Ask Me Help Desk - Strip club

Strip club

My wife and I have been together for going on 5 years now. I am currently in the military and serving a tour in Afghanistan. When I went through Fort Riley, KS, 2 other guys and myself went to an all nude strip club called temptations, this is the very first time I have done something like that since we have been together. It was a spur of the moment decision and I really wasn't thinking. The bad thing is, I tried to hide the fact that I went from my wife and she found out by one of my bank statements in the mail.

My wife has lost all trust in me no matter how long ago it was and how many times I apologize to her. I went home on mid tour leave and we are still extremely sexually active, but she doesn't want to consider what we have a marriage and continues to say things like "she has the most hatred for me than anyone else she knows" and it makes me really upset.

It has been almost a year since the incident and she is still upset about the whole ordeal. I don't know what else to do to make her realize that I am sorry and I don't want to ever do it again because it has caused her so much hurt and anguish.

First I would like to say Thank you for serving our country.. 2ndly.. OOPS!and 3rdly in my opinion she may never let it go and she may never forgive you.Do you have children together?

We do have a daughter together, she is going to be 4 shortly. That is exactly what she says, that she will probably never let me get over it. No matter all the good things I may do for her.

Have things changed? Does she treat you like crap or do you 2 get along fine. You just have to work on earning her trust. There may be a day she fully trusts you again. Then again she may never trust you. You can hope for the best here or move on. Oh and thanks for fighting for our country.

I'm a little confused about what went on at the strip club - why there were charges on your charge card. Were you getting lap dances?

As "Adam" said - she may never trust you; she may trust you. At any rate, she hasn't left you.

Obviously this was important and upsetting to her, possibly more about the money you spent and the lying than the actually going to the club.

Old saying
For a million things you do you shall never be remembered
For one thing you do wrong it will be remembered for your life

If I was your wife I would forgive, everyone can make mistakes particullary when out with the boys !

Things have not changed. We get along just fine when I am home. I spend as much time with her and my daughter as I possibly can while I am home. I think deep down inside she wants to forgive me, but she may think it is too early for forgiveness.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christofanman

Things have not changed. We get along just fine when I am home. I spend as much time with her and my daughter as I possibly can while I am home. I think deep down inside she wants to forgive me, but she may think it is too early for forgiveness.

I'd sit her down, have the conversation AGAIN and ask her when/if she is going to "forgive you."

Is she upset about the strip club, the money or the lie?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christofanman

I think deep down inside she wants to forgive me, but she may think it is too early for forgiveness.

Hello C:

Too EARLY?? A YEAR is too early?? For going to a STRIP CLUB?? Dude!

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'd sit her down, have the conversation AGAIN and ask her when/if she is going to "forgive you."

Is she upset about the strip club, the money or the lie?

More about the strip club and the lie. It was the whole reasoning as to why I felt I needed to go to the strip club as if I thought she wasn't good enough. I keep telling her over and over again that it was a one time ordeal. She doesn't believe anything I say because I am so far away and she can't see what I am doing on a daily basis.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm a little confused about what went on at the strip club - why there were charges on your charge card. Were you getting lap dances?

As "Adam" said - she may never trust you; she may trust you. At any rate, she hasn't left you.

Obviously this was important and upsetting to her, possibly more about the money you spent and the lying than the actually going to the club.

The charges were that I had to pay to get in and I was paying for some of my friends' drinks. I didn't get any lap dances but we were throwing dollar bills on the stage like everyone else.

This has been the 1st and only time that I have been to a strip club while being with my wife and we have been together for 5 years.

Quote:

Originally Posted by penny41

old saying
for a million things you do you shall never be remembered
for one thing you do wrong it will be remembered for your life

if i was your wife i would forgive, everyone can make mistakes particullary when out with the boys !

You are right and this has been the biggest mistake of my life. I didn't know that it was going to have such a profound effect on the way my wife thought of me as a person. If I had known the pain it was going to cause her emotionally, I would have never done it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello C:

Too EARLY???? A YEAR is too early??? For going to a STRIP CLUB????? Dude!

excon

I guess every female is different and takes different times to forgive people for something that they did. I don't understand, but I want to give her as much time as she feels she needs to forgive me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christofanman

It was the whole reasoning as to why I felt I needed to go to the strip club as if I thought she wasn't good enough. I keep telling her over and over again that it was a one time ordeal. She doesn't believe anything I say because I am so far away and she can't see what I am doing on a daily basis.

Hello again, C:

Sorry to break it to you, but there's TWO kinds of women in the world: Thems who trust you - and thems who don't.

We KNOW why you went to the strip club. You KNOW why you went. The whole world KNOWS why you went. Your wifey doesn't. Your wifey NEVER will.

Now, if it were me, I wouldn't/COULDN'T live with a partner who didn't trust me - especially when I did NOTHING wrong... So, I'd have to split.

excon

Salvo

Seems to me that your wife doesn't understand what happens at strip clubs

Its like window shopping with no chance of purchasing, all tease and nothing else

Sure I can understand why she would be upset, deceit is always mistrust, but seen as you had no lap dance personally and as you say you were just looking, then wow!!

Do she know what happens in these clubs or thinks it's a bordello house?

Quote:

Originally Posted by phlanx

Salvo

Seems to me that your wife doesnt understand what happens at strip clubs

Its like window shopping with no chance of purchasing, all tease and nothing else

Sure I can understand why she would be upset, deceit is always mistrust, but seen as you had no lap dance personally and as you say you were just looking, then wow!!!

Do she know what happens in these clubs or thinks its a bordello house??

I believe she thinks that every strip club is like a whore house. She thinks that all men that go to strip clubs are pigs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christofanman

More about the strip club and the lie. It was the whole reasoning as to why I felt I needed to go to the strip club as if I thought she wasn't good enough. I keep telling her over and over again that it was a one time ordeal. She doesn't believe anything I say because I am so far away and she can't see what I am doing on a daily basis.

This is not going to be a popular response so I am going to brace myself for criticism.

That having been said - I think she's making a great big deal out of what basically is nothing IF the problem is simply going to the strip club.

Would I have a problem with my husband going to a strip club? No. Would I consider it a threat or insult to me? No. Maybe I'm not easily threatened. I don't know

Would I have a problem if he lied about it? Yes.

Why? Because I would wonder what else he was lying about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christofanman

She thinks that all men that go to strip clubs are pigs.

Hello again, C:

I say again, I wouldn't/couldn't live with someone who thought that of me. I also wonder where your balls went. Aren't you the guy who wasn't afraid to face an enemy who had a gun pointed at your head, but you're afraid to let your wife know what's up??

You DID mention above, that she doesn't trust you because you weren't around to be WATCHED!! Dude. You're going to be WATCHED for the rest of your life.

Say bye bye.

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

This is not going to be a popular response so I am going to brace myself for criticism.

That having been said - I think she's making a great big deal out of what basically is nothing IF the problem is simply going to the strip club.

Would I have a problem with my husband going to a strip club? No. Would I consider it a threat or insult to me? No. Maybe I'm not easily threatened. I don't know

Would I have a problem if he lied about it? Yes.

Why? Because I would wonder what else he was lying about.

I would have to agree with you on that. We have been together so long though, she knows me inside and out. She says that I am a changed person now that I made that huge mistake. That she doesn't know me anymore. I've actually tried to find her a male strip club to go to and maybe it may change her views on the whole situation.

When I am home, I am with her everyday, she knows where I am at all the time and I tell her everything that I am doing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello again, C:

I say again, I wouldn't/couldn't live with someone who thought that of me. I also wonder where your balls went. Aren't you the guy who wasn't afraid to face an enemy who had a gun pointed at your head, but you're afraid to let your wife know what's up???

You DID mention above, that she doesn't trust you because you weren't around to be WATCHED!!! Dude. You're gonna be WATCHED for the rest of your life.

Say bye bye.

excon

We have a great relationship, so I am not going to let her go. Plus we have been married for 5 years and have a daughter together. It would be a nightmare to cut off everything that we have together,