My partner and I have been together since 2004 when were both 18. We are now 24, and 2kids later, things haven't progressed at all.
When I first fell pregnant, I expected my man to get off his bum and find a job, I didn't care what he did just as long as he could support me and the new baby.
Well that baby is now four years old, and my man still hasn't had a job. At all. I told him that I was offered a job recently, his reply? "Why do u wanna work? So you can screw all the guys at work?" Pathetic? Yes. So what the heck is the solution?

Im forever on his case about helping me around the home etc etc. 2 toddler boys tearing through the house everyday is a mission- ask any parent. But when I have to pay the bills using the pittiful amounts of money I have ($200 p/w) plus running around after the boys, cleaning the house, cooking meals, doing dishes etc etc really takes its toll on me. I become grumpy, easily frustrated and angry (at my man). He lounges around, smokes his dope, pretty much watching me do EVERYTHING. He sulks when I ask him to help out, he sulks when I ask him for money to help cover some expenses, he sulks when I ask him to bathe the boys, he packs tantrums when I want to go and see a friend, but then its all right if he can take off for hours on end with his cronies? That is not on!

I wouldn't mind being the perfect little housewife if my man went to work everyday like any normal family man. But the truth is, its like he's another child of mine ! We fight more than we make love, he smokes more dope than Bob Marley & its driving me insane!

What the heck can I do to resolve this really irritating issue? All I ever wanted was a stable home for my children, where parents work together as a team without resulting into a huge fight. I really love this guy, but I'm slowly beginning to think I might as well do it on my own- at least I know it would get done, and properly done.

Thanks 4 reading my raving rants lol.

And whatever made you think he would change, is he not exactly what he was when you meet ?

You date people with the qualities that make good husbands if you want a good husband.

So where does his money to buy dope and to "give you some" come from if he does not work.

And why do you love him, what does he do worth keeping.

Personally leave him, and I he wants to start working at a relationship, you can start dating again perhaps

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

So where does his money to buy dope and to "give you some" come from if he does not work. ?

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He collects a benefit which ends up being around $320 p/w

Look guys, I have a strong sense of faith and hope. Its just sad that I have been waiting for so long.

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Originally Posted by NZG1RL

look guys, i have a strong sense of faith and hope. its just sad that i have been waiting for so long.

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And you'll be waiting forever if you don't do something about it unfortunately.

Talk to your man and tell him that things need to change or he can pack his things and leave if he isn't going to contribute. He's continuing this behaviour because you allow it and have done so since Day 1.

Time to get serious and either do something about it , or leave it as is and put up with it , your choice.

Let him smoke his dope while you make that perfect household by yourself. Your by yourself now, aren't you?

You need to act in the best interest of your children. The "best interest" doesn't include "false hope". You children are growing up and they can't afford to wait or hope for a healthy relationship between their parents.

He either provides what you need now or he's shown the door. This isn't fair to your children at all.

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Originally Posted by NZG1RL

look guys, i have a strong sense of faith and hope. its just sad that i have been waiting for so long.

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A strong sense of faith and hope will not get you anywhere in life. You need a strong sense of strength and action to put you further ahead than where you are right now.

If your oldest is 4, and your boyfriend hasn't changed, what makes you think he will change now?

I just don't know how I can go through with it ? I'm quite close to my in laws, and being a close-knit bunch, my boys have a real good bond with them. It wouldn't be the same w/ them any more- no random visits, cuppa tea's etc... I'm so confused man this really sux. Maybe ( I think) the reason I'm with him is to save all the drama (court, orders etc) n although I'll always deeply love him, I see my future looking bright, f this dudes slow he's left behind.

He sounds like a child and you've been supporting him. Why should he change or take any action? You've been doing everything for him. He needs to get his act together and while you keep doing things for him and living in the romantic dram of how things could be nothing will happen.

It's time for tough love.

So stop. Pack his bags and put them by the door. Tell him that he doesn't contribute anything so it doesn't matter if he's not there. (How does he pay for the dope? Or does he grow it?) Tell his parents that you're sending him home to grow up. Tell him (and them) that he can come back when he's cleaned up his act, can support his children and when he has a job. You don't need to stop seeing your in-laws, but I think you need to be honest with them about their son.

Shove him out the door and shock him into some awareness. He needs a wake up call. A loud one.