I have always had a huge attraction to women, from the time I was 15 to 18 I was gay. Well so I thought I recently have been with a man for about 9 months now. Im 21. I have been with a few girls in between and not very men, now... I find myself missing women. All the time. How should I approach this to a man that I am very much in love with. But I feel like when I talk to women and when they flirt with me I miss it... Hes open with it, and I know he's worried I'm going to "wake up one day and not want him anymore" but now I'm scared of it. He told me I could "bring" a girl home and he would have to be involed or watch but I don't think that's what I want at all. I don't know what to say to him? Any ideas>>?:confused:

Perhaps you need to be single for a while until you figure out what it is that you want.

Clearly your BF is not aware of how strong your feelings are for women, and he's skirting around the issue by talking about a threesome, which might satisfy him, but not you.

You need to be honest and open with him.

He'll be hurt and you'll feel like a heel, but it sounds as if you need to get clear about your sexual preferences before you're in a relationship again - with either a man or a woman.

I'd suggest that if you love him, you will do him a great favor by being honest with him and by being ultimately, honest with yourself.

I think you need to rethink your relationship with this man. I am now wondering if this issue has bearing on why you sometimes cry after climaxing.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...hy-409586.html

I know from reading your other threads that you are wanting to marry this man and have him adopt your daughter, but I don't think that is a good idea if you aren't completely satisfied in the relationship.

You need to talk with him about your needs and if you can work out an arrangement that works for both of you. If you can't then, you should think seriously about ending this relationship and finding someone who is a better partner for you.

Bringing someone else into a relationship for sexual purposes is never a good idea.

Either commit to him and be faithful to him or find someone you can be faithful to and committed to.

I don't feel like I could leave him after everything we have been it's a kind of relationship I have always wanted and I feel very happy I just have these urges I guess? Fantaceys of something I use to be very involed with. Do I just tell him I have been thinking about it and missing it. Its werid he actually asked me today on the phone after I made a joke about getting a fake if I have been feeling like I needed that. I told him no. so I already lied and feel horriable about it. I don't want this to out stress on us I just want to work through it? Do you think its possiable?

Wow! There was more answers on here as I was replying.. yes this man is important and I don't want to bring someone else into. I know I wouldn't want him to. Okay so it comes down to me being committed to him. Well I am so I should work through these thoughts?

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Originally Posted by MamaLette

I dont feel like i could leave him after everything we have been its a kind of relationship i have always wanted and i feel very happy i just have these urges i guess? Fantaceys of something i use to be very involed with. Do I just tell him I have been thinking about it and missing it. its werid he actually asked me today on the phone after i made a joke about getting a fake if i have been feeling like i needed that. i told him no. so i already lied and feel horriable about it. I dont want this to out stress on us i just want to work through it? do u think its possiable?

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Yes it's possible.

I'm not bi-sexual but I did have a life before I married my husband, and I had other lovers. It's natural to sometimes fantasize about having a different partner. The thing is, fantasy should not become reality, not if you want your relationship to work.

If you love him and are ready to commit to him then he should be enough.

Gay - straight, does not make any difference, if you are in a relationship with someone you don't go out and be with others or bring others in to the relationship.

What if the other person ( man in your case) would like to go out every now and then to have sex with some other girl, how would that hurt you??

So just like a married straight couple do not have sex with others, if you are really going to be committed you don't either.

I know the difference, I wouldn't cheat on him by any means. I don't want to... I just don't want to feel like I'm missing out on something? Does that make the right sense? Ok. So this is how I feel after reading all of your advice. Talk to him about this, Stay committed if that's what I want and he wants and If I keep gettting the curious feelings, do something about them?

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Originally Posted by MamaLette

I know the difference, I wouldnt cheat on him by any means. I dont want to... I just dont want to feel like im missing out on something? Does that make the right sense? Ok. so this is how I feel after reading all of ur advice. Talk to him about this, Stay commited if thats what I want and he wants and If i keep gettting the curious feelings, do something about them?

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What do you mean by "do something about them?"

Talk to him, decide if you want a relationship with him and learn to deal with these feelings, like the rest of us do.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you're no longer attracted to other people, or fantasize about having sex with other people, we're married, not dead. The thing is, most of us refrain from acting on those fantasies because we made a commitment to one person and are faithful to that one person.

It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home. ;)

I mean by taking steps forward away from our relationship, If I still feel all these confusing feelings after try to work through it then it would be time to leave and find myself. :(

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Originally Posted by MamaLette

I mean by taking steps forward away from our relationship, If I still feel all these confusing feelings after try to work through it then it would be time to leave and find myself. :(

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If you cannot commit then yes, it's best that you leave and figure out what it is you really want.

My question to you is this. Do you think you'll ever be able to fully commit to one person or will these fantasies always get in the way? Is it him, or is it you?

Its me, I know it is. I just don't know how to tell him about it, bring it up. Approaching the whole thing makes me nervous. Not because I can't talk to him. Because really I don't want him to think I'm not happy or taken care of, Its not that I want to have someone else have sex with me, I just haven't made those action in a while so I think about them and wonder about it. Wondering isn't good ugh :(

I guess I just need to talk to him. Makes me really sad, :(

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Originally Posted by MamaLette

Its me, I know it is. I just dont know how to tell him about it, bring it up. Approaching the whole thing makes me nervous. not because i can't talk to him. Because really I dont want him to think im not happy or taken care of, Its not that i want to have someone eles have sex with me, i just havent made those action in a while so I think about them and wonder about it. wondering isnt good ugh :(

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Wondering isn't the problem, acting on it would be.

If you love him and want to build a life with him then you have to work towards that. Leaving your relationship because you want to have sex with someone else is not working towards a relationship, it's running away.

Have you ever considered talking to a therapist about this? It may be really helpful to you. Also, couples counseling may help both of you.

Yea Just from finding this site and using it I have been told I need counseling. Thank you. I want to be with him and only him, thank you for I don't know I guess just saying it helped its always nice to get a veiw in the outside world. I love him I want to marry him. So that's what Im going to work towards doing, and I'm also going to tell him I came here again :) I think that will help approach the whole thing, once again thank you.

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Originally Posted by MamaLette

Yea Just from finding this site and using it i have been told i need counseling. Thank you. I want to be with him and only him, thank you for i dont know i guess just saying it helped its always nice to get a veiw in the outside world. I love him I want to marry him. So thats what Im going to work towards doing, and im also going to tell him i came here again :) i think that will help approach the whole thing, once again thank you.

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That's what we're here for. I'm glad it helped and thanks for letting us know. Most times people come here, get advice, leave and we never know if we helped them or not.

I think that working towards marriage and a lifelong commitment is a great goal. I still recommend counseling and think that couples therapy would be a great idea for both of you, just to get on the right track.

I've been married for 14 years now, been with my husband for 19 years, half my life. I can tell you that there are times when your mind wanders, but I can also tell you that the love I have for him and the love he has for me is enough. I don't need anyone else.

Like I said before, I'm married, not dead, so of course I meet other people that I'm attracted to and fantasize about, but I would never act on it, because I love my husband too much to do that to him. That's marriage, that's commitment, and the rewards you get are worth it.

Keep us posted on your progress and stick around, there are a lot of people going through similar things, you could be a help to someone else.

Good luck. :)