Ask Me Help Desk - Is it time to break up?

I've been dating my guy for a year. I love him more than anything, he's my life. He says the same about me. He won't have sex with me. We've only had sex once in the last 6 months, and that one time was quick and he made it seem as if it were a chore he really didn't want to do. It makes me feel very insecure and unattractive that he doesn't want to have have sex with me and gets upset if I try to touch him below the waist or even ask about sex. I don't understand why he doesn't want to be physical with me anymore I haven't gained weight or really changed since we first started dating. I'm 5'4 about 136 pounds, with natural 46DDDs. I get hit on constantly by other guys and have been asked out by many of them. But I don't want them! I just want my guy. He's sweet and caring and he says he's still attracted to me and tells me he loves me all of the time. It's not just the sex that bothers me. He is very anti-social, his computer is his best friend. He spends 12 -20 hours a day playing Everquest. He asks me all the time if I want him to stop playing. I always tell him no because I feel that I have no right to tell him what to do nor do I want him to stop doing the one thing that makes him happy. I know he's not cheating on me since he hates clubs, bars,public places, or anywhere there are more than 3 people. All he does is work and then come home to his computer more so than me. We actually met while working together at a previous job. I've talked to some of his previous girlfriends and the way they tell it he was basically a man whore and wanted sex every 5 minutes! So what's wrong with me? He still looks at porn daily and comments to our roommates how hot he thinks other girls are but still wants nothing with me. I've made it clear to him that I'm unhappy with our relationship. The first thing he always asks is if I want to break up. I always tell him no then I ask him the same. He always answers no as well and then goes into a huge speech about how much he loves me, how he doesn't know what he would do with out me, and how he want s to marry me someday soon. I don't know what do to, I'm starting to feel like a piece of furniture in our house he's just gotten use to being there and wouldn't notice until it was moved or gone. Should I break up with him or just tuff it out and see if he'll open up to me and change?

Want advice? OK well here's mine... talk to him about how you feel.. tell him what's bothering you... ask him why he does not want to have sex with you... if he says he just doesn't then respect that I guess but if he won't take the time to talk to you dump him because he's not right for you because you and your man should be able to talk with out getting mad

I hope I was of some help
Hope it all works out :)

Initially I was going to say that he might be gay but you said his past girlfriends said he liked sex a lot. How many did you ask? Are you sure there telling you the truth? They might have reasons for lying to you.

It might be a religious thing as well, is he a religious person?

If he's straight than maybe he's depressed or has some sexual dysfunction that he's embarrassed to share with you. The fact that you've said with him for a year is actually very noble but something is wrong. I think you need to ask him directly, "Why aren't you interested in sex?"

He's not gay. I've found the porn and photos of naked women his computer he has save as gaming files so I wouldn't pen them, so I know he's not gay. Most of his past girlfriends I'm now friends with or he is still friends with so I don't think they're lying. He's not religious at all. I mean he believes in God but is not a bible thumper. I've asked him directly why he doesn't want sex and he always says he isn't in the mood or he's tired.

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Originally Posted by kryptonightengale

He's not gay. I've found the porn and photos of naked women his computer he has save as gaming files so I wouldn't pen them, so i know he's not gay. Most of his past girlfriends I'm now friends with or he is still friends with so I don't think they're lying. He's not religious at all. I mean he believes in God but is not a bible thumper. I've asked him directly why he doesn't want sex and he always says he isn't in the mood or he's tired.

Well something's certainly wrong. The fact that he spends all day on the computer lends me to believe that he might be suffereing from depression. Perhaps he has a porn addiction and materbates to that to the point that he doesn't have time or energy for you. Whatever it is it sounds like he might need professional mental help.

The fact that you are pretty much throwing yourself at him and he's not responding is strange. Most guys would love that. He needs help beyond what you can provide. I'm sorry to say but unless he seeks that help, I you need to let him go.

Quote:

Well something's certainly wrong. The fact that he spends all day on the computer lends me to believe that he might be suffereing from depression. Perhaps he has a porn addiction and materbates to that to the point that he doesn't have time or energy for you. Whatever it is it sounds like he might need professional mental help.

Ask him very specifically about not giving you enough sex and tell him you found his porn. After a year you should have better communication and maybe he does have a problem that requires a professional.

I'd call his 12-20 hours a day, everyday, on the computer an addiciton.

All serious gamers and computer geeks have periods where they immerse themselves into their current project, spending hours exploring and discovering things, but we all have to separate from our on-line lives and see our real-world family and friends.

Personally, the choice between doing something on my computer or doing something with...

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Originally Posted by kryptonightengale

... 5'4 about 136 pounds, with natural 46DDDs...

... my choice would be easy!

I suspect, as other above, that sitting in from of a monitor for 12-20 hours a day is both physically and emotionally draining, and spending even a part of those hours wrapped up in online porn have warped what gets him excited.

In short - He has to balance his time between the computer, you, and the rest of his family and friends. He's also got to "notice" you, and give you the attention you need. If he is unwilling to make that change, it is time for a breakup.

First of all, try to communicate with him. Tear him off the computer (figuratively of course), which I know is easier said than done, since my dad is almost always on the computer and when he's into what he's doing, it's nearly impossible to get him off. (Though he's not sitting there playing games, he's helping people with their own computer problems.) Have a heart to heart with him, don't let him go until you've voiced all your concerns and listen to his concerns.

If that doesn't accomplish anything, show him that you're willing to let go, even though it doesn't sound like you are. If he sees you drifting away, maybe he'll wake up and fight for you. If not, save your own sanity and find someone who will treat you right.

Just remember something. While he shouldn't be spending hours a day playing computer games, you should realize that a relationship is not all about sex, it's about love as well. Obviously you love him, but you're pushing a bit too much for sex. I've seen too much sex ruin relationships among my friends.

I can't tell you "Break up with him," because that's your decision to make, but think about what you want and need and what of that he is and is giving you, then make your own decision.