Ask Me Help Desk - Marriage and pregnancy

Marriage and pregnancy

When a women is pregnant and she obviously cannot drink and smoke anymore for 9 months +

Is it selfish to believe the husband should do the same?
Or its OK for him to do it once in a while?
Does it mean the husband cannot - because the wife cannot?

Thanks

Hi, Krs!

I know that you're going to get a number of different views on this. My own personal view, is that when the wife is preganant, that, if I'm the husband, that WE are pregnant. I think that the husband should bear with the wife and share any of the burdens and restrictions that the wife might need to endure.

I also think, that if both the husband and wife agree on things about what can be done and can't, that things will go a lot more smoothly.

Selfish to want the husband to do something like the wife has to do? Tough call there, and I can only answer for the way that I feel and think, and I've already voiced how I feel and think. Others may feel and think differently.

That's my opinion anyway...

Hopefully, others will also come along to address your question!

Thanks!

Thanks Clough.. I'm prepared to receive a numbe of different views.
I personally agree with you in part WE are pregnant :)

Its tricky because I don't feel I can't stop him from meeting his friends once in a while to have a beer or 2...

There are medical reasons for limiting the mother's alcohol consumption to 3 - 5 glasses of wine, preferably red, per week. One would think one's partner could share that lifestyle choice.

I smoked for 35 years, I haven't quit yet it's just been 3 years since I lit up, but I've known that my smoking was bad for any mothers or babies I came in contact with for decades.

Hi again, Krs!

It's a murky area... You have a different "job" now, because of being pregnant. You need to take care of your own body as well as the body that's growing within you, while the status and responsibilities concerning your husband's job and friends might not have changed at all.

I still do think that "sharing and caring" would be the best way for a husband to go...

Thanks!

I was a smoker and I enjoyed a drink at d weekend we both did.. I gave up everything as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

My husband to give him credit really cut down on smoking if he smokes 2 at night and he goes outside which I appreciate a lot.

Last night he went out with his guys friends I was invited but didn't feel like so I encouraged him to go and have fun.. but this morning its like I disagreed with it all.. even though last night I encouraged him..

This is the first time he has gone out alone since we got pregnant

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krs

Last night he went out with his guys friends i was invited but didnt feel like so i encouraged him to go and have fun.. but this morning its like i disagreed with it all.. even though last night i encouraged him..

Is he feeling guilty, that he thinks you disapprove, or are you acting a little resentful?

Not sure as he is at work now.. but he must think I'm crazy as last night I encouraged him and this morning I was a little resentful :(

Blame it on morning sickness, but does he deserve an apology when he gets home? That is a question, but you don't need to answer me.

Omigosh your pregnant!! I need a drink, and a cigarette. (darn it, I don't drink)

Congrats Krs, wish you well, but let hubby do what ever he thinks it takes to deal with his pregnant female. Yes WE are pregnant, but its your body the baby is in, and from experience, Your emotions and mood changes and swings may drive him crazy (comes with the territory ) so give him some freedom to be a guy.

I think that Tal is right. It's good that your husband is at least smoking and drinking away fromyou, but 9 months is a LONG time to just go cold turkey for someone who is addicted. I'm sure you might still crave a cigarette every once and a while, but you know better than to smoke. As long as he's doing everythign else that he can to take care of you, then I think you'll be just fine. I think from you it's a bit more of the face that you wish you could still, So you're a bit jealous because he doesn't have to give them up. I definitely see your point. He's making an effort to cut back on his smoking, and if his drinkiong isn't too frequent, then I'd give him some slack.
When you have cravings, just have him run to the store for you. :) You'll be getting special treatment for 9 months, as long as you don't overdo it, You can both have what you want. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krs

not sure as he is at work now.. but he must think im crazy as last night i encouraged him and this morning i was a little resentful :(

First, congratulations on the pregnancy. I hope all goes well. :)

Second, been there, it isn't about the drinking, but about feeling left out and restricted from doing things you would normally do together. In some ways, it probably feels like he abandoned you, even though, you know that isn't what happened.

'Last night' night, you weren't thinking about the fact that you would be "stuck" at home by yourself, when you encouraged him to have some fun. 'This morning', however, you have lived through wondering what he was doing, what kind of music was playing, were there any good stories told, and so forth. I would guess you had/have a few questions running around in your head such as: Why did I stay home? Why did he go even though I kicked him out the door?

Third, something I am sure you have said a time or two, talk with him and explain how you feel. Work out a compromise so that if he goes out with the boys, you have something lined up so that you don't feel alone or left out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

I'm sure you might still crave a cigarette every once and a while, but you know better than to smoke. As long as he's doing everythign else that he can to take care of you, then I think you'll be just fine. I think from you it's a bit more of the face that you wish you could still, So you're a bit jealous because he doesn't have to give them up. I definitely see your point. He's making an effort to cut back on his smoking, and if his drinkiong isn't too frequent, then I'd give him some slack.
When you have cravings, just have him run to the store for you. :) You'll be getting special treatment for 9 months, as long as you don't overdo it, You can both have what you want. :)

Yes of course I crave id be lying if I said I didn't - but I won't even dare smoke...
I also can't complain about my husband really he is a very good man who works hard for our future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

First, congratulations on the pregnancy. I hope all goes well. :)

Second, been there, it isn't about the drinking, but about feeling left out and restricted from doing things you would normally do together. In some ways, it probably feels like he abandoned you, even though, you know that isn't what happened.

'Last night' night, you weren't thinking about the fact that you would be "stuck" at home by yourself, when you encouraged him to have some fun. 'This morning', however, you have lived through wondering what he was doing, what kind of music was playing, were there any good stories told, and so forth. I would guess you had/have a few questions running around in your head such as: Why did I stay home? Why did he go even though I kicked him out the door?

YES you are so right as before I was always part of the group and this morning I did have many questions... music.. who was there... good stories told..
Very true!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Omigosh your pregnant!!!!!!!! I need a drink, and a cigarette. (darn it, I don't drink)

Congrats Krs, wish you well, but let hubby do what ever he thinks it takes to deal with his pregnant female. Yes WE are pregnant, but its your body the baby is in, and from experience, Your emotions and mood changes and swings may drive him crazy (comes with the territory ) so give him some freedom to be a guy.

THANKS TAL..
Very exciting times...

But at this moment I'm passing through mood changes etc...
Then I feel guilty for being moody with him...

I will give him freedom to be a guy..

I have to accept the joys of being a women hehe

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krs

but at this moment im passing through mood changes etc...
then i feel guilty for being moody with him...

I was moody through all of my pregnancies... it wasn't until I delivered that the moodiness was over. But just remember, this too shall pass.

Thank you