I'm 21 yrs old, my husband 24 1/2. We've known each other since I was in high school and 3 yrs ago we decided to make it official and begin a serious relationship. We married after two yrs in the relationship. We now have a 9 month old beautiful daughter. It all sounds perfect up until I begin to explain how jealous he is. My job has relocated me. I have a position men normally have but the job is not messy or hard labor. We actually don't do much. The new people I work with prodominantly men are very nice people and I feel like a family within the group of 4. They often go out to a local restaurant/bar to have a drink and head back to the job which he knew about the first day I started working there. A few days ago he got mad at me because I told him that we were going to grab a drink at the rest/bar, I did not have to tell him and he would have never known but I did just to make sure he wouldn't turn around and say "why didn't you tell me you went or were going?" because of this he's now snooping around and checking my bank account, phone bill, phone etc. I have nothing to hide because I have never ever cheated on him. I thought we had a close relationship, we often go out to strip clubs and bars together and have fun and he knows that I like to enjoy myself. I know that we are married and most people would say that I am wrong for going out to a bar with men but my opinion is if I am not doing anything wrong and I know I am not why can't I enjoy myself with the rest of my coworkers and have a drink? Why do all the men have to be given the right to go out to a bar or have a drink here and there but a women it's not right? I'm a young mother and I believe I deserve the right to enjoy life respectively. This is not the only jealousy situation we have had but this is the latest one that's really bothering me because I know I am not cheating. A week before this incident I asked him to meet me there with the rest of the co workers but he wasn't able to make it, how ever he wasn't mad or uncomfortable with the sitaution, instead of going out with them I waited till he picked me up to have dinner. I just feel like I am being treated as a little girl or a house wife, I bring the bread to the table just as much as he does so what's wrong with me enjoying my life?

Well, there's several things here you need to be mindful of. First of all, I'm curious as to how you and the men you work with get away with having a drink in the middle of the day and then returning to work. Drinking in the middle of your workday is not a good idea and can get you in a lot of trouble with your superiors. It might be different if this were happening during a happy hour after work. Now, notwithstanding the fact that this is occurring in the middle of the workday, strictly speaking there may be nothing wrong with you socializing with your male coworkers. However, if your husband is uncomfortable with that, you need to take his feelings into consideration as well. You don't mention what type of work your husband does but, how would you feel if he worked with predominantly women and went out drinking with them in the middle of his day, then returned back to work with them under the influence of alcohol? I know that if it were me, my wife wouldn't like it at all. And yes, unless you're drinking seltzer water when you go out with these men, you are under the influence after having even only one drink (or more.) That doesn't mean you're necessarily fall-down drunk but you are putting yourself in a position where your judgement could be compromised in the company of all these men, without any other women around to "buffer" things, so to speak. So yes, I can definitely see your husband's concern. Now I don't believe that his snooping is a good thing. I think that some honest and heartfelt communication is a lot better. I know you work to help support your family and you want to enjoy your life and that's all well and good, but understand that, first and foremost, your are a wife and mother and family comes first. Same goes for your husband ; he's a husband and father first and that take precedence over all else. With that said, you need to take your husband's feelings into consideration ; don't just brush them under the table.

You know he is jealous and insecure. Invite him along sometimes to see the guys you hang with (and work with) so he has a chance to see for himself that he has nothing to worry about. My wife and I have always been comfortable in knowing each others friends of the opposite sex, and no problem joining in the fun. The red flag is his need to snoop behind your back, and as cianci has said communication is better. You two need to talk as you have nothing to hide so why look? He sounds as if he has a problem in this area and needs to be forth coming about his feelings. Tell him straight up instead of snooping and complaining, join in and meet the people you party with. Trust is an issue with him. Talk about it.

By cianci

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you need to take your husband's feelings into consideration ; don't just brush them under the table

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You have to do what you must to allay his fears and show him he has nothing to worry about.

Maybe the jealousy steems not from the fact that you are hanging out with guys but that you have a better job than he does and are apparently making more. He might feel like he's letting you and the baby down because he isn't able to provide the level of success that you are. The role of the male is generally of the provider and it sounds like he's having a hard time fitting in to the family structure at home while you are accepted in the "family structure" at work.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Maybe the jealousy steems not from the fact that you are hanging out with guys but that you have a better job than he does and are apparently making more. He might feel like he's letting you and the baby down because he isn't able to provide the level of success that you are. The role of the male is generally of the provider and it sounds like he's having a hard time fitting in to the family structure at home while you are accepted in the "family structure" at work.

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I agree. I happen to be the breadwinner in our household, and my husband and I have had discussions regarding this and it always develops into an argument. So, I have found to "watch my tone" so to speak when it comes to who brings home the most money. On the other hand, I am a sales manager in a car dealership--talk about a one sided male world. Even better, I am the boss of most of them. I do not believe in mixing work with pleasure. That is how I have gotten where I am at in a predominatly male business. It may sound old-fashioned to some, but I believe in keeping my work in as a professional manner as possible. Going out with the guys during or after work will come back to bite you--trust me, I know from experience.

Challenge his insecurity.

Next time he starts something, flat out ask him if he honetly believes you are "a cheater". Either he trusts you, or he doesn't... and without trust, there is no relationship.

As above, I suspect he is uncomfortable with not being the bread-winner himself, and is taking it out on you.

Jealousy is a problem, not evidence of love. He must seek assistance to find out what he is lacking within himself. I have many friends who eventually said it got to be too much and became more of a battle of control. I have been married for many years with a wife who considered very sexy.. 36D/25/36 125# and men look at her and hit on her often. I have seen it as a walk away at parties or clubs. But I am quite proud of my wife and proud that they want what I have. I am very secure with myself. Just another point of view.

I know where you are coming from, but to be honest, I wouldn't go out with them, be lucky that your husband is only jealous if you go out and have drinks, my husbandis jealous to the point that he makes comments about me just working with the opposite sex, it is always something. He constantly stands over my shoulder if I am on the computer, I don't cheat on him wither, he is always making comments about every guy I come into contact with, he has bad dreams sexually about me and other men and wakes up angry at me, I couldn't ask him to join me and any male co workers or he would act like an and embarrass me and then start a fight or tell me to "just go ahead and leave" or else he says he "will just leave" when nothing is going on. He is even jealous of other women, I am a heterosexual married woman we have a four year old son together, and I have never cheated on him, yet it is endless, we can't even go out with our friends to have drinks without him starting a fight with either me or with men that he says is looking at me, he completely embarrassed me at my best friends bachelor/bachelorette party at a nightclub by getting into a fight with a guy that was dancing too close to me and my friends, which the guy was and I politely told him that I was there with my husband, I would not dare go out and have drinks with other men, al I want to do is work and go home to my family and hang out with my girlfriends from time to time, but he has to hover over our conversations adding his two cents and butting in, even if I am just on the phone with them. If I try to dress nice he acts like I am cheating on him. So feel lucky that he is only jealous if you go out with other guys, which you would hate too if he was going out with a group of women, at least you are able to earn a living and not get accused. I didn't mean to sound harsh, but when I start talking about all that my husband accuses me of I tend to get a little upset, it is not intended towards you at all. Best of luck

I think most of the men in this way,so its all normal what you can do is try go with him as well to the bars and rest. Because this way he won't feel left out or bad.


Talking about men, they really feel insecure if their partner go around with other people with whom she works or whatever.I have been into situation ,the psychy of men is all over the world the same regardless of the culture they belong to.


But I personally think that there is nothing wrong with the man you got he is your husband and you should give him time as well,it is not that you can't enjoy yourself or you have to quit being friends to other men, but only you can take him to bar too and may be smoke and drink together.

ALWAYS REMEMER , IT TAKES TWO TO RAISE A FIGHT OR MESS UP THE CONDITION,its not about trust... its more about insecurity that your guy is feeling right now.men arethis way honey! Its not that they don't trust you its because they feel that they might lose a beautiful intelligent wife if they don't be this way... although it might hurt the wife,but we should try to understand our partners.

I BELIEVE GOD has given extra mental and tolerance power to women... so she should try to understand men and takecare of them too.

Please help your guy,this poor fellow is not jealoused of you but he is simply feeling insecure,he might be thinking that you might get impressed by some other collaege of yours and leave him someday... so please help him believe in you and your love..
He is just feeling insecure and nothing else.

:o Well I just got DejaVou.. . and then the vows. What exactly is worth taking a stand that causes discomfort to the man you have pledged your life to? How important are the co-workers? Will they be there to comfort you, love you, play with the little one together? Is that particular stand worth the possibility of contributing to growing a big ugly boil on the relationship? In his own way he is saying how much he loves and needs you and could not bear for another man to come in between. This is all within reason shared. If you made a decision to not meet with the guys for your husbands comfort AND HE PROCEEDS TO GET WORSE AND WORSE..... Hmmm may want to look into some marriage counseling to get down to the deeper core of things... Good Luck Sister