I am 55 and recently reunited with a high school boyfriend after 30 some years. We are both divorced. The first few months were great. We connected and the sex, romance and intimacy was perfect. He told me he loved me twice in the first few months but has never said it since. He stopped initiating sex and tells me to behave if I try to...
He decided he can no longer have sex with me because it makes our relationship too serious. He claims to have promised himself never to get into another poaition where he can be hurt since his divorce was devastating.
He still calls and we see one another daily... We make plans together for dinners and evenings with friends. He says he is happy with us the way we are. He holds my hand, opens my dooe and gives greeting and departure kisses but no sex.
We sleep together occasionally but nothing other than an arm around one another.
When I attempt to discuss the situation he tells me he will not have this conversation. He also tells me I am free to find someone else if I am not happy with the situation as it is...
He tells me I am too nice and deserve someone who will appreciate me...
Yet he continues to call and ask to see me daily. This no sex thing has been going on for about a year and one half now...

Maybe he can't now...

Maybe there is some impotency problem he's suffering to...

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Originally Posted by raheja

maybe he can't now........

maybe there is some impotency problem he's suffering to....

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Earlier, he obtained a prescription from his physician to deal with that. I am sensitive to his medical issues and complications from medications but I cannot understand the lack of touching or passionate kissing. His decision to refrain from sex appears to be deliberate.

It IS deliberate---and he's already told you why. He doesn't want to ever be hurt again, and getting that intimate with you means that he could be.

Do exactly what he says, and find someone else, since you are not happy with the situation, and he isn't going to change.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

It IS deliberate---and he's already told you why. He doesn't want to ever be hurt again, and getting that intimate with you means that he could be.

Do exactly what he says, and find someone else, since you are not happy with the situation, and he isn't going to change.

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That would be easier if we hadn't had the first few months of a wonderful relationship. Including sex - which he initiated!!
How do you take that back?

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Originally Posted by lonleyone

That would be easier if we hadn't had the first few months of a wonderful relationship. Including sex - which he initiated!!!!!!!!!!!
How do you take that back?

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You can't take it back.

You can, however, step back from it---and he has.

Look, he's not willing to give you what you want and need from a relationship. Be friends with him, and look for someone else to have a romantic relationship with.

I think he made himself very clear to you. He didn't lie. He told you straight out and he's sticking to it.

It's your decision whether this is a relationship that continues to be of interest to you.

He has been clear with, and he's given you the parameters around which he's prepared to engage with you. You continue to see him, so he continues to contact you.

It's really quite simple as you have two choices:

1. Continue to see him as a friend, but seek an intimate relationship elsewhere.

2. Stop seeing him and seek an intimate relationship elsewhere.

You're lucky in a way that you have a choice! Although it may not be the one you wanted.

All of that is very true, yet I wonder why he started something he had no intention of following through... and then changed his mind.He told me he loved me and continues to refer to me as his girlfriend. He calls to see what "WE" are doing for dinner or do "WE" have any plans for the weekend...
How does that happen? How does one just sleep with someone and not want sex?

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Originally Posted by lonleyone

All of that is very true, yet I wonder why he started something he had no intention of following through.........and then changed his mind.He told me he loved me and continues to refer to me as his girlfriend. He calls to see what "WE" are doing for dinner or do "WE" have any plans for the weekend........
How does that happen? How does one just sleep with someone and not want sex?

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I think you already asked and he told you. If you don't believe him, then ask him again.

I question why there is a "we" in the first place if you are unhappy with the relationship. A lot of relationships start to be exactly what people want and then turn into something else. Then both parties make decisions on how to proceed.

Maybe the sex wasn't that good; maybe taking medication in order to perform upsets him; maybe the sex act itself is no longer of interest to him for whatever reason - and maybe, just maybe, he told you the truth when you asked him.

How does one just sleep with someone and not want sex? Ask the person who is doing it.

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Originally Posted by lonleyone

All of that is very true, yet I wonder why he started something he had no intention of following through.........and then changed his mind.He told me he loved me and continues to refer to me as his girlfriend. He calls to see what "WE" are doing for dinner or do "WE" have any plans for the weekend........
How does that happen? How does one just sleep with someone and not want sex?

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What's the point of trying to analyze his motives? He's told you how he feels it's only your ego that's holding on.

He's calling you 'we' because you allow it and still feel flattered by his attentions.

If you want sex and he doesn't, make it clear you'll find it elsewhere. Why should you care about what his reasons are? He doesn't care about your reasons for wanting sex!

Perhaps he's of the belief that women in mid-life don't care about sex any more? What a fool!