 19, we married at 24 and we're still together, married for 14 years, together for half our lives. When I met him we dated with the intention of having fun, then, after many months we fell in love, then after a few years we decided to marry.

In other words, my way works too. ;)

By no means am I shoving my idea onto everyone else, I hope it's not coming off that way!
Different things work for different people, I just believe that the easiest, and best way to go about it is with marriage in mind.
I'm not saying that all other methods are useless and stupid. They aren't. I'm just stating what I believe to be the best choice.