No intimacy in my marriage
I have been married for close to 17 years. I am 47 and my husband is 3 and half years yonger than myself. We have 2 wonderful girls who are 16 and 13. Before I start, let me just say my husband is not gay nor is he having an affair (trust me I have checked). There has been no extra marrital affairs outside our marriage. With that said...
My husband is not loving, nor affectionate to me in anyway. He is not the least bit interested in sex. Even when I try to intiate anything (sex, touching him, kiss him or anything intimate in anyway) he either ignores me, turns away or turns me down. This has been going on for years. But actually has gotten much worse. I think we have had sex maybe 3 times in the last 3-4 years and its always me that intiates it. I have told him for years that I am lonely. I am dying for any type of affection from him, but literally have exhausted all means. What makes it worse, is when I do talk to him about it, he acts like he could care less about my wants or needs. I take great care of myself and men tell me all the time how attractive I am. I work hard at looking nice and taking extra care to be esp. attentive and show that I am happy to be with him and even try flirting. Again, nothing seems to ever work.
I know that he is not totally void of affection, because he is very affectionate with my girls. He kisses them, hugs them... etc. But then when it comes to me, zilch. He has told me lately (in one of my many talks) that he has never been fond of touching people or people touching him. He tells me he just tolerates it with me, when I try to put my hand on his leg or something. I can try to snuggle next to him on the couch, and I can tell he will not reciporcate. If I ask him for a kiss or a hug, he gives me a fake one. Like its killing him with no sincereity behind it at all.
I am dying inside. I have told him and he knows I am on the verge of making some sort of change. But still... never a change in him. I am scared that when my girls are gone, that I will be even more lonely than I am now, if that is possible at all. My husband is a good provider and wonderful dad and he acknowledges the fact that he isn't a very good husband to me when it comes to this. But that is as far as it goes. I am so torn inside. I am a very loyal person, but honestly now I wonder if I should leave to have that second chance with someone else who can give me what I want or need. I fight the tears back everyday... help!