Hello. I have a question. Its been roughly a year now that I broke up with my ex. I can say I'm okay now and ready to move on. Its time for me to get back into the game. I started flirting with some girls and its pretty exciting! My friend said that I should experience been a player like him.

He has been with lots of women just to have a good time and nothing serious. After he has got a women in bed, he doesn't contact them anymore after. He told me maybe I would like being a player. I was wondering if there is anything wrong with that and if I should test out this kind of lifestyle?

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Originally Posted by LifeAfterYou

I was wondering if there is anything wrong with that and if i should test out this kind of lifestyle?

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Wrong in this sense is an ethical concept, so you would have to answer that for yourself, but I believe the majority would say yes. More practically, such a course is likely to have increased risks for the following and is therefore undesirable:

• Acquiring a sexually transmitted disease.
• Accidental pregnancy and the resulting financial burden.
• Meeting a woman who once loved and left would make your misery or death her life goal (or possibly her family members).
• Waking up missing a kidney or other significant organ.

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Originally Posted by LifeAfterYou

Hello. I have a question. Its been roughly a year now that i broke up with my ex. I can say im okay now and ready to move on. Its time for me to get back into the game. I started flirting with some girls and its pretty exciting! My friend said that i should experience been a player like him.

He has been with lots of women just to have a good time and nothing serious. After he has got a women in bed, he doesnt contact them anymore after. He told me maybe i would like being a player. I was wondering if there is anything wrong with that and if i should test out this kind of lifestyle?

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Let me ask you something.

Would you be okay with a girl doing it to you? Having sex with you then never contacting you again?

Your friend isn't a player, he's a loser. So it's your choice.

The difference between a player, and dating for fun, HONESTY.

A player doesn't care how he gets what he wants so he will lie to get it. He is a selfish user. People are only an object to be used for his needs.

I think you would be happier, dating for fun, and being honest with those dates.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Let me ask you something.

Would you be okay with a girl doing it to you? Having sex with you then never contacting you again?

Your friend isn't a player, he's a loser. So it's your choice.

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Wrong analogy, it shows that you're thinking like a girl lol. Yes he would probably like that, it's basically what he is looking for. Heck, I would like it if the girl sleept with me but didn`t call me back (I wouldn`t do the contrary though).

His friend isn`t technically a loser, but most probably a dumba$$.

I had the option of becoming a player, but it takes a lot of integrity not to become one.

There is practical reason for it though. If you make a girl pregnant and she doesn't want to make an abortion, what do you do? You become the father of an unwanted child. I'm helping one girl friend who is pregnant, and I can tell you, it's not pretty at all.

You will have a bad reputation. And really, do you have the heart to be that cold to another person?

Do I open up my life once more just to prove a point? Okay fine, I will.

OP, I am female so I guess the word player doesn't apply,but back in the day, before I became who I am now, I slept around a bit. I wasn't looking for love, because back then I didn't think it existed. I wasn't looking for a relationship, because that would only hold me back from doing what I wanted and who I wanted to do. I just wanted to have fun and I hurt a lot of people along the way.

Paxe, you said that I was thinking like a girl, that most guys wouldn't mind having a woman that just wanted sex and then never called again. That's not true of most men. In fact, my experience is that most men want more then just a one night stand, I had the stalkers to prove it. ;)

The point is, I realized that what I was doing was not only dangerous to my health and my well being, but it wasn't nice. If you mess around with people's feelings then you'll pay sooner or later.

I got lucky. I found a guy that wanted to be "just friends" first. We hung out, we had fun, and then he got under my skin. We've been together for half our lives, since we were 19, married for 14 years, two great kids. I was wrong, love does exist.

I can't change my past, but you can change your future. Being a player isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sooner or later you realize that you're just alone, that none of these girls really care about you, that a lot of them are using you just like you're using them. If you have any feelings at all, this won't go well.

Stick to who you are, a good guy. Date, have fun, but don't be a player.

Honestly, I might as well just right my biography and post it on here, then I can just say "see chapter 12, paragraph 2, the threesome story and why you shouldn't do it".

Shoot me now. ;)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Do I open up my life once more just to prove a point? Okay fine, I will.

OP, I am female so I guess the word player doesn't apply,but back in the day, before I became who I am now, I slept around a bit. I wasn't looking for love, because back then I didn't think it existed. I wasn't looking for a relationship, because that would only hold me back from doing what I wanted and who I wanted to do. I just wanted to have fun and I hurt a lot of people along the way.

Paxe, you said that I was thinking like a girl, that most guys wouldn't mind having a woman that just wanted sex and then never called again. That's not true of most men. In fact, my experience is that most men want more then just a one night stand, I had the stalkers to prove it. ;)

The point is, I realized that what I was doing was not only dangerous to my health and my well being, but it wasn't nice. If you mess around with people's feelings then you'll pay sooner or later.

I got lucky. I found a guy that wanted to be "just friends" first. We hung out, we had fun, and then he got under my skin. We've been together for half our lives, since we were 19, married for 14 years, two great kids. I was wrong, love does exist.

I can't change my past, but you can change your future. Being a player isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sooner or later you realize that you're just alone, that none of these girls really care about you, that a lot of them are using you just like you're using them. If you have any feelings at all, this won't go well.

Stick to who you are, a good guy. Date, have fun, but don't be a player.

Honestly, I might as well just right my biography and post it on here, then I can just say "see chapter 12, paragraph 2, the threesome story and why you shouldn't do it".

Shoot me now. ;)

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Technically, I said him and I would like girls sleeping with us and not calling back. I don't have any emotional problem so I can take the pain (or pleasure depending how you see it :D ). I wouldn't do it to other girls though, that's not who I am.

Btw, you had a threesome? Now THAT'S a story I want to hear.

Hmmm I guess I'm getting this all wrong. What is the difference between a player and a guy that dates for fun and knows how to impress a woman?

I definitely would like a girl that is committed but I guess I wouldn't mind sleeping with a girl with no commitment as long as its mutual and they aren't looking for anything serious at all. How about protection? That can prevent pregnancy and stds.

Eventually I would want to settle down and find love but I don't know if I can sleep with a woman and not have feelings for her afterwards I just might end up with a heartbreak.

Speaking of threesomes, my ex was a twin and I had a threesome with her and her sister. Caused lots of problems afterwards but at first we thought it was a good idea. >_<

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Originally Posted by LifeAfterYou

Hmmm i guess im getting this all wrong. What is the difference between a player and a guy that dates for fun and knows how to impress a woman?

I definitely would like a girl that is committed but i guess i wouldnt mind sleeping with a girl with no commitment as long as its mutual and they arent looking for anything serious at all. How about protection? That can prevent pregnancy and stds.

Eventually i would want to settle down and find love but i dont know if i can sleep with a woman and not have feelings for her afterwards i just might end up with a heartbreak.

Speaking of threesomes, my ex was a twin and i had a threesome with her and her sister. Caused lots of problems afterwards but at first we thought it was a good idea. >_<

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Protection isn't 100% against pregnancy or STDs, so if you're counting on that you're going to get burned sooner or later if you decide to sleep around.

What's the difference between a player and a guy that dates for fun? Sex. It's that simple. A player is only looking for sex, with as many girls as possible. Dating for fun can involve sex but usually because both parties are interested, not because one party just wants another notch on his bed post.

If you want to find love one day, what do you think your future wife will think if you decide to do this? Do you think she'll be impressed that you had sex with girls and then never called, never cared what happened to them? Most girls don't find that an attractive quality in a man.

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Originally Posted by paxe

Technically, I said him and I would like girls sleeping with us and not calling back. I don't have any emotional problem so I can take the pain (or pleasure depending how you see it :D ). I wouldn't do it to other girls though, that's not who I am.

Btw, you had a threesome? Now THAT'S a story I want to hear.

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I can't tell you the threesome story unless I see some ID. ;)

I can tell you that it was a very bad idea, both guys (yes, two guys) were dating sisters and I also had a boyfriend. The two sisters wanted to beat the crap out of me, my boyfriend did beat the crap out of me.

I'm still friends with both the guys. We were young, stupid and realized that we had made a huge mistake but that our friendship was more important that any of that.

I've lead a weird life. ;)

A player is calculating and smooth, a trickster with no morals or heart.
A guy that just wants to date and have his fun, just as smooth, but has the heart to share his intentions. More upfront than a player.

A player is someone who has absolutely no concern for the women or man that he/she "plays" other then to have sex. A player is dishonest and will say and do whatever it takes to get to the goal, often causing emotional damage to the victim of the "game" and then as your friend does - no longer contacts them.

Dating for fun is all about being honest and upfront. You let the woman or man know that you are not interested in anything serious and you do not try and hide your intentions with lies and smooth talk.

There are plenty of women out there who are looking for this sort of dating. Not all women want or are ready to commit. There's no real point in targeting a women and possibly breaking er heart when you could find a woman who would not want a serious thing.

All that being a player does is demoralize you and make you less of a person as well as cause unnecessary pain.

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What is the difference between a player and a guy that dates for fun and knows how to impress a woman?

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You have everyone definition of a player, but a guy who dates for fun isn't looking to impress a female, but wants her to enjoy her time together, and isn't really going to pressure her for his own needs. That's what impresses most females, allowing her to be comfortable, and have fun. Now that's not to say that something more won't happen, but it will be without lies and deception, and be by mutual consent.

Sexual attachments cloud the whole scenario though, as its mistaken by many as the real thing, but the difference is lust wears off, and love grows. It also distracts you from honest expressions, and brings a lot of high expectations which leads to bad decisions, and your example of your own experience is a good example of that.

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Speaking of threesomes, my ex was a twin and i had a threesome with her and her sister. Caused lots of problems afterward but at first we thought it was a good idea.

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Sex complicates feelings but when the lust is gone, what's left.

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How about protection? That can prevent pregnancy and STD's.

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The problem is nothing works all the time, Maybe your chances with protection, is better with, than without, but it only takes one failure to change your whole life.

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Eventually i would want to settle down and find love but i don't know if i can sleep with a woman and not have feelings for her afterward i just might end up with a heartbreak.

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Then make sure you know enough facts about her so you will be confident she is a good risk. That takes time, and paying attention to the facts, and not just wishful thinking, or false hope.

I think all guys would like the option of uncommitted free sex, but nothing is really free, and there is always a price to pay. Even for a player. If you can't pay don't play.

Staying within the bounds of good behavior, that you define for yourself, is what makes you a good healthy human, or a zip darn fool.

There are always consequences, or blessings for your actions, so give it thought before you do it.

Why does it have to be either or? How about going out and having fun, dating a little and meeting people, you never know, you may eventually meet someone special along the way. Please don't be player - remember how hurt you were when someone disgarded your emotions? Well, that could very well be how you'll leave some of your ''conquests'' feeling!

Player - Only wants to think with his little head


Fun dating - Thinks with his big head

That's always how I viewed it

Did anyone watch Friends before? Joey lives a life with no commitment, sleep with the girls than its over the next morning and he is happy with his way of life. Same thing happens with my friend which he claims to be a "player".

He has slept with so many girls he lost count so he says and whenever me and him hang out there are always tons of girls around him. Anyway yah I have made a decision not to live this way. I would rather have a special someone and love.

Its just its been so long since I slept with someone I mean over a year, sometimes I don't think with my head and think with urges.

What I have found to be true about players, they are often the most lonesome people on the planet. Not only does it ruin your perception of people, it ruins how others look at you. Think of it this way.

How do you look at a girl who has only had sex with 3 guys in her life? Now, how do you look at the girl who has had sex with 35 guys in her life?

By the way, Tv is a lot different than real life.

Rome, I have to spread the rep.

Sadly, I'm the second of the two girls you mentioned. :(

TV isn't reality, but even then, Joey isn't as much a player as he is a failure at relationships. Watch the show, he wants to find someone special but keeps ruining his chances because he jumps into bed with every girl he meets.

As for your friend, he may have women surrounding him, but are any of them someone you'd take home to meet your family?

I think you made the right decision. One day you'll find someone great, get married, have a couple of kids and your friend (if he hasn't died form Aids) will still be all alone.