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-   -   Don't want to commit suicide, but want god to take me (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=409995)

  • Oct 26, 2009, 07:42 PM
    emberandashes
    don't want to commit suicide, but want god to take me
    I'm having the hardest time of my life. I am gay... and don't be all like.. you don't know if your gay, or its just a choice, and stuff like that... because trust me.. it is NOT a choice and I can assure you that you are born with it. I have no doubt in my mind. But I digress.
    I have tried to accept it. But I cant. I hate myself and don't know how to live with it. Every time I look longingly at a guy I want to punch myself... I would give anything in my life to love a girl... anything. Being a christian, I believe partly that god made me who I am, but I can't see why he would do this... I'm not sure if god sees homosexuality as a sin or not which is a big part of me hating it. But I still hate it either way if it were or not... I pray every day for god to take me, but I do not want to commit suicide not only because it's a form of murder but also because I could never do that to myself... I guess I don't really have a question.. I just am so sick of myself.. and I just need help at the moment
  • Oct 26, 2009, 08:24 PM
    Alty

    I would never tell you that being gay is a choice, you are what you are and you are the way "God" made you.

    I myself am not a Christian but that's how I was raised. So, having said that, you, as a Christian, believe that God created everything, therefore he created you, and he created homosexuality. Why would he turn his back on something he created, because the bible says so? Are you sure? I'm not.

    You put this in the teen section so I'm assuming that you are a teen. This is a tough time as it is. Being a teen is not fun, learning who you are, discovering new things, hormones, emotions, dating, school, pressure, it seems like everything is in turmoil. Many teens (in fact, most of them) feel like they don't fit in, that they're different, that they won't be accepted. I remember being a teen and I didn't have to deal with a sexual orientation that a lot of people sadly still don't accept, so you have that extra load to carry.

    Have you thought about looking for a group support? If there's one thing I can guarantee you, you're not the only gay teen in your school. Have you come out to anyone? Have you talked to anyone about this?

    We're here for support, or just to vent. That's what we do. :)

    Just remember, being a teen doesn't last forever. It does get easier, really it does, you'll just have to stick around to find out.
  • Oct 27, 2009, 04:55 AM
    emberandashes

    I have come out to my best friend... and I'm in musical theatre... so I know a ton of gay people and I know I wouuld be accepted... that's not the problem. The problem is I don't accept myself. And I've known I was gay since about 12 years old. And when I look back on my life I have been gay since forever, just didn't know what it was till then. So I've had plenty of time to accept it. And I've really given it a try... didn't work out
  • Oct 27, 2009, 03:39 PM
    Clough
    Hi, emberandashes!

    What year are you in school, please?

    I'm very much into the theater arts, too!

    Thanks!
  • Oct 27, 2009, 08:10 PM
    emberandashes

    I'm a jr
  • Oct 27, 2009, 11:01 PM
    Clough
    Hi again, emberandashes!

    A junior in high school or college, please?

    Thanks!
  • Oct 28, 2009, 07:48 PM
    emberandashes

    High school
  • Oct 29, 2009, 09:29 AM
    carla123

    Dear emberandashes.
    Remember one thing my dear... You are a child of God. He created everything in this world and you are one of them. But guess what? God didn't create you, just for the heck of it, cause He is bored up there. :DHe created you because
    1. He loves you, and loves you just the way you are
    2. He made you with the utmost care for some divine purpose
    3. He has something good in store for you:o


    So hating yourself would mean, just hating something He created…. Now that doesn't sound like the right thing to do, does it? Hope you are very clear about that….

    Now coming to the point…you said that you're sure that you being gay is not by your own choice, but by chance. So that makes things simpler! The reason you're are like this is not your problem, but God's… It is He who made you so, so why don't you just ask Him to solve the problem? After all it's not a situation that YOU got yourself into right? ;)

    You don't have to beat yourself to submission, because you're not sure if you are sinning. Don't worry yourself to death because you're scared you might be in the bad books of God, and He is out to punish you for eternity for your sorry state…. Don't even get negative about it…!

    The very fact that you feel remorseful, and you are asking God to help you out, shows that your heart is not hardened! And the best part is…. You have God's grace! Quit trying to solve your problems by your own human effort…. But continue to pray to Him with a grateful, sincere, and a thankful heart… and open yourself to Him, so that He can work out His miracle in you! Never quit in praying to Him about your problem…. But keep asking Him for grace… and believe in Miracles.

    Even Paul in the Bible was said to have a thorn in the flesh…No, I don't know what was Paul's problem, but sure he was feeling bad about his problem, and he was asking God to help him out.. And do you know what was God's reply? It's – “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

    So trust in Him, and be concerned about more productive things in your world, and try to achieve God's plan for you…. And as you calm down, God will definitely cause His change in you!:):)
  • Nov 13, 2009, 11:38 AM
    shayray

    If your already out to some friends that usually means your out to yourself. I was like you, I was in denial but I have come to terms with myself and being a lesbian. I would just take sometime to evaluate myself if I were you

    p.s I'm younger than you I'm 15 but I am sure of myself you should just be you
  • May 19, 2012, 12:51 PM
    maddifur
    You may have HOCD.

    I have it myself. Look it up and it will explain everything.

    Good luck. You will get through it.

    NB: Anyone disagreeing with me is wrong. HOCD exists. It is a form of OCD.
  • May 21, 2012, 05:36 PM
    raphyisonyt
    The guy in this video gives good advice. Find someone with good description, and make him describe to you the beauty of a woman over and over again. Or just get counciling. Or read the passages in the Book of the Bible: Song of Songs which are about a very fair lady. Pray to God to give you a girl who you will be attracted to. Frankly I tell you that's what I did, next day I met the most beautiful girl in the world.
    The Rebbe's view of same gender attraction - YouTube
    JONAH, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality
    BibleGateway.com: A searchable online Bible in over 100 versions and 50 languages.

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