Met a nice guy(this is a new one after the first one I met post my break-up 9 months back.Many of you were right about that one,I just wanst attracted to him and so it just fizzled off.So that chapter's closed).So,went out with this guy twice and had fun.Just chilled and spoke.He kept texting and calling while I decided to keep it very light(all my learning here has taught me to be very relaxed and cautious during the initial stages of the dating period,just get to know each other,have fun,check out compatibility etc etc).

So we spoke and interacted.And every time we liked what we were finding out about each other.And wanted to know more.Two days back he called again and we were chatting when suddenly he had to go because of another call from work.After that till today,I just received one text message.Just a casual hi.To which I didn't think of responding(I have started opearting on the 48 hr deadline action plan which means that if I feel something's just not right within 48 hrs of having a nice time with a guy,I will just pass him up and move on.No more spending time wondering why he didn't call/text,what's playing on his mind etc etc).

But then 3 hrs later when I felt "what the heck,its just a hi",I sent him back a text a while ago.

To which no answer till now.Should I stop dwelling on any possibility here?What if he tries to reach out again?

What's with these short and sweet encounters that people have?I mean,I still don't get the logic behind sudden disappearances and withdrawals,without any reason,after a nice time together.Any ideas anybody?

You were the last to intitate contact. If he wants to talk to you, he will find you. No need to dwell on it anymore. It's out of your control now.

Do your own thing and keep meeting new people.

I agree, the ball is in his court now... relax, wait to see what happens at this point. And if he does make contact again, see where that goes, 'listen' closely to what he is saying and/or how he is acting (watch his body language).

There are many possible reason's for this; he is scared, he is committed already, work, not really interested, bad timing for some reason, was just having fun but not something that he wants to pursue, etc.

Or... yes, there could be a good, logical reason Starry. As I said above, wait now for him to respond and evaluate that.

In either situation, always take it slow and play it close to the chest.

Stringer

Lol, your already trying to figure out what everything means. That's not relaxing, and going with the flow. Just me, I wouldn't even think about the why, and what ifs, I would be carrying on with my own routine, and having my own fun.

Keep telling yourself, there is no hurry, and get out of the text thing as trust me, it cause more problems than it solves. Use the phone why don'tcha, and get a lot more insights into someone you don't know.

If a guy is serious he will chase, and if he doesn't be he shy, or fickle, or even to busy, you know not to get carried away.

It seems most people are so worried about losing a connection to some one new, they skip all the ways of really getting to see what some one is really about, and reading the words and actions to see if they are matching.

Don't you think a simple "HI" text is a lazy way of starting a conversation, or reaching out? I do.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Lol, your already trying to figure out what everything means. Thats not relaxing, and going with the flow. Just me, I wouldn't even think about the why, and what ifs, I would be carrying on with my own routine, and having my own fun.

Keep telling yourself, there is no hurry, and get out of the text thing as trust me, it cause more problems than it solves. Use the phone why don'tcha, and get a lot more insights into someone you don't know.

If a guy is serious he will chase, and if he doesn't be he shy, or fickle, or even to busy, you know not to get carried away.

It seems most people are so worried about losing a connection to some one new, they skip all the ways of really getting to see what some one is really about, and reading the words and actions to see if they are matching.

Don't you think a simple "HI" text is a lazy way of starting a conversation, or reaching out?? I do.

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Tal,you and the rest are so right.I had started getting the usual panicky feeling of uncertainty,insecurity,the old doubts(why isn't he calling me,why just a short,curt hi,etc etc) but then I let some time pass.I cooled down,thought level-headedly that nothing for that matter,had actually gone that wrong.I mean the last we spoke was three days back and then this text.Nothing to get so hassled about honestly.There was nothing in his actions or words to show he had begun to withdraw.Even if he has,its not like I am having a relationship with him that we owe each other explanations as to why we weren't available/couldnt call etc etc.

So,like Stringer says,I am just waiting to see what happens as I continue being involved with my own activities.If he wants to go out/call me,he knows what to do:)

Another lesson learnt during my tough times came in handy here : to force myself to calm down,not give in to insecurities and rash,impulsive behaviour and ruin my chances at something that's looking good(tchwood).The moment I felt panicky I came here and vented and then took myself away from it all to allow some time to lapse.Things automatically didn't look that bleak after that!I still had my friends and family,my own life to lead.

He wants me?Better come and get me before someone else finds me irresistible and carries me away,what say:D

You're on the right track Starry.

Stringer

I not going to bash the guy over the head,but I'm not a big texter,nor phone caller.

And unless its work or emergency,I usually just let it go.

If someone (a man) wants to speak with you and make a plan,the next time he will make a set date to see you.

I see no harm in being a little unavailable... your busy.

Ok,so it was three days that I got to hear from him after my last casual "hi" text.Curiosity got the better of me and I buzzed him today but for some strange reason,my call could not go through.It was showing unreachable.So I texted him asking whether we could just have a small chat.To which he replies(an hour later) that he was sick,so if we could speak later.

I didn't know what to feel really and once again felt my rash,impulsive self taking over me.Sick?So sick he couldn't talk?What kind of sickness was that etc etc?Who was he kidding etc etc,you know the rest!:rolleyes:But I calmed myself down and texted him,I was sorry to hear that he wasn't well and that we could talk when he felt better.

Now,the ball seriously feels like being in his court because now I won't feel like contacting till he contacts me since I have told him we can talk when he's better.When's that, depends on him and will show me what I want to know--i.e whether he's really interested.

Right?

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Originally Posted by Starry nights

Ok,so it was three days that I got to hear from him after my last casual "hi" text.Curiosity got the better of me and I buzzed him today but for some strange reason,my call could not go through.It was showing unreachable.So I texted him asking whether we could just have a small chat.To which he replies(an hour later) that he was sick,so if we could speak later.

I didnt know what to feel really and once again felt my rash,impulsive self taking over me.Sick?So sick he couldnt talk?What kind of sickness was that etc etc?Who was he kidding etc etc,you know the rest!:rolleyes:But I calmed myself down and texted him,I was sorry to hear that he wasnt well and that we could talk when he felt better.

Now,the ball seriously feels like being in his court cos now I wont feel like contacting till he contacts me since I have told him we can talk when he's better.When's that, depends on him and will show me what I want to know--i.e whether he's really interested.

Right?

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Ok friends,here's an update I thought you might be interested in,in case you are reading my latest posts:)

So,after the last post,I was just going about my own life and all that when one day,he calls.And apologises for not calling,since he wasn't well.Ok,so I sympathise,ask him how he's doing and we start talking.So,it started that way and we have been talking/texting ever since.Not meeting a lot(since he's had to be on official trips ever since he's recovered)but there's a promise that we will once WE BOTH can make it.

Reason I wanted to share this with you is cos post my break-up,barring a few uninteresting episodes/dates with a few guys,I was looking for an opportunity to apply whatever relationship(and also life-changing)truths I had learnt WITH a guy I was really interested in,to see (a)whether I had really learnt my lessons and really had it in me to have a healthy,nurturing,mutually satisfying relationship WITH a GUY I AM ATTRACTED IN and (b)whether there was any truth in ideas I have been hearing/reading and preaching myself here,like in order to love someone I need to love myself,that a guy who likes me would like me just the way I am,that taking it slow really does pay,that in order to show I care,I don't need to go out of my way or lose myself respect and basically all the good things I had started believing blindly.I needed to know for sure that I was healed,inside out and that my unhealthy,insecure ideas about a relationship had changed too.

And by God's grace I now believe,more than ever,in all the lessons I have learnt,all the advice you have always given me and made me whole again.I can't thank all of you enough.

Its still very early to tell what's going to happen with this guy later on.We have just started seeing each other.But that's another learning too,to not convince myself HE IS THE ONE and then run after him like crazy,trying to convince him the same too:)But for the time being,I am feeling positive,cared for,respected.I am also feeling good about the fact that he says he can't wait to talk to me and is waiting for the time when we will meet.Feels nice that a guy as attractive,sensitive and nice as he is, feels like he can't have enough of me.Touchwood for me,people:)

And to think that I am practically not doing anything but be wooed and courted by him.Just the way it should be.I don't text him/call him everyday.Very rarely,cos he's the one who keeps calling everyday:).I never ask him what he's up to,what his plans are,why he didn't call when he said he would.I give him the idea I have a life of my own,am busy with work,friends and family,have fun and am fun to be with(all of which are not at all put on,but hard-earned lessons,as you all know).In fact,its surprising that every time he has to hang up before we finish our conversation,he apologises the next time and explains why he had to do that,WITHOUT MY ASKING!

Unbelievable,isn't it,considering that here's this woman,who thought she had to change her whole life/herself,give,give,give and do all the work in a relationship in order to attract and keep a decent guy,here she is,not really caring whether a (more than)decent guy's calling her every day,what's on his mind,what he's up to and all that.She's not acting (or feeling)insecure,hyper,impulsive and ruining his interest in her.She's enjoying life and knows that she will still do that with or without him.

But yes,I do make it a point to show him I am interested in him,like talking to and meeting him,value our time together.Which he really likes!But there's also the idea that I am this attractive,confident woman who can put her foot down if she feels things aren't going the way they should and there are other fish in the sea.For the first time in my life,maybe,I have learnt how to be and feel cool with attractive guys and have them chasing me instead:)

Enough said.Maybe all this feeling good-about-myself thing shouldn't be too hyped and I am superstitious about feeling too good too soon.But felt like sharing some good stuff with all of you since you have been with me through the bad!

Thanks Starry keep going and good luck.

I don't want to kill your happiness. I am very happy for you! I hope everything keeps getting better. First when he didn't call, you were here (which is better than bothering him), but it still shows you haven't totally stopped being dependent on something and that you don't feel all that happy without a certain something. Now he did call and text and you are the happiest ever. I'm just scared you can be let down fast and go through hard times again. I hope you see what I'm saying. Just don't depend on his calls or texts or him to make you happy. You are perfect alone.

Agreed, no one can ever make you happy (period). Being happy is your responsibility alone. Your choice to be happy or not.

Others can make you happier than you are... yes. But actually being 'happy' is left to you alone. It IS an intrinsic emotion.

Stringer

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Originally Posted by Stringer

Agreed, no one can ever make you happy (period). Being happy is your responsibility alone. Your choice to be happy or not.

Others can make you happier than you are...yes. But actually being 'happy' is left to you alone. It IS an intrinsic emotion.

Stringer

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I totally agree and that's why my posts.Its like I am monitoring myself on what progress I have made,on the "being happy by myself" front.Thats why when he wasn't calling and I started reacting,I decided I wasn't going to go through the whole emotional roller-coaster and "wonder what happned" games anymore.

SO I backed off and let go.Not even thinking twice about the whole affair.

That's why when he started calling and showing interest,it was like a whole new revelation to me.I realised that without making a single move and acting on any impulse,he himself wanted to take the initiative in starting something.If you notice my posts,the only thing I am so upbeat about is the fact that if he's at all interested in me,its because I didn't bother doing anything at all.Just kept living my life happily.So,the fact that he's interested goes to show that this interest is just based on what he's seen/heard of me and no extra effort on my part.

That's a big first step guys,don't you think,the realisation that I can be and am happy with my life and am not desperate to go after someone(though I was doing that initially).Its an eye-opener for a girl who always used to look for validation of her qualities and personality in the eyes of a man.

I will not go back that road any more.Ever.For this guy,for any guy,for anybody.I think this is the beginning of a new journey for me,one where I really learn to enjoy my own life,just the way it is.

Old expression:

"Run away until you 'let' him catch you."

Stringer

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Originally Posted by Stringer

Old expression:

"Run away until you 'let' him catch you."

Stringer

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And feel free while I do that--free to live my life,free to choose,free to let go,basically feel empowered and confident about myself:)

Feels lot more fun and less stressful dating a guy while being who I want to be and not who he wants me to be:)