Ask Me Help Desk - A very confused soul..

Hi, I'll try& make this as brief & straight to the point as possible... im in a 3 year relationship w/a man I love very,very much! BUT,. >>there's a lot of things that haven't been right from the word "GO"... in the very 1st few weeks of our relationship he & I weren't really "committed" @ this time, but it still hurt, he had lost his job of 7 years due to a lot of things(thats a whole other story, so I won't go there.. ) & he had to find a completely different line of work to do, due to he got his liqour license taken away for good! So he went to work w/a friend of his doing p/t construction. He also lost his house that he was buying & lost his harley, GMC Truck, etc... so he became homeless so to speak? I offered for him to come & stay/live w/me & kind of was like back & forth between my house & his new bosses house.. so I thought? He would call me up & say that he was too tired to drive to my house & was going to stay @ bobs, & I would say, oh OK.well, come to find out the reason he was staying over there was bobs niece April, he was having sex w/her & trying to keep it from me.. even though we were'nt "comitted" yet then, why did he lie to me then? This is just the tip of the iceberg!>>!! I found out about all that & he knew I knew & felt bad! He then kind of like turned it (us) all around & started being w/me all the time. We then finally had our "committment. so we then after a few weeks had past decided to get our own place due to we had room mates @ that time & wanted to be alone. so we moved way out to a cute lil cabin out on summit lake( booneys!!) we got along great for a while, that is until one night we got into a huge fight & i ended up kicking him out due to how angry i was! but not even 24 hours had past & he ended up over @ his ex girlfriend of 7 years house & spent the night! i mean our sheets weren't even cold yet.."OUCH"! I called over there & she lied & lied about him not being there, & the whole time she was saying to me over the phone, oh you dont have anything to worry about, he would never ever cheat on you, & he was sitting there right by her side!!! OH STUPID ME! I cried & cried for days on end!b He finally came back after about 4 days( i need to mention that the 4 days he was gone over there it was x-mas eve & x-mas day & i spent it by myself in front of a beautiful xmas tree i had made for us to share!").. >>"OUCH"! BUT ANY HOW HE CAME BACK & OF COURSE I TOOK HIM BACK DUE TO HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM! I was still clueless to where he was all that time still? He lied & said he spent 1 night in a parking lot at his work & here & there on the other nights... (whatever!") but oh stupid me! i finally found out the truth thanks to one of his friends...lol...(what a friend!)...but ever since then i've had extreme trust issues w/him & still do to this day. its easier said then done to just leave someone you love, my god! sooooo hard to! & now im fearing that he's calling/seeing "CALL-GIRLS"& I think he does it during the day 7 TELLS HIS BOSS SOMETHING LIKE HE'S GOT EITHER COURT OR HE NEEDS TO SEE HIS CORRECTIONAL OFFICER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT? BUT I can't PROVE IT? i mean everything just adds up to this & makes all the sense in he world! but he denies it of course & im at a total loss here on what i should do? please help me? he is good to me & loves me, but i get no sex? it must mean something? please, help?,.....signed...Confused as hell! i also need to mention that he has his master degree in psychology too & is a master of manipulation. & what i meant by saying "he's good to me", he really is, & as far as I know he hasn't cheated on me since dec. 2004... but I sense he may have by my gutt feeling(s) I have constantly! I just can not prove anything? I mean I've tried, I borrowed a gps track stick, a digital voice recorder, I've shown up unexpectedly @ his work, looked through his wallt & things,I've been as snoopy as can be & nothing thus far... so?. I know, I know, that's wrong to do too, but look who started the distrust issue(s) here in the 1st place..?. :)... to me? If he is doing all this behind my back? Would be beyond Evil & w/out forgiveness... & Would in a way seem like a control issue maybe?

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Originally Posted by kimbers

he is good to me & loves me, but i get no sex? it must mean something? please, help?,.....signed...Confused as hell!

He is good to you?? I must be missing something here, don't get me wrong, I don't know him or your relationship but he has lied and cheated on you, that's not good.. How can you love someone who treats you like that? I don't think I am an expert at these things by any stretch and I am sure someone else will step in with some good avice but it seems to me like he is using you in a big way. I'm sorry if that hurts though..

Actions speak louder than words. He can deny things all he wants but what he does won't lie. The fact that you need to snoop suggests that your trust issues (which appear to be legitimate) are compounded by communication issues. Either start communicating wholeheartedly or call it off for good ; those are your only options here.

With all this garbage and drama and you feel he is good to you?? You kicked him out and he goes to his ex and lies? He has cheated and you love him so much that you get a place of your own and take him back? Do you see how this sounds? He uses you and you let him. No wonder your miserable because he treats you really well. Either you have a drug problem or you're a glutton for punishment. This relationship is not healthy, and is cerytainly not love. Sorry, all that writing and I found nothing good about it.Get him out of your life and don't look back. You can mess up your life without his help so GET OUT of this... disaster.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

With all this garbage and drama and you feel he is good to you??? You kicked him out and he goes to his ex and lies? He has cheated and you love him so much that you get a place of your own and take him back? Do you see how this sounds? He uses you and you let him. No wonder your miserable because he treats you really well. Either you have a drug problem or your a glutton for punishment. This relationship is not healthy, and is cerytainly not love. Sorry, all that writing and I found nothing good about it.Get him out of your life and don't look back. You can mess up your life without his help so GET OUT of this............disaster.

Easier said then done... but thanks 4 your imput :)... have a great day... kimberlyn~:o

Well I didn't read all that because that is very hard to read. But I stopped after you mentioned help slept with Bob's niece, April. That is all I needed to tell you that he's no good for you.

Totally off topic but you mentioned he lost his liquor license so I assume he owned a bar. As someone who has managed bars and restauarants from 17 years old I can tell you that in order to have that revoked you either have a lot of small violations that add up (such as knowing serving minors, which you either get fined or some restrictions) or one huge violation (such as tax evasion). My point is he's not very trustworthy or resposible.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Well I didn't read all that because that is very hard to read. But I stopped after you mentioned help slept with Bob's neice, April. That is all I needed to tell you that he's no good for you.

Totally off topic but you mentioned he lost his liquor lisence so I assume he owned a bar. As someone who has managed bars and restauarants from 17 years old I can tell you that in order to have that revoked you either have a lot of small violations that add up (such as knowing serving minors, which you either get fined or some restrictions) or one huge violation (such as tax evasion). My point is he's not very trustworthy or resposible.

I've been a bartender for 20 years now. He was a bartender too for over 22 years. No not an owner. A sting operation by the liqour board,he passed everything they did that night, that is until they smelled alcohol on his breath, he said it was from lunch earlier that day.. who knows.. but that's what cost him his serving(liqour)permit. Thank you 4 your feedback... take~care... Kimberlyn~

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimbers

I've been a bartender for 20 years now. he was a bartender too for over 22 years. no not an owner. a sting operation by the liqour board,he passed everything they did that night, that is until they smelled alcohol on his breath, he said it was from lunch earlier that day..? who knows...? but thats what cost him his serving(liqour)permit. thank you 4 your feedback...take~care...Kimberlyn~

But there you have it. He's not very responsible. Drinking on or before he was going to work. You just can't do that. That is the number one thing we train our staff. No matter who offers to buy you a drink, if you do accept it your fired on the spot. Where I work we spent over a million dollars for our liquor license (the company spent that for the right to sell liqour in our establishment). I manage the bar and if I ever saw a bartender drink on the job, risking our license they'd be gone without hestiation. My point is they know that and they don't break that cardinal rule. Granted I don't know what state your in and each state is different but a bartender yourself, I'm sure your under similar rules and regulations. Furthermore, as a bartender you have the chance to meet all kinds of new and interesting people. Don't limit yourself to this guy. He's pulling you down.