Hello everyone -

I'm new here and I hope you will help me to find my a solution.

The thing is - that me and my girlfriend broke up 3 weeks ago, we were together for 6 months. Neither of us were being dumped, it was just a mutual agreement. Since that day - I have realized that I love this girl more than anything in the world. I just needed a time of to realize that I did. Since then I have done few really stupid things.

First of all I called her the day after we broke up. We had a nice chat. About a week later I came surprisingly to her house. She looked happy to see me, and asked if I wanted to come in. I went inside and we had a really nice chat for about 45 mintues. In the end I asked her if she wanted to give "us" another try. She really thought it over and said that she didn't want to be in a relationship now. For the past few weeks she had been talking a lot about a guy, who was an old friend. I had gotten the though in my head that she had been seeing him behind my back. So I decided to confront her about that but explained that I just started thinking about that. She said no... and said that she understood we I asked her.

The weekend after I met her downtown at a club. We had a nice chat but somehow it ended in us fighting over nothing. I felt really bad and went to her house before I went home (knew she was having an afterparty) - but she wasn't really happy to see me. I sensed that so I just went home before she got annoyed.

Few days later I sent her an e-mail were I apologized for the question about the guy- and admitted that it was immature and simply rude. She accepted my apology. After I received that answer I decided that I was going to give her time and that I wasn't going to contact her at all for a little while.

The facts about our relationship are:
We almost never fought
We respect each other
I was to needy
Sometimes I got a bit jelous that she wanted to spend time only with her friends not me.
I was moving when we broke up, and I took her to see my new place, but I think she might have misunderstood me. I don't want her to move in... I think she thinks that I want her to move in with me.

I know that being needy and jelous is wrong - but I didn't realize at the time that I wasn't losing her even though she didn't want to spent every moment with me. I know that It was wrong.

Could anyone give me any advice on how to behave now. Should I still have No Contact,
Should I call her, should I continue going out and make myself unavailable... What should be the next step

I know that all of her friends like me, and all of my friends like her. She's a wonderful person and I miss running my fingers through her hair, gazing into her beautiful eyes, lying with her in bed talking about nothing.

I miss this girl so much - and I can't just let her walk away.

I need advice :)

Sincerely yours,
Kelso

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kelso

Hello everyone -

I'm new here and I hope you will help me to find my a solution.

The thing is - that me and my girlfriend broke up 3 weeks ago, we were together for 6 months. Neither of us were being dumped, it was just a mutual agreement. Since that day - I have realized that I love this girl more than anything in the world. I just needed a time of to realize that I did. Since then I have done few really stupid things.

First of all I called her the day after we broke up. We had a nice chat. About a week later I came surprisingly to her house. She looked happy to see me, and asked if I wanted to come in. I went inside and we had a really nice chat for about 45 mintues. In the end I asked her if she wanted to give "us" another try. She really thought it over and said that she didn't want to be in a relationship now. For the past few weeks she had been talking a lot about a guy, who was an old friend. I had gotten the though in my head that she had been seeing him behind my back. So I decided to confront her about that but explained that I just started thinking about that. She said no...and said that she understood we I asked her.

The weekend after I met her downtown at a club. We had a nice chat but somehow it ended in us fighting over nothing. I felt really bad and went to her house before I went home (knew she was having an afterparty) - but she wasn't really happy to see me. I sensed that so I just went home before she got annoyed.

Few days later I sent her an e-mail were I apologized for the question about the guy- and admitted that it was immature and simply rude. She accepted my apology. After I received that answer I decided that I was gonna give her time and that I wasn't gonna contact her at all for a little while.

The facts about our relationship are:
We almost never fought
We respect each other
I was to needy
Sometimes I got a bit jelous that she wanted to spend time only with her friends not me.
I was moving when we broke up, and I took her to see my new place, but I think she might have misunderstood me. I don't want her to move in...I think she thinks that I want her to move in with me.

I know that being needy and jelous is wrong - but I didn't realize at the time that I wasn't loosing her even though she didn't wanna spent every moment with me. I know that It was wrong.

Could anyone give me any advice on how to behave now. Should I still have No Contact,
should I call her, should I continue going out and make myself unavailable... What should be the next step

I know that all of her friends like me, and all of my friends like her. She's a wonderful person and I miss running my fingers through her hair, gazing into her beautiful eyes, lying with her in bed talking about nothing.

I miss this girl so much - and I can't just let her walk away.

I need advice :)

Sincerely yours,
Kelso

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She will never come back to you... you can not be needy, I suggest cutting your losses and finding someone else, letting her drag you around on her coat tails will only lead in you being hurt some more.

I most certainly hope you're wrong... :)

I'm not so worried about the needy thing, because I can work that out. I have realized that I did some mistakes I wouldn't do again.

I'm more worried about me having accused her of seeing anyone else... :(

Kelso

Hi, Kelso. Sorry to tell you but you are in denial that his thing is over. Except it and stop all contact so you can start the healing process. Until you come to the conclusion that your pushing against a brickwall you will be making yourself miserable. Give yourself a chance to heal and see things clearly by not contacting her or her friends and working on building a positive healthy life without her.

Another PRIME example of the 'No Contact rule'.

I have a storng feeling this guy would have been better off saying - "what ever you want - bye" - and not contact - in a few weekes she would be contacting him.

Also - YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT OTHER GUYs!! EVER! There will always be other guys until you are completely serious. It's very jealous, needy, insecure - not attractive. You don't care.

Of course I know it is very childish, insecure and not attractive to think of other guys. In fact I didn't think of other guys until after we broke up. It was just the image that kept popping in my head. It was very stupid of me to bring it up to her. Especially because we were already broken up. I really regret that.

I've been using the no contact rule for the past 7-8-9 days and it has been going okay. But of course I can't help thinking of her.

Thanks for your advices guys, I really appreciate it and I will listen to you guys... at least until next weekend :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Hi, Kelso. Sorry to tell you but you are in denial that his thing is over. Except it and stop all contact so you can start the healing process. Until you come to the conclusion that your pushing against a brickwall you will be making yourself miserable. Give yourself a chance to heal and see things clearly by not contacting her or her friends and working on building a positive healthy life without her.

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I agree 100% - You must learn to let go and start to find yourself again! Keep busy and go out with friends etc - before you know it she will be a distant memory and you will wonder what all the fuss was about (trust me been there many times) - soon you will put it down to experience and best of all you will learn from your mistakes which will make any new relationship in your future 100% stronger.

Oh man, ain't love a b!tch! This sounds like a first love experience to me. It's funny, but I have found that guys, for whatever reason, fall hard for their first loves and spend the rest of their lives comparing all future girlfriends to their first. The bad news is this will probably be the worst pain you will ever feel and it will take time for your wounds to heal. The good news is you will never have to feel this kind of pain again because you will carry it with you forever. I don't mean you will hurt all the time, but your subconscious will hold on to these kinds of experiences and protect you from them in the future. This will also make you a better person. As you said, you will learn from your mistakes and you will fight to not make the same ones in future relationships. This is how we mature as people. Not to worry though, there are whole new sets of relationship mistakes for you to discover. This is why people say the 3rd marriage is a charm; it takes that many times to get it right. Everyone who has responded is giving you good advice, whether you want to hear it or not. First of all you are acting pathetic and no one, not even your recent ex-girlfriend, wants to be with someone who is pathetic. DO NOT CALL OR CONTACT HER. You need to spend the next several months rediscovering who you are and getting back to the Kelso you were before you met this girl. Go out and discover new routines with new friends. Call old friends and reunite those relationships. Rebounding can be a joyous and memorable time, like turning 16 and getting your license. You will experience things in a whole new way, so take advantage and who knows, after some time, you may run into this girl and start things all over again, but you can't force it. You also may find that you no longer want to be with her. My first girlfriend has put on 80+ lbs since we were together and, although, I still shake a little on the few occasions I run into her, I would not be with her. The cliché is true Kelso, all things really do get better with time. Feel fortunate you were able to feel true love, we are not all that lucky. All good things really do come to an end and now this chapter in your life has ended. Take with you what you have learned and don't regret the past, but instead look forward to a new, exciting chapter of your life you now get to write. I know it is not that simple, but try your best to live your life with all this in mind. Here is a really cool thing; you will become so much wiser because of this experience. You are living one of the most valuable lessons you will ever learn. I wish you the best of luck Kelso; I hope you listen to the people who have been in your shoes. Peace Out!

Thanks for your advice dude - It's been a while and I had completely forgotten about this post until I received an e-mail earlier today :)

It's true what you said, that it does hurt like hell to begin with. But as the time went by I just started thinking that I couldn't live my life like this. Constantly thinking about someone who doesn't want to be with me. I've got billions of qualities and I've already found another girl who I'm sharing my qualities with :)

I met this girl few weeks ago, and even though I haven't fallen in love yet, I can still see that we have a lot more in common that my ex and I. I consider myself lucky that our relationship ended that soon because it probably would have ended someday, not meant to be for life. And it hurts less after a shorter period.

Thanks for your advice and support, I appreciate it... ;)

Outstanding!!

Another reason for the no-contact.

You actually find someone you're comaptible with.

And realize the old gal might not have been so great.

I really thnk people love the idea of a 'relationship' and not so much that person. They don't want to be alone - a lot bad marriages are set up that way.

VERY nice to hear an out come like this. I know it was very HARD for you. AND I bet you learned a ton.

Sometimes we are sent certain people in our lives to learn and grow - but they're not meant to stay.

GO SLOW with this new gal. No rush. Be busy with other things in life.