Kay so here's the deal.
My boyfriend's phone is broken, he can get calls and make calls, but only if he remembers the numbers, because he can't see anything on the screen. This means that he also can't see if he's had any missed calls. And when it broke, it was on vibrate. Well, he clearly can't see the screen to change that setting. I had been trying to call him for about an hour, because he had asked me to call him when I woke up. Well, he wasn't answering, so I figured I'd shoot on Facebook for a sec to see if his room mate was online so he could pass the message. Well, he was online, So I asked, "hey, could you please let him know that I've been trying to call him? I'd appreciate it!" That's was almost the entirety of the conversation other than the "thank you" exchange.

I had never spoken to him on Facebook before, and I wouldn't have if I could have at least texted my boyfriend, or if he was able to hear his phone or whatever.

Well, now my boyfriend is mad at me because I talked to his friend on Facebook. That was the only time, for that reason alone.
He hates Facebook, and gets kind of jealous. (which I completely understand, because I get sort of jealous too)

Did I do the wrong thing in asking his room mate to pass on the message?
I mean, I could have just waited for him to call back, but I didn't know how long that would be or if his phone was even more messed up. I just wanted to make sure that he knew I'd been trying to get ahold of him.
Opinions?

I don't think you did anything wrong, after all, you only did it because you wanted to hear from him. Maybe try and show him the conversation, or get the roommate to have a word with your boyfriend. Hope it helps :) xx

He is mad at you for no reason at all whatsoever if this is the only thing that set it off.

How irrational.

So he's mad at you for talking to another guy? He sounds very controlling. That's not a good sign.

Well, I can understand why it would bother him, because we both made our fair share of mistakes (involving other people) so it's rifted the trust, but we've been working on mending it. For the most part things are good, he just doesn't want anything to happen. I'm the same way, but I think I'm a little more fair. If he had asked my friend to let me know that he was calling, I wouldn't be mad at all.

If you can't trust each other enough to be able to talk to eachother's friends you shouldn't be together, I'm sorry.

I can understand being a certain lack of trust due to past mistakes, but that's too much. If you've betrayed him so much that you can't talk to his friend without getting worried. Then you both need to take a break from relationships and learn to love yourselves.

Ohso, you did nothing wrong. I don't think it is as much about Facebook as everything else that is going on. Frustration, etc. can cause someone to over-react to even the smallest thing.

Give him (and yourself) a chance to calm down and think about what he got upset over. Then talk with him about what happened and work out a way that is acceptable to both of you to get in touch with him if you aren't sure his phone is working. You might bring up that with work and classes, phone tag is not going to be easy with one phone not working well.

I can see why some would think that.
It was more because of the fact that it was over Facebook that bothered him.
He's not thinking "oh she was talking to my friend" He's reading around it. Like "I wonder if she's flirting with other guys"
It's not the fact that I talked to his friend that's really the issue, it's the Facebook.

He never gets on his ever, because he hates it.
I've hung out with him and his friends before and there wasn't a problem. His friend that I talked to even gave me rides home a couple of times. He wasn't mad about that.

So he's mad at you for doing something that he hates doing. Again this is a very unreasonable reason to get mad at someone.

He is overreacting.
Trust is earned but since you are trying to repair it ,he should give you the benefit of the doubt.
I would not make an issue of it but in the future I think you need to have a serious talk about what both of you expect from the relationship.
If he is insecure about the relationship then he needs to say that and not get in a huff over a simple text.

Ohso
It's very unreasonable as you did nothing wrong , if the pair of you are having issues with trivial stuff like this then you really need to sit down and talk about it and realise that if you can't handle trivial issues at this early stage you won't last long when the real serious issues in life pop up.

As far as the "mistakes with other people" I'm assuming there must have been some degree of cheating , whether it be physical or emotional (clarify if I'm wrong) , therefore remember and learn from that for the future , and realise what a strain that can have on a relationship.

Ohso, he's overreacting and you're under reacting. He has no right to be mad about this and the worst part is, you're pushing it aside, making excuses for him.

You did nothing wrong, you have nothing to apologize for and you have to make it very clear to him that you won't put up with this sort of childish behavior from him. Getting mad because you used Facebook to pass on a message to him? Is he 10?

Trust is important in a relationship. If he doesn't trust you then it's time to find someone that does.

If you decide to stay then you have to make sure that he knows you won't be treated like this over nothing.

Of course, that's what I would do, so it's just my opinion. Then again, I've been with my hubby for 19 years, so obviously whatever I'm doing is working, right? ;)

Well, good news, he apologized. He told me that he was sorry for getting grouchy.

And as far as the "other people" stuff, it was technically before we actually started dating officially, but we had liked each other for a while. All too complicated.

I'm just glad that were working things out and that he apologized to me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ohsohappy

Well, good news, he apologized. He told me that he was sorry for getting grouchy.

And as far as the "other people" stuff, it was technically before we actually started dating officially, but we had liked each other for a while. All too complicated.

I'm just glad that were working things out and that he apologized to me.

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Communication it does a relationship good. :)

Come to my house, and I'll show you some real screw ups, to be mad about.

Contrary to what most are saying, I can understand his problem a little bit. The fact that he is now a bit insecured plays a part. I had called a friend using my gf's phone because I didn't have mine and then she had it in her phone... soon my friend would text her phone but when I had my phone back she would still get texts from him... soo I figured he was confused so I told him to text my phone instead because it is working now... I was a bit bothered but fixed it instantly with no hassle.
You are right though. He shouldn't be upset because you were only trying to reach him and its not like you just decided to write one of his friends with "hey how are you, can't wait till we hang out again" or something like that. Then that's truly understandable. He shouldn't be upset. Maybe he knows that but his mind is playing games with him.

I don't think the issue is if he has a right to be upset, instead the questions is why and what is behind all this. Speak to him... Not just him apologizing... sit down and tell him you are concerned and you care and you don't want that happening again but you need to know why he feels upset? Reassure him only if you mean it and things should get better.
This sounds fixable... Maybe you guys care a lot about each other... I had a relationship like that but if you both speak and show you care without cursing or screaming, you can fix all things. Just don't act childish. Good luck.

Thanks emo, that was really nice. :)
Yeah we have our tiffs, but we always end up working them out. I just get stressed out a lot. He's actually really good about communmicating his feelings to me, he tells me everything. I tell him everything too. We're just working hard to understand each other better. We always talk, usually after one or the other calms down.

He used to have an issue with hanging up on me when he was angry until I told him that if he did it again that I would not bother calling him back, If he doesn't want to listen, we don't need to talk. That stopped the hanging up. I used to do that too, but I realized that it just made things worse.

Little by little things are getting better, and I'm thankful each day that thye do, and that we have good communication. I'm absolutely crazy abou thim.

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Originally Posted by ohsohappy

Thanks emo, that was really nice. :)
Yeah we have our tiffs, but we always end up working them out. I just get stressed out a lot. He's actually really good about communmicating his feelings to me, he tells me everything. I tell him everything too. We're just working hard to understand each other better. We always talk, usually after one or the other calms down.

He used to have an issue with hanging up on me when he was angry until I told him that if he did it again that I would not bother calling him back, If he doesn't wanna listen, we don't need to talk. That stopped the hanging up. I used to do that too, but I realized that it just made things worse.

Little by little things are getting better, and I'm thankful each day that thye do, and that we have good communication. I'm absolutely crazy abou thim.

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The thing is you are working on things.
I yell at my man he yells at me and 10 minutes its over.If that.
People yell,they make up! ;)

That seems to be the way of things. :)

Kay so there's this song called "Drive" By Incubus

And it reminds me of the way my boyfriend thinks.

I'll put down the lyrics, and then kind of tell you why they work.

"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel

This first verse (above) kinda explains how he thinks about things that upset him, and cause him to act irrationally

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found


This second verse ( above again)is talking about seperating himself from the way people think, from that bad habit. Also, it talks about his view of society, adn how he doesn't want to be one of those people that let those things run him, and just accepts the way things are rather than being his own person, adn not being afraid to be different for the right reasons. Water over wine, Water, pure and honest, wine, temptation and living for one's self.

this is all metaphorical obviously, But they're good ones, and that's jsut how I draw a parallel between this song and my boyfriend's way of thinking.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there

Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there"

DOes this make sense?