Hi guys. I need some help! I ended my five year on going unhealthy relationship about 6 months ago. My ex was a bipolar alcoholic musician that never put me first and constantly broke up with me, then came crawling back. Made promises he never kept and pretty much I was his caretaker that tried so hard to make him better. Anyway it ended when I left.

Between the periods that we broke up my best friend whom I grew up down the street from for 17 years would get together because there were more than friend feelings. He was always there for me and has waited for me for so long since he believed there is nothing better than me. I have finally saw the light fell out of love and trying with this other fool and realized this is the guy for me, yes I was blind.

Anyway my problem is that I'm giving him a hard time and taking the things from my ex and past out on him. I don't know how to stop myself. I hate myself for doing it. He is the most amazing guy and I'm so lucky to have found this type of love, he has forgave me for never giving him a chance. I know he's my soulmate. I just need to treat him as he is him and he is not the up I used to date!! He tells me he's tired of having to reassure me and how insecure I am, did my past screw me up?

I don't know if I need to go to counseling for this or what kind of things I need to tell myself to change and make sure I'm not pushing him away anymore and getting angry at things for no reason!!



Thanks in advance for your help. Peace and love!
A

Story about ex:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ts-344573.html

I hate to say this, but your current relationship is a rebound from your last relationship and that's really unfair to your current boyfriend. You never fully healed from the last relationship and you started a new one.

You can start by taking a time out of this relationship. Gain some perspective and finish recovering from your break up. Once you've fully healed, you will feel more objective about your current relationship.

Your current boyfriend waited so long for you, I'm sure he will understand that you need some time to finish healing before you continue the relationship.

Short term pains for long term gains.

Yup, I really didn't need to see that link haha.

Yes I get that, and rebounds aren't always necessarily a bad thing. I tried to date this summer and wanted nothing to do with anyone else. I waited to start things with him again till I was ready and I couldn't hold back from being with him anymore. I'm will not end something so great. This is someone I have belonged with forever, and I've waited long enough. This is not only a lover but a best friend that I'm not going to loose again.

I know I want this, I just need the told to get through this and wash it away. There isn't anything I need to sort out. I am a loyal girlfriend and this is someone so dear to me for my entire life and its going great besides my crankiness and insecurities I need to find a way out of. There is a chance of doing it without leaving this behind me

It's just helpful for others to see your entire story so that they can give you appropriate advice.

You're not ending this relationship. I was only suggesting that you take a time out so that you can heal on your own. You're putting a lot of burden on your boyfriend by constantly comparing him to your ex. You could easily push him away if you continue to do so. If you really cared about each other that much, you would be able to take some time to heal all wounds first, and then when you find each other again, you can easily pick off from where you left off. This way, you will be in a much better position to continue your happy relationship.

Well I guess we can do that.

We have had the discussions of me pushing him away due to this. How do I heal the wounds? What are the things that must be done in order to? It's easy to say but I just don't know what that means?

There's no magic potion.

The way to heal is "TIME". You just need time alone and time to do things for yourself. You never gave yourself enough time to heal and you already started a new relationship. That was the problem. So you're just going to have to spend the time now, by taking a time out.

Thank you.