I am an 18 year old girl and I dated this guy who was 17. We started dating in June, this past summer and things were shaky during school but I thought it got better so we started the relationship. It was going good but then he started to ignore me at group events, as if we couldn’t know each other when hanging with my group of friends or his. He would always get upset saying I hung with other people more than him, but it’s just because he wouldn’t talk to me. He only liked hanging out alone and always used his strength against me if I refused to sit on him or straddle him. And if I didn’t make out with him he would stopped talking to me, sit far away, and just make me feel bad. So after a month I broke up with him because he was bringing me down, and I felt emotionally drained. During our relationship I told him to get a depression screening due to his suicidal remarks and always being down. He goes to therapy already but it never seemed to help. After we broke up he was diagnosed with major depression. He started to make my life a living hell. I would get the worst text messages about how he is going to kill himself and how he is bleeding everywhere. Also about how I’m such a bad person and a heartbreaker and that I was pretty much a for doing this to him. He blamed everything on me and I felt like I couldn’t stop texting him because if I did and he killed himself, I would feel that I was the whole reason he would die and I wouldn’t be able to live with that. I tried to get his parents number to talk to them but he refused to give it to me, so I got his brothers number, but his brother refused too and decided to start bashing me too and blaming everything on me. I was on vacation and every morning at like 7 am I would get texts from his brother saying that he wouldn’t be alive when I came home and that he loved me so much, I broke his heart, and he will never live if I started to see another guy while I’m in college or whenever. My ex sent me a 3 page message on Facebook saying how he hopes I get notification that he is dead and committed suicide because of me. I have never cried or felt so bad about myself in my whole life, it was horrible. I tried to help him and I researched depression and to see what he was going through because I was naïve about the whole thing. I never thought I would be in this kind of situation so I felt lost and confused. He then started to stalk me and show up to parties I was and just ruin it and if I didn’t talk to him, he would storm out and go break something or hurt himself. He said that I should do something nice for him for once and get back together with him even if I didn’t, just to make him happy and of course I couldn’t do that. Eventually he admitted to me about a week before went to college that he was too much of a pansy to kill himself but if he did he would want me to watch him do it. After I got that, I stopped talking, and texting him back because I knew he wouldn’t. About a week ago I got a text and he apologized to me and said that the meds worked and that he was much better now and wanted to be friends. I said yea I forgive and forget because I was always scared to go home and run into him and after that it helped me to move on from this problem. Well 4 days ago he talked to me again he said can I be honest, I am actually worse and started saying all the stuff he had said during the summer and now I’m scared to go home and run into him because I’m afraid of what he will do. Can you help me to move on?!

Honey, he is bad news. You aren't responsible for him. Don't let him see that this bothers you. If I were in your place I would speak to the police about a restraining order.

All of this sounds like he is having fun with you, or else he is taunting you and haunting you to make himself feel sadistically better.

If he is depressed, let him deal with it alone. You aren't his mother.

Be confident. Surround yourself with friends. Speak to your parents.

In my opinion all this is NOT your fault so stop blaming yourself for it. I agree with the last answer I think you should file a retraining order against him. No one should be scared to go home.

This is emotional blackmail and there are reds flags all over the place here.The potential for more of the same behavior or worse seems inevitable unless he has found someone else to harass and manipulate.

If you have any texts or anything to prove what he has said to you,take it to the police.

It is not difficult to get a restraining order.

The order will be served to him and it will state that he is not to contact you via phone or email and that he is not allowed within a certain space of your home or workplace.

He is mentally ill and it may be depression but for all you know it could be something more serious.

Clearly,he is a troubled young man but that is not your fault or your responsibility.

I know you do not want to get the law involved but I think that is the only way to get him away from you.

You can NOT be friends with him,he does not know how to accept boundaries!

This is how stalking begins ,with this type of emotional blackmail.You HAVE to get an order against him.For your safety!

All of the above answers are right on. You must contact the police- they can contact his school and call his parents and let THEM know what's going on. None of this is your fault, and it's not your fault if he does something drastic. This guy is dangerous, not only to himself, but probably to you as well. Please take the advice you've been given here- I was in your situation when I was twenty- all of the harassment stopped when I was able to locate my exe's psychiatrist and tell her what he was doing. In this case, as your ex is a juvenile, the police can do this for you. Please, please do it...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kadehadaire

Honey, he is bad news. You aren't responsible for him. Don't let him see that this bothers you. If I were in your place I would speak to the police about a restraining order.

All of this sounds like he is having fun with you, or else he is taunting you and haunting you to make himself feel sadistically better.

If he is depressed, let him deal with it alone. You aren't his mother.

Be confident. Surround yourself with friends. Speak to your parents.

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The above is so right. I had an ex who did a very similar thing - I got with a new guy (who I've now been with for 4 years) but when my ex found out he went loopy. Now he was the one that broke up with me, but I think he liked to see me as a safety net. These guys like to think that they have something over you - mine kept topping up my mobile phone so I had no excuse not to text back, he turned up at my school, my house, my social club. It was scary, I never knew how he found out where to find me, so must have been following me. Anyway, long story short, he did the suicidal threats thing etc, then when he realised (after a couple of months) that it was no longer working on me, he decided to tell me he had a life threatening brain tumor (all of this when he was being accepted into the forces... Dodgy). Well I finally had enough, changed my mobile number, blocked him on the internet and told him that I would tell the police if he showed up around me again. It worked, and surprisingly he is still single, but very much alive and in the forces.

Sounds to me like your guy just wants to have a huge degree of control over you, even if it makes you depressed/drained - he clearly doesn't care that much, sounds like an obsession to me. I know that it has been a long time since your original post, but seriously, if he hasn't stopped bugging you by now, talk to the police. I took advice from them, and they were seriously concerned for my welfare as I am for yours... I'm only 20 now, but having to deal with someone stalking you in your teen years is the last thing that you need to deal with.

If you would like to message about it, even if it's just to chat, let me know - I could've done with someone to talk to, I had huge guilt for years, but I got over it. Be strong, and make that break if you haven't managed to already.

Hugs

H :o

Thank you all for all of your advice, I really appreciate it. I have signed up with the counseling center at my college and talking to the therapist and she is helping me a lot with my guilt and such. So thanks, its great to get such great advice :) <3