I have been with my partner for 5 years. Until recently we had a GREAT relationship. We have lived together for the past 4 and 1/2 years. The relationship started to fail when we got into financial trouble and got evicted from our home. We had to get rid of all of our pets which were like our children and we are both currently living back at home and only seeing each other a few times a week. We still don't have the money to get our own place so our living arrangements can not change anytime soon. It has been hard and we've been under a lot of stress but it all seemed to be working until about a month ago. Out of nowhere she broke up with me. She said she needed some space and time to be single and find herself because ever since she turned 16 and began her first relationship she's never really been single (she's gone straight from one to another) and all have been longterm and serious. We talked and talked and I pretty much broke down and begged her not to leave me but I agreed for us to take a break. But I couldn't do it, I still called and texted her everyday and I still went over there and we got back together 2 weeks later. We jumped right back into things like nothing had ever happened. 2 days ago she said she wants to break up again because she's not happy that we're back together. She said she only got back with me beacause she felt bad that I Was so depressed and I pressured her back into it. She said that she's not in love with me anymore and doesn't want to try to be again. She feels comfortable with me but that's all. She thinks our relationship has lost its spark and says that she is bored with us. She also still feels suffocated and like she needs space and time to find herself. I don't want to break up again because we JUST got back together and were making progress so instead I suggested that we stay together but take a giant step back. I realize now that we jumped back into things too fast. My suggestion was a compromise so we both get what we want. We do not break up (to keep me happy) but I give her all the space she needs by not calling or texting AT ALL and we're going to see each other only 1 day a week just for a few hours for lunch or dinner or a movie just something small to ease back into our relationshp and if she wants more than she has to call or text me first. I would appreciate any feedback or advice on how to get the spark and romance back as we progress. Anyone been here and done this before? Please help me save my relationship!

Well Im sorry but it sounds like she is not ready to settle down yet and get serious about having a relationship with you. If she is with you to keep you happy, you need to ask yourself, is it really worth all this heart ache. She is young and still exploring what she wants in her mate, you should do the same. Give it a rest, you never know, you could meet girl who enjoys your company, and not checking off a chore list. Hope this helps some, Good luck.

I am very sorry you are going through this. Why does she feel suffocated?

Either way, she said that she is not in love with you and that is hard to accept. That can hurt a lot but you have to understand that it is over. Just tell her that you agree for the both to give up and start No Contact. Then after 2 months think of how you feel and then rethink your relationship and how it really was. Try thinking of the bad things and write them down here at the site and vent. It helps. Don't contact her at all. You are looking very desperate and this is not making you look attractive at all. Keep some dignity and self respect while you have the chance. I know it hurts and many here also know that as well, but you have to look out for yourself now. I'm sorry this is happening but its time to move on.

Day by day and little by little you will begin to feel better. Keep us updated and we will continue bringing you encouragement. Believe me, I know how you feel. It sucks but you will be okay soon.

It's great that she is open and trusts you enough to share what she feels about your relationship. And it seems like you both know how to communicate and come to an agreement and make a compromise. Trust and communication is everything in a relationship.
Make sure that she is not coming to this compromise just to make you happy. Make sure that she is also happy and is willing to take a chance at getting back together with you. But, judging by the way you are talking, she seems like an honest person. What you are doing is great. You are easing back into the swing of things while still giving her some time and space to think things through and come to an ultimate decision. You haven't been shoved completely out of the picture so you still have some involvement too, which is great! I think what you've started is very good. I would suggest doing fun and unique dates with her. Not anything too heavy and romantic. Maybe just walking and holding hands, having a picnic and talking about life, keep everything light. Make sure that she has fun! Keep it fresh and do new things.

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Originally Posted by jordyadele

it's great that she is open and trusts you enough to share what she feels about your relationship. and it seems like you both know how to communicate and come to an agreement and make a compromise. trust and communication is everything in a relationship.
make sure that she is not coming to this compromise just to make you happy. make sure that she is also happy and is willing to take a chance at getting back together with you. but, judging by the way you are talking, she seems like an honest person. what you are doing is great. you are easing back into the swing of things while still giving her some time and space to think things through and come to an ultimate decision. you havent been shoved completely out of the picture so you still have some involvement too, which is great! i think what youve started is very good. i would suggest doing fun and unique dates with her. not anything too heavy and romantic. maybe just walking and holding hands, having a picnic and talking about life, keep everything light. make sure that she has fun! keep it fresh and do new things.

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Should you really have to go on dates and do unique things after 4 and half years together?? I agree that it is important to keep things fresh but if it is not natural then it wont work. You should be able to do romantic things together and the reality is that not everything can or should be fun. If you are with someone who you love and who loves you then you go through the good and bad times together no matter what.

Talking from my own personal experience when it gets to this stage (which I am going through now) it is very very hard to go back or move forward with the person you are in the relationship with. Especially when one of you is in love and committed and the other is in the "I dont know stage". I have tried "fun" weekends away and days out and everything else for that matter but it will all feel so forced and the reason it feels forced is because you are trying so hard to fix something which is clearly broken. Or as someone told me.. not broken but over.

Trust and communication is important but for any relationship to work you both need to be on the same page, feel the same about eachother and most importantly want to be together. She just doesn't feel the same way about you right now as you feel about her and that is the hardest thing to accept.

Believe me I know how hard it is to swallow and accept but love should not be so much hard work.

It sounds like she really needs to find herself, and if you love her you will grant her that time. If you are meant to be, she will come back.

If she needs some time to process things, do as she wishes. The last thing you want to do is pressure her, and desperatly trying to get her to come back to you. Give her a break and then schedule a time to come back and talk things over and find out where you're going to go in the future. If you had a great relationship before some drama crept in, I don't see how this relationship is beyond saving- you guys just need to find the spark that used to be there. Finding the spark could mean giving her a break to find it herself. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder- so give her some time to think.