Ask Me Help Desk - Hard 2 deal with son

I'm 32 and have an 16 year old son.
My wife died 14 years ago so I'm the only parent.
It all seemed to be fine between me and my son up until last year.
I was busy at work and missed his game.
When I went to pick him up he wasn't there and it turned out he got a lift home with one of his friends and didn't tell me.
As you no I was a young father and so I never wanted him to be one either.
When I came home from work the other day he was in his room getting dressed and so was a girl about his age.
I don't know what to do I can't tell him he can't do it because I no he would.
What should I do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by SingleDad

I'm 32 and have an 16 year old son.
My wife died 14 years ago so i'm the only parent.
It all seemed to be fine between me and my son up until last year.
I was busy at work and missed his game.
When I went to pick him up he wasnt there and it turned out he got a lift home with one of his friends and didn't tell me.
As you no I was a young father and so I never wanted him to be one either.
When I came home from work the other day he was in his room getting dressed and so was a girl about his age.
I don't no what to do I can't tell him he can't do it because I no he would.
What should I do??

Be the parent first, then a friend. You need to set boundries for your son. He needs to respect your home and live by YOUR rules as long as he is a minor. Talk to him about safe sex. Tell him that he is not to have sex in your home. If he does, then you have to resort ot some form of punishment.l Ground him, take away his car keys, whatever it is you need to do to let him know that you mean what you say.
Like I always said to my kids before they turned 18 and became responsible for themselves::: When your 18, you may do as you wish, but while you are a minor and under my roof, you will live by my rules !

Have a "man-to-man" talk with your son about the consequences of pre-marital sex and what it can mean for him. You certainly know all about that. You had him when you were only 16. I'm sorry for the death of your wife. I presume this wife was his mother? Granted, in this day and age it's relatively rare for a child to lose a parent to death at such an early age but your example can show how difficult it is to be a single parent. Inform him that if anything happened, he'd have to pay child support for at least the next 18 years of his life. Even if he's still in school, he'll have to pay. And he'll pay a lot more once he finishes school. There's also the risk of STDs which can be deadly.

Lay down the rules and have consequences for disobedience, it is obvious this has not been done before. You should already have had the talk with him in my opinion. 12/13 would have been the best time. So you know he is sexually active and at 16 knows enough of your routine to never be caught to tell the truth. At 16 kids think they are smarter than you and will prove it unless you pay extra attention to them. Not only all there friends and favorite hang outs but the things they may stash in their rooms and even computor habits and phone numbers. Never be too busy at work to not keep track of his comings and goings and who with. He doesn't have to know that a trusted neighbor is watching out and reports to you. This is a challenging time and you must be alert, remember what you did and was capable of at his age. Talk to him a lot, and love him but do not be stupid and go for anything.