Ask Me Help Desk - Too much or just right?

Hello,

Lay the ground work in a nutshell, it started back in March. I saw this intriguing girl on a dating site and I was immediately taken. Simple, beautiful, same values. I started my pursuit. Messages every month just to tell her I was I would be patient and would not give up until she said 'hello'. Nothing.

About 8 months later, I ran across her at her work and knew I had to say something and ask her out. After I boldy ask her out, she gives me her number to call her! I keep my wits about me and we have a great night, set up a second date in the middle of dinner! Both of us hardly ate at all, fixated on each other and sucked deep into conversation.

2nd date, impromtu lunch date while she was on her lunch break. Same as last time, we hardly ate. 3rd date, pick her up at her house. Met her dad, siblings, gave her flowers, dressed to impress. She made reservations to her favorite restaurant that she never took any of her dates. I tell her at that dinner, "I want to be with you, however long it takes I will be here for you." 1st kiss later that night, sweet, gentle, innocent, perfect. 4th date, dinner with her and her friends, held hands under the table. Next night movie at her house, talked more with dad, met more siblings, met with mom and talked, super time!

She says she misses me, I call her in the morning and she says she wishes I was next to her. Joy! I email her my deep appreciation for who she is and my thoughts about various and sundry things. Last three days, I when I call everyday just to say hello and wish her a happy morning or good evening, no answer, no call back, nothing... I text simple, "Can I call you/are you available?" texts. Nothing. :confused: She's been through a lot the last month, many friends have passed away, work has been unfullfilling, etc. We talked about her troubles and I want to take her out again, but her responses to plans I make are brushed to the side. Her texts and comments about/to me have stopped. I feel like I'm losing something I've been searching so long and hard for. I feel like I'm being given the run-about, I feel hopeless. I pray, I think, "Perhaps my problem is too much too fast?" I've stopped calling, stopped texting, stopped emailing, stopped pining, but I am still dying. I know this is a long story, but I'm in agony, miserable, I cannot sleep, my heart is sick with love. Please, help me... :(

Sometimes for no reason that anyone can explain, feelings change.. its been a short amount of time and perhaps you are right in saying things moved very fast.

It does seam like she is avoiding you,but for what reason is anyone's guess..

The only way to find out is ask her,however if she is not responding to your messages,maybe she is hoping you will lose interest..

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35

sometimes for no reason that anyone can explain, feelings change.. its been a short amount of time and perhaps you are right in saying things moved very fast.

it does seam like she is avoiding you,but for what reason is anyones guess..

the only way to find out is ask her,however if she is not responding to your messages,maybe she is hoping you will lose interest..

Not what any hopeless romantic wants to hear, but I'm realistic and I know that I cannot control what other's feel. I even told her that if she has any concerns, questions, issues with me to communicate them. I made it clear that relationships/friendships dissolve because the lack of communication between parties. That's the thing, she doesn't ask me anything! Just general "How was your day, what did you do, what are you doing?" I feel lost. She's a mystery, very reserved and quiet yet, everything in the beginning says that she wants the same things I want... *sigh*

You get vibes in the beginning that she was interested, and you were right.

Now the vibes are she is backing off,your probably right.

The one thing that is standing out to me is, the dating site, have you been on the site since you started dating,even just to check? Just innocent, could she have seen it?

Have her family or friends asked how you met,and posed the question 'is he still on the site'?
Just wondering about that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35

you get vibes in the begining that she was interested, and you were right.

now the vibes are she is backing off,your probably right.

the one thing that is standing out to me is, the dating site, have you been on the site since you started dating,even just to check? just innocent, could she have seen it?

have her family or friends asked how you met,and posed the question 'is he still on the site'?
just wondering about that.

Funny, story. I DELETED my profile once I came back from our first date! I knew in my heart that I have been holding off dating girls for this reason. When I love, I love completely and with my entire mind, body, and soul. I am not one to frequent these sites or 'good looking' women because I look for something so much more. But I was not meeting anyone and I wanted to increase my chances that somewhere in the world there was someone who was similar to me. When her friend asked how we met, I cracked a joke about her being on mail order that we chuckled about and we both said that it was a complicated story. Sadly... I know she is still on there and active...

I have nothing against dating site,I was once a serial dating site logger-onto-er!

You deleted your profile.

Hers is still active,and she is still logging on,so even though you had strong feelings for her, it seems she got caught up in the whirlwind,but when the dust settled,maybe she thought this guy is not for me.

It happens.

It does not mean you did anything wrong,only that she didn't feel the same way.

Stop calling.

Start no contact,and move on.

The thing about hopeless romantics is they never give up on love! even if one does not work out, they know there is someone out there for them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35

i have nothing against dating site,i was once a serial dating site logger-onto-er!

you deleted your profile.

hers is still active,and she is still logging on,so even though you had strong feelings for her, it seems she got caught up in the whirlwind,but when the dust settled,maybe she thought this guy is not for me.

it happens.

it does not mean you did anything wrong,only that she didnt feel the same way.

stop calling.

start no contact,and move on.

the thing about hopeless romantics is they never give up on love!,even if one does not work out, they know there is someone out there for them.

Perhaps you are correct...

... I will not give up, not until she tells me to...

Thank you for your opinion redhead35, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me a different perspective.

Buddy I know exactly how you feel, you don't want to give up because you 100% sure (in your mind) that she still likes you, and when a girl just goes "ive lost all atttraction" weird goes threw your head that you can't possible imagine.

Another thing is that we hopeless romantics always think something REALLY bad is happening... but don't give up.. because sometimes this can screw us up big time, I'm thinking based on what I've read, that she's in mourning? About things that passed away... and doesn't want to talk to anyone.

I freeked out my whole family and this girl that liked me because my grandpa died, I lost all ties to the art world and I honestly didn't want to talk to ANYONE...

Give her time, try contacting her once a week(to find out whats up), (thats what my chick tried) by the 4th week I contacted her back.

Get all the facts straight first until you make an idea on what's going on.

I drove 12 to see some girl and say hi to her for 5 min, only to get thrown in jail because I "thought" she liked me only to find out that she lost all attraction and didn't tell me.
so Get all teh facts straight first because you might do something you are going to regret.

Ps: for some reason I fail at typing the word "the"... oh snap I god it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThehopelessGuy

buddy i know exactly how you feel, you dont want to give up because you 100% sure (in your mind) that she still likes you, and when a girl just goes "ive lost all atttraction" wierd goes threw your head that you can't possible imagin.

another thing is that we hopeless romantics always think something REALLY bad is happening ... but dont give up.. because sometimes this can screw us up big time, im thinking based on what ive read, that shes in mourning? about things that passed away... and doesnt want to talk to anyone.

i freeked out my whole family and this girl that liked me because my grandpa died, i lost all ties to the art world and i honestly didnt want to talk to ANYONE...

give her time, try contacting her once a week(to find out whats up), (thats what my chick tried) by the 4th week i contacted her back.

get all teh facts straight first until you make an idea on whats going on.

I drove 12 to see some girl and say hi to her for 5 min, only to get thrown in jail because i "thought" she liked me only to find out that she lost all attraction and didnt tell me.
so Get all teh facts straight first because you might do something you are going to regret.

ps: for some reason i fail at typing hte word "the"... oh snap i god it!

Your message brought me to tears...

I want to believe with all my heart that she still has feelings for me. I will not give up. Not until she tells me to. I will be patient. I want to believe there is still some true love left in the world. God willing, it will only be a matter of time as you have expressed through your own story.

I am afraid because I leave for about two months to Hawaii for work and I do not want her to forget. This is why I have been calling and texting so much, so that she will know that I am sincere and genuine about my pursuit and feelings.

Thank you for the hope sir, I will stay the course. Thank you...

Quote:

I want to believe with all my heart that she still has feelings for me. I will not give up. Not until she tells me to.

Let us know how that works out for you. I am not a hopeless romantic, so I get another female to be interested in dating.

To me its crazy jumping over a bridge for someone who isn't even talking to you.

On to better options and opportunities.

All,

She was just going through a rough patch in her life, her tendency is not to communicate with those around her about her inner feelings. Something I am not used to, but we talked about it and things are moving forward. I'm besides myself with joy! Thanks to those who offered their opinions and advice, I appreciate the time and words to aid me.

Ooooh hOOOOOO!! And the hopeless romantic was RIGHT! HA! Take that all you people with thousands of relationship experience!!

Lol just kidding... don't shoot me! No cows are aloud in the forums XD.