My brother has a daughter that he only gets to see 4 hours a week and that is only if the mother lets him come over (when he was getting divorced he was unsure of how to answer to a petition for a divorce so he had a default judgment against him). He pays a great amount of child support and has never been late on it as well he does not have the income to obtain a lawyer and my nieces' mother, grandmother and grandfather are making it difficult for my brother to see his daughter and have always called him a "sperm donor" even though they were married. It has come to the point that he is considering giving up his rights to his daughter. My question is, how does he go about giving up his rights if he decides to?

In 99% of the States he cannot give up his rights - even if he can, he does NOT stop paying child support unless someone else adopts the child. He cannot surrender his rights in TN - unless there is an adoptive father standing by.

If there is already a visitation order, then he needs to go to Court to get it enforced.

If support is beyond the guidelines in TN, then he needs to get the amount changed - also by going to Court. What do you consider to be a "great amount" of support?

If he wants visitation he goes to Court and requests it.

I don't understand why he didn't respond to a petition for divorce which included child support and vistitation and, instead, allowed a default to be taken against him - no one else understood what the papers meant and he didn't seek legal advice?

The thing is he cannot afford an attorney and his ex-wife has a lawyer that her parents pay for and the attorney they have are good friends with the judge that he would go in front of and the judge all but told him if he wants any sort of visitation that he will need a lawyer. As for child support his ex wrote down that he makes more than he does plus lied to the childsupport office and told him he hasn't paid anything when he was paying her something but had not receipt from it and he has tried to go to his caseworker in the child support office who told him she didn't have time for an appt and that he could not change that information on his income.

As for the responding to the divorce he did go to a lawyer but was told that they couldn't help without him hiring them. The divorce was over a year ago though so he can't challenge the judges decision

Giving up his rights simply means that he has no power in making decisions when it comes to the health and well being of the child. Should the child have to have major surgery, and your brother is opposed and knows of a better way to heal the child... he will be powerless when it comes to making that decision. He will, however, have to continue paying child support.

Oh, and I live in Tennessee as well.

Let me warn you up front that I'm not in the best of moods (Giants lost) so you may not like what I have to say.

First, let me ask you why you ignore instructions. At the top of this forum is a sticky note Signing Over Right READ FIRST. Yet you obviously didn't read it first. Had you done so, you would have known that he can't just give up his rights and even if he could, he would still be responsible for support. So he can forget that tactic.

Second, how dare he he want to abandon his child! A child is not something that he can just give up. He was partially responsible for bringing her into the world and is responsible for her well being.

As far as not being able to afford an attorney, has he tried? Has he talked to attorneys? In Family law they will often take cases with deferred payments. Or they might be able to get the fees paid by the other party if it can be shown that are skirting the law. What you said about the judge and the caseworker don't sound right and if they are true means he's not trying very hard.

He needs to build some backbone and fight for his daughter!

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Originally Posted by peanut0624

The thing is he cannot afford an attorney and his ex-wife has a lawyer that her parents pay for and the attorney they have are good friends with the judge that he would go in front of and the judge all but told him if he wants any sort of visitation that he will need a lawyer. As for child support his ex wrote down that he makes more than he does plus lied to the childsupport office and told him he hasnt paid anything when he was paying her something but had not receipt from it and he has tried to go to his caseworker in the child support office who told him she didnt have time for an appt and that he could not change that information on his income.

as for the responding to the divorce he did go to a lawyer but was told that they couldnt help without him hiring them. the divorce was over a year ago though so he can't challenge the judges decision

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So he would rather pay what he considers to be outside the TN guidelines - apparently - then spend that same money to reduce the Order?

Scott said it all - if he cares at all about his child he'll find a way.

And by the time this got to a caseworker it was too late.

To be perfectly harsh, maybe his ex-wife and her family are right. Maybe he was/is nothing more than a sperm donor.

Well thank you for the advice but not everyone is well off enough to afford an attorney and I have gone through a divorce just recently and there is NO attorney willing to help in TN UNLESS you (being a woman of course) are being physically abused. I have contacted the legal aid and they cannot assist as well I have talked to numerous lawyers in his area who have gotten cheated out of money so they don't do payment plans as well the city he lives in has a divorce rate of well over 50% (its military) so not very many lawyers will accept that they cannot be afforded.

You know a mom can make it next to impossible for the father to see their child and in his case we have all tried to talk to her about how important having a father is however. My nieces maternal gramma believes that all men are good for is sperm donorship and women can do without men. He actually has taken on a second job so that he can actually pay the bills since his ex-wife takes over 50% of his paycheck and so its kind of difficult to pay to modify something with no extra income...

Also I NEVER once said that he hasn't tried everything in his power to get his daughter back or that he doesn't love her or that he is giving up nor that he wouldn't go completely broke getting her back but REALISTICALLY its unfair to make someone so poor they cannot afford their bills... it must be nice to sit on your high thrones and look down on others.

First, you are WAY out of line. You have no idea where I've been or how I got to where I am. Don't judge me - or anyone else - unless you know a lot more about us than you appear to know.

Second, if he's paying 50% in child support HE NEEDS TO GET THE ORDER CHANGED. He does NOT need an Attorney to do this.

High horse? The rest of us support our children, we don't look for a way to abandon them - which is what your brother is doing.

By the way, he can't speak for himself and needs you to talk to AMHD and his "ex's" relatives?

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Originally Posted by peanut0624

well thank you for the advice but not everyone is well off enough to afford an attorney and I have gone through a divorce just recently and there is NO attorney willing to help in TN UNLESS you (being a woman of course) are being physically abused. I have contacted the legal aid and they cannot assist as well I have talked to numerous lawyers in his area who have gotten cheated out of money so they dont do payment plans as well the city he lives in has a divorce rate of well over 50% (its military) so not very many lawyers will accept that they cannot be afforded.

You know a mom can make it next to impossible for the father to see their child and in his case we have all tried to talk to her about how important having a father is however. my nieces maternal gramma believes that all men are good for is sperm donorship and women can do without men. He actually has taken on a second job so that he can actually pay the bills since his ex-wife takes over 50% of his paycheck and so its kind of difficult to pay to modify something with no extra income....

Also I NEVER once said that he hasnt tried everything in his power to get his daughter back or that he doesnt love her or that he is giving up nor that he wouldnt go completely broke getting her back but REALISTICALLY its unfair to make someone so poor they cannot afford their bills....it must be nice to sit on your high thrones and look down on others.

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RElAX a little and look at the board you are posting on. Do you notice a pattern of how many men actually want to give up their rights SOLELY to get out of child support? There is a growing trend here. Now this may not be the case with your family, yet, it is still a trend.

Now, I wasn't on my high horse... I answered your question from a Tennessee standpoint as I live near Memphis.

Giving up his rights simply means that he gives up the right to make decisions regarding the health and welfare of his daughter. It in no way means that he does not pay child support.

I don't believe there is any law in Tennessee that says he HAS to have a lawyer. He can apply for a change in custody so long as enough time has passed. Another thing he should be doing is cut off this sperm donor business. He can get restraining orders for that. He can study up on the local laws and start pushing back. So long as he sticks with the law they are less likely to afford a lawyer the longer it goes. If he puts up the fight it can be done.

First I just want to apologize because I wasn't talking about any of you that had given me some much needed advice... I was talking to "scott" he made it sound as if my brother was just trying to get out of paying for his daughter when in reality every step my brother has taken has been blocked by someone and that, as family, we have been trying to help him find a way to see his daughter more... I myself have a dad that hasn't given 2 s about his son until I left him and he had realized that he would have to pay me child support. The ironic thing is both my brother and I had the same judge and he pays 50% and mine pays just about 21% (we actually live in 2 different counties but the judges are the same in both) I really appreciate all the advice here and I realize there are A lot of dads out there that are just trying to get out of any sort of child support but as always the "good" dads get screwed over by the deadbeat dads.


AGAIN I apologize to everyone... wasn't talking about you!

First in Tennessee, the amount you pay is set by a state schedule, it is based on the income of both parents in a forula.

But also TN in general is one of those states that will put the man in jail very fast for being late in payment of child support.

Also they don't even consider talking away the fathers rights except for some specific actions of the father, such as abuse, jail time and danger to the child

No problem - good that you came back. It's an emotional time for you, I'm sure, and it looks like you and your brother have little understanding of the law - and most people don't.

TN uses a calculator which takes many factors into consideration when it calculates the amount a person MUST (by State Law) pay in child support. Here's the link to the calculator: Tennessee Child Support Calculator - AllLaw.com.

It is entirely possibly that two people who appear on the surface to have the same situation in reality do not. Also, if your brother did not appear his "ex" provided all the figures necessary for the calculations - and if that is the case I'm sure there was at least a little bit of exaggeration, both deflating her figures and inflating his.

He does not need an Attorney - but he does need to go to the Court that handles these matters and file for (as I said) either visitation (or more visitation) and a reduction of support. If the "ex" is in violation, then he needs to bring that to the Court's attention.

Honestly, he'll be all right. He just needs to sort of swallow hard and go and do it. He gets one chance (as I realize you know) to father this child and this is the time to do that.

I wish you well and trust you will come back and let us know how he is doing, how this is working out or what additional info you need to help him.

EDIT: have got to add that I agree with Scott's post (immediately below mine). No one has any preconceived notions about anyone. The legal opinions, options, are based on the info posted. 50% doesn't seem to make sense - ?

I warned you that you wouldn't like what I had to say. But I stand by it. It was based on what YOU have told us.

You claim he is paying 50% of his income in support. Yet that doesn't seem to conform to TN law. If he doesn't think he can afford an attorney then he has to do a lot of homework. He has to research everything fully and carefully to understand his rights and responsibilities. And he has to do it, not you doing it for him. He has to commit to spending all his free time fighting for his daughter. I'm not getting a sense that he's doig that.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

I warned you that you wouldn't like what I had to say. But I stand by it. It was based on what YOU have told us.

You claim he is paying 50% of his income in support. Yet that doesn't seem to conform to TN law. If he doesn't think he can afford an attorney then he has to do a lot of homework. He has to research everything fully and carefully to understand his rights and responsibilities. And he has to do it, not you doing it for him. He has to commit to spending all his free time fighting for his daughter. I'm not getting a sense that hes doig that.

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I would also like to add that he may be paying at the state guidelines and it is overwritten by arrears. In the case of arrears they can take up to 50% by federal law. Im just throwing that in so we keep perspective here. If his ex said he never paid a dime and it took 1 year to complete then he could have some staggering arrears. I think you see what's being said here. There are guidelines and there are mandates from the courts for collection of arrears. That's how the courts make their money.

And to Judy, The statement I made about not having to have a lawyer to represent them was from the OP's statement that they were supposedly told by a judge that they HAD to have one. I believe it best if they have representation but I couldn't find any laws for Tennessee stating that the OP HAD to have one. I believe Tn is one of the states that uses civil court as part of a " Family Court " system. Its not separate at all. Some states like Calif have it separated into 3 courts. Some states do not.