don't want to commit suicide, but want god to take me
I'm having the hardest time of my life. I am gay... and don't be all like.. you don't know if your gay, or its just a choice, and stuff like that... because trust me.. it is NOT a choice and I can assure you that you are born with it. I have no doubt in my mind. But I digress.
I have tried to accept it. But I cant. I hate myself and don't know how to live with it. Every time I look longingly at a guy I want to punch myself... I would give anything in my life to love a girl... anything. Being a christian, I believe partly that god made me who I am, but I can't see why he would do this... I'm not sure if god sees homosexuality as a sin or not which is a big part of me hating it. But I still hate it either way if it were or not... I pray every day for god to take me, but I do not want to commit suicide not only because it's a form of murder but also because I could never do that to myself... I guess I don't really have a question.. I just am so sick of myself.. and I just need help at the moment