To give you some background. My boyfriend says "that is it" after 1 year. This came completely out of the blue about 4 weeks ago. He says he has problems with commitment. Yet I am extremely confident that he is also scared of getting in to deep, as he has been hurt before in prior relationships (his ex. Slept with someone behind his back, another girlfriend ended up splitting with him and dating his frend). He doesn't share his emotions well, and in hindsight I think I have been slow to show my feelings (him also), which can cause uncertainties in each others minds. He says he has got himself in a mess and needs to speak with his family. He is currently taking 2 weeks off work.

Over the past 4 weeks we have had limited contact. But following the out-of-the-blue finish 4 weeks ago he sent an email the following week to explain his problems and concerns on commitment, and said that if I wanted to meet up he would be pleased to do so. We met up and had a good heart to heart. Held each others hands over a drink. He gave me big hugs.
More recently, we met each other 11 days ago before his 2 week break. I asked if he wanted to go to a football match. He agreed. We had such a lovely fun day. Then when we got to say our goodbyes, he said yep that was it and he'd go home. I felt really low, bit irrational... and he came back to my flat. He slept in the spare room, but we hugged all night. I'm getting extremely contridicting messages. His hugs have felt very deep. The last time I saw him 11 days ago, and when he left we hugged for 1 hour. The hug was very emotional I thought. To degree he was v heavy breathing... If in fact very anxious when hugging me... He was tugging my hair! There is clear irrational frustration in his eyes and he said he is sorry for causing this.

He tells me he has always felt lucky to be seeing me, and proud that I was his girlfriend, and enjoyed all the time we spent together.

You can't underestimate people's -tive thoughts and emotions, and I should respect him for that and him letting me know how he is feeling. I just miss him and wonder whether after his break at home there could be some hope to reconcile. I just thought we were perfect together. We both really enjoy spending time together.

He seems really confused about what he wants, but it sounds like there's still something there, but you might need to take it slow with him. Just keep enjoying your time together.

This could be false, but for precautionary measures, there's a chance he wants to experiement what else is out there. By asking you to break up, he is not longer committed to you so he can go out with whoever he wants, while keeping you around as the backup plan just in case it dosen't work out with others.

Don't let him lead you on like that. Talk to him about where he stands. Don't just assume that he's afraid of commitment. Find out what the real problem is. More often than not, couples break up because the feelings aren't there anymore.

Sometimes, the reason he's still lingering around is because he can't cut contact immediately. It's a gradual process sometimes.

Many thanks for your candid feedback. I do feel that at least over the past 4 weeks I have really laid my cards on the table in terms of how I feel. I have got very upset along the way, and when I have been with him also... But least he truly knows how I feel. I hadn't really opened up about my feelings for him until now - because I was scared too (I haven't been in heaps of relationships before).
In some way or another, I think he has also opened up with his emotions too. As I said, whilst he says one thing, he then is quick to contradict in terms of his touch with me. Holding my hand all night and stuff. He even said he felt that this had escalated too much.
I told him in an email that it is safe to say he has had more experiences which are a useful benchmark to set future sights on. My benchmarks are somewhat jaded so he is the one to beat! Again benchmarks are good, but sometimes reflecting on the past can make seeing the woods for the trees impossible. He responded saying that he's the one with the baggage.
He wonders whether he should have been single longer before meeting me. Yet he knew he couldn't miss the opportunity to go out with me.
I showed him a letter I got from a complete stranger when I was on the train when I was upset the day after he broke the initial news 4 weeks ago. This guy told me to smile, he didn't like seeing girls upset, especially someone as pretty as me! When he read it he said... so was he fit then? Does he have insecurities..?
We just seemed so good together. Always joking and giggling. Never argued. No pressure. The day he dropped the news he'd done caring things that a boyfriend does.
He even took a sicky from work after a Sunday when we caught up, and he said he was in a mess. So not like him...
He briefly told his friends, who have said he is a jerk!
But as I said you can't underestimate peoples feelings and -tive emotions. Perhaps I should wake up and smell the coffee and there is someone else - but I just can't put my finger on it.. But I wouldn't have thought he'd be acting like this if there was. But who knows!
You can see I am over analysing!
Thanks for your advice.

I don't think you're the only one over analysing!

Although I don't know how much anyone can read into a hug.

The fact is,your not together,and if he had thought things were great,he would still be around,trying to sort out his problems with you by his side.no?

He wants to sort out his own problems on his own,but needs you to hold his hand in the mean time.

He's emotionally all over the shop,and needy for a friendly shoulder... thats where you come in.

Are you willing to be his wet nurse while he goes through his issues?

Its one thing to lend support within a relationship,its quite another to be someone's tissue... tissues are so handy,don't you think so?

Give him lots of space.

Unless he is offering love and support to you within the confines of a relationship,in essence he is just using you, as a soft landing for his troubles.

Leave him too it, let him get over whatever is blocking him.

An ex girlfreind broke his heart,and because of what she did,she's breaking your now as well.

Its not your fault,or problem now.. its his.

There's no sense dragging things out the way they are, because you will only be setting yourself up for disappointment. His contradictions is only going to make you more confused and, like you said, over-analyze all the details. Now that he knows how you feel, leave him alone so that he can decide if he wants the same thing as you. It's better for him to come up with a definite answer before looking for you.

Just focus on yourself and do your own thing. He already knows how you feel, now leave him alone. If he wants to work things out, he will find you. We can't predict the future, but don't count on it, because you will be setting yourself up for a heartbreak.

You can't force him to do anything. He has to come to you naturally.

Thanks to you both.
Boy this feeling is horrible. But you are right - I need to think about myself. He clearly is. Lets see if he gets in touch!

Lets see if he gets in touch!

Don't count on it and wait for him.Just keep leading your life,find happiness and peace on your own.If he/anybody else wants to join you and share your happiness/sorrow,then you decide what you want to do about it at that time.Till such a time comes,just get on with your core job,i.e leading your life happily.

His hugs, and affection, may make you feel good, but are no indication of his true feelings, and its obvious he doesn't want an official relationship with you, just fun sometimes.

You both need to leave each other alone, as on partner with on foot in, and one foot out of a relationship, is a confusing disaster.

Stop forcing him to think, and leave the guy alone, and don't allow him around you whatsoever, in any shape or form, so hugs and hand holding can't influence you.

You want a willing partner, not one you have to beg, or coerce.

So you think there is no chance then?

Nobody can tell you that-you should get on with your life regardless. Don't wait in limbo for someone else to make up their minds.

I'm just having a bad day today. It's as if everyone on the outside seems there is no hope. I am realistic, but also recognise the intimate closeness we had - and just can't get my head round it. He should be back from his two week break today and back in work tomorrow. I sooo want to get in touch. I have had 2 weeks of NC - which I am proud about. But still finding difficult just because of the cloudiness of everything... Just so heart wrenching and tough to get head round. I sooo hope he has spoken with his family had some out time and seen sense on what a great couple we are / could be. Cos that is what we where!

If you have gone 2 weeks of no contact and you feel good about it, that is good. Once you do contact him, he will say you are not giving him enough time or some other lame excuse. Once you break NC, u will feel terrible. Just be happy you have been able to do 2 weeks. That is a great step.

When he feels like contacting you, he will. Just relax and try to think about other things. Try meeting new people so that you don't feel that he is the only one out there, because you will feel that sometimes. Keep no contact. After being together for a while, now he is able to not be with you for 2 weeks? Do you even want to be with someone who can do that? This will continue happening... believe me. So be strong and be cool.