 |
I feel rediculously uncomfortable around people... like awkward.
Whenever I'm in a social situation... whether it be around friends or family... I never know what to say. Its like my mind is always blank. Sometimes I even find it hard to talk... and when I do talk people never hear me. I always have to repeat myself all the time.
Practice.
Stand in front of a mirror and talk to it,about anything,listen to your voice and how it sounds,try and project your voice.
Haveu considered joining a drama group or toast masters or a choir?
Read the papers and listen to the news.
Repeat a mantra.. I am confident, I am smart.
Order food with confidence! Really. Be it mc donalds or a restaurant.
Practice practice practice...
Read out loud.
Sing.. it helps you to breathe properly.
Relax,and smile.
Being confident takes time.
I read out loud... watch TV (not particularly the news) and practice talking to myself quite often. I do have a hard time projecting my voice. It's so irritating when I say something and no body listens... I know they're not deliberately ignoring me. They just don't hear me. I never thought of joining a drama group... toast masters.. or a chior... I don't have much interest in doing so. I try to be as socially active as I can. I just find two things automatically happen to me in social situations. 1. I start feeling awkward to the point where I can't even concentrate properly. 2. I blank out and never know what to say. It's difficult to explain, but I appreciate your advice. Thanks a lot! :)
You know not everyone is confident and can shine in a crowd... we are all different,and we all have insecurities,and some of us are terrible spellers!
Do you feel the need to impress people,or that you feel invisible when your in company?
invisible.
when I'm with friends ill get a few words in at the start of the conversation, and then the blank mind will set in and before long ill be forgotten. Everyone else will be having a great time chatting and laughing and ill be sitting there with a blank expression on my face feeling stupid and awkward. It's a very lonely feeling... its like your totally insignificant. Usually I just make an excuse to call it a night... then I have to put up with everyone saying "aw why are you leaving?" lol... if they knew how much I suffered they'd know why I just get up and leave.
Have you always felt like this?
What age are you?
Do you have any hobbies or interests,are you friends with like minded people?
I know it's a lot of questions but it will help towards coming up with a solution or at least a start..
Plus other posters will have the information needed to make suggestions.
I'm guessing you are your own worst critic. I'm also guessing you aren't as invisible and as unsocial as you think you are.Quote:
Originally Posted by nothingisright
Ask your mom or, better yet, a good friend for feedback on how you are when you are together with your friends. Remember, not everyone can be a loudmouth and boisterous and full of conversation. There also have to be listeners, an audience for those others.
I'm 23 and I was never consciously aware of the invisible thing and the blank mind until I became socially anxious. Before then I found it easy to interact and socialize with close friends. I felt for the most part that we were all fairly like minded. I can go back to many fun times we had as a group. When I became aware of my social anxiety, I began to isolate myself from my friends more because I felt to anxious and awkward to be around them. That's when I lost connection with a lot of them. A few of them still get around with me once in awhile but our friendship is definitely not as close as it use to be.
I'm 23... and to add... I don't feel like minded with my friends anymore... whereas before the social anxiety... I felt very connected.
Wondergirl... everyone around me never notices how unsocial I am. That's why they never understand why I want to get up and leave. You see.. people are self focused for the most part. When they're all talking and laughing and having a good time they fail to notice anyone whose not having that great of a time. In other words they're enjoying themselves too much to even notice. Asking my parents what they think would be a total waste of time because they don't understand.
Sometimes I feel really awkward even around people I know well,I wonder what should I say. It sounds too easy but don't worry about having to say something just to speak. Just relax and when an idea pops in your mouth speak. I am more outgoing now,still shy,I went out a few weeks ago for example,I was talking a lot. People kept on saying what did you say,it's just noticing it and speaking louder. If by next year this is no longer an issue,your going to look back and say why did I make this feel like such a issue.
I use to be awkward around strangers but not my friends at one point. I was always shy around girls to an extreme then I realized who cares why am I stressing sh*t so much. It's OK to be a quiet person but over thinking is going to drive you insane. I have a friend like that and he feels so awkward then says stupid things. At 1st everyone just thought OK Bob is nice but quiet then he said the wrong thing,people thought he is odd or a creep.
More or less,try not to worry about always having to say something. It helps keeping in touch with people even if it's just calling once a week,even a month to check in and say what's up. A lot of it is your mindset. Just keep in your head OK I am not going to worry about feeling so weird around these people. Once your relaxed stuff just follows. It's easier to take it a little at a time,it's easier with friends then new people. That why it's good to at least have a phone conversation with old friends so you don't become distant with them. Maybe talking to a therapist can help.
Have you ever considered that you have adult A.D.H.D.
The reason I ask is because you say you kind of space out.
rainacidbeer, great advice... I know its not always necessary to speak. Sometimes its OK to just sit back and listen. The only problem is, when I feel awkward and blank minded, with it comes a lack of concentration. That being said, I find it hard to listen intently to what other people are saying, and I normally never know what to respond with. I just nod my head or go "or really?" or "yea, i hear ya"... but I'm never able to add to the conversation dynamically. It's always just small talk. I don't beat myself up over it but it makes me feel so stupid... I leave feeling like I could have been a lot more outgoing and communicative. I don't think it's the lack of talking that bothers me so much... it's the idea that I can't think of anything to talk about even if I wanted to talk. Feeling blank minded not just sometimes but ALL THE TIME gets very irritating. When I go out I strive for a good time. I love going out to socialize and relax. Its one of my favorite things to do in life, but when I can't think of anything at all to talk about, it makes the atmosphere dry and uncomfortable. This has been going on for almost three years now to my knowledge. I'm desperately hoping its just a faze I'm going through and that it will pass eventually.
artlady I don't have A.D.H.D... although I have trouble concentrating when I get anxious, I am far from being hyperactive.
I thought I was alone. I feel the same way. I feel awkward with just about anyone accept my immediate family, so I often try to avoid people now. When I try to have normal conversation, whether over the phone or in person, my mind goes blank.
It really does suck.
You should focus on listening and following the conversation, to begin with. You don't have to talk. You can "participate" by listening. A good listener is equally engrossed, as much the ones who talk. Also when you are actively listening you are being yourself, and others know you are active in your own way. And its perfectly OK to listen for long hours. So there is no need to feel awkward.Quote:
Originally Posted by nothingisright
Read, watch TV, and listen well when in company of others. Enjoy them talking. Be with this attitude.
Slowly, as you master being a good listener, and being attentive, you will start to add words in the conversation. It will come naturally.
nothingisright... I know exactly what you feel. I have social anxiety as well, it was so bad at one point that if I knew that me and my fiancé were going to one of his friends houses' together I would freak out, even cry. It was so unfair to him. Like people say, reading, practicing in the mirror, don't worry about having to say something, yeah they all seem like they would help, but when you get in that very moment, none of that matters. Anyway I have gone to my doctor since then and he perscribed me with Paxil CR, an anti-anxiety medication, and I am such a different person. The anxiety is still there but at a much much much lower level. I started at the lowest dosage and am now on the highest dosage they have, and it really works.
The only downside to paxil CR, is if you forget to take it for a few days you get 'withdrawls' from it, feelings like heart palpitations and dizziness. But if you take it regularly its worth it, I promise.
Good luck.
I really feel for you, this can be really crippling.
From what I read this started about 3 years ago, and I'm wondering if there was anything that you've thought about that could have been a trigger, or a cause, or did it just come out of the blue.
I realize that it is in social situations where you are most affected, but what about the work place, or school, or walking through a crowded mall. How do you manage this when you have to talk, or you're put on the spot, but ouside a social environment.
I guess what I'm really wondering is, is your entire life affected by this, and you find yourself withdrawing from socializing at all, either in a general sense or a specific sense.
The invisible part implies no sense of self to your surroundings, at least to me. The blanking it all out, implies taking yourself out of reality, even if temporary and self induced, again just my observation. Have these feelings put you in a place more and more?
Can you offer any insights to this being situational in nature? Or not?
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:32 PM. |