I need advice on how to deal with our pushy neighbor. I basically like him and adore his wife but would like ideas on how to deal with his behavior better. Our neighbor is the type that started asking for favors at the start before he ever lived here while building his house across the street. He would ask us to keep an eye on his property, ask to use our electric, ask to use our water, and since we like dogs, asked us to watch his dog during vacations after he moves into his home. Although highly intelligent, his know-it-all superior attitude can really wear on your nerves. He is an ex military colonial and does not take “no” very easily. I realized in the very beginning I would need to limit what my husband and I were willing to do for this man. My husband and I are the types that like to do our own work and not bother other people. We all live on over an acre and a half of property; there is always a lot to do. My husband is a country club, Clubhouse Manager and works 65-hour workweeks during the season, last season he was hospitalized twice for irregular heartbeat. I have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. Despite this, during the off-season we do home improvements, this summer our project was fencing our land and building columns on each side of our driveway. Our annoying neighbor would continuously do these walk by comments on how we were or were not doing things correctly. On one occasion, my husband accepted the use of his tiny one-inch level that attaches to string and is used to help create a level straight fence. So now, my neighbor has asked my husband to help build a very large shed in his back yard. My husband is a very nice man and offered to help when he could. One weekend after picking up the finishing supplies for our fence we stopped at his house and helped put up the four walls to his shed. When we started to leave to finish our project, the man had a fit and actually through it in our face that our fence was straight because of him and said in know uncertain terms that my husband “owed” him labor. I just about had a fit and told him I did not care about his walk by advice and he never once offered to do any labor at our house. I now feel bad because I really like his sweet wife and don’t want to destroy the friendship. How should I handle this situation?

Wow, I'm having a similar problem with my neighbor. I thought my neighbor was a crankey self centered ***. All I would know to do is just ignore him. It sounds to me like you and your husband have enough to worry about. The next time he tries to get you to do something you don't want to do just say no. Eventually you will break his thick skull and he will leave you alone.

Oh, he may not be able to take no for an answer. Just don't give him a yes.

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Originally Posted by jterriri

I need advice on how to deal with our pushy neighbor. I basically like him and adore his wife but would like ideas on how to deal with his behavior better. Our neighbor is the type that started asking for favors at the start before he ever lived here while building his house across the street. He would ask us to keep an eye on his property, ask to use our electric, ask to use our water, and since we like dogs, asked us to watch his dog during vacations after he moves into his home. Although highly intelligent, his know-it-all superior attitude can really wear on your nerves. He is an ex military colonial and does not take “no” very easily. I realized in the very beginning I would need to limit what my husband and I were willing to do for this man. My husband and I are the types that like to do our own work and not bother other people. We all live on over an acre and a half of property; there is always a lot to do. My husband is a country club, Clubhouse Manager and works 65-hour workweeks during the season, last season he was hospitalized twice for irregular heartbeat. I have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. Despite this, during the off-season we do home improvements, this summer our project was fencing our land and building columns on each side of our driveway. Our annoying neighbor would continuously do these walk by comments on how we were or were not doing things correctly. On one occasion, my husband accepted the use of his tiny one-inch level that attaches to string and is used to help create a level straight fence. So now, my neighbor has asked my husband to help build a very large shed in his back yard. My husband is a very nice man and offered to help when he could. One weekend after picking up the finishing supplies for our fence we stopped at his house and helped put up the four walls to his shed. When we started to leave to finish our project, the man had a fit and actually through it in our face that our fence was straight because of him and said in know uncertain terms that my husband “owed” him labor. I just about had a fit and told him I did not care about his walk by advice and he never once offered to do any labor at our house. I now feel bad because I really like his sweet wife and don’t want to destroy the friendship. How should I handle this situation?

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I'm sorry to say this but you have a user as a neighbor. There will never be a better time to say no to him than now. This type of person relies on others and uses guilt to prompt you into action. This is unacceptable behaviour! Unfortunately for you, in order to have a relationship with his wife you then have to involve him no matter what. So there is only one answer here and that is stop talking to him, don't answer the door to him, don't look his way when you are out and about.This type of person live for nice friendly people such as yourself. You can not shame this person or make them realize the error or their ways because this is an inbred behaviour that has gotten this person through life and nothing or no body can change that. Therefore you have to change either your dealings with him or your location - you decide!

Thanks for the great advice! You are not going to believe this but the pushy neighbors large unfinished shed is still sitting there. His own grown children that live near by only came around twice to help him. According to one, they where all used as slaves when they were children. He has kept up with his annoying walk-by advice and has taken to presenting these situations to his wife as us seeking advice and him saving the day. I think she may be starting to believe him by the testing sort of way she brings up the topic to me. I am 100% sure he is building up to getting my husband to be his slave for the few months in the summer that we have time to work on our own house. I have already somewhat broached the subject with him mentioning that that there just doesn’t seem to be enough time and energy to get all our house and property work done. However, after reading your advice I know that that will not do. I will wait until his wife is there as a witness and tell him not to ask my husband to build his shed as it will permanently destroy the friendship between ALL of us if I do not get my projects done first. One good thing has happened lately though; he has stopped with his assumption that I will paint a large mural of a window on the side of his shed. He is realizing I am not the pushover my husband is. Thanks again for the advice.

I would ignore his criticism and advice because he'll probably never change. Try to keep a sense of humor about it between the two of you.

Don't ask him for any favors or to borrow anything, under any circumstances. And, say no if he asks moving forward. No explanation is necessary but you can make up something really benign to soften it if you feel it would be easier to say. Just don't sugar coat it because he sounds like he has a hard enough time getting the point when it's crystal clear.

Something like, "We were just talking about all we've got on our plate, and we promised ourselves we were going to start sayin no. I hope you'll understand. Our health is not what it used to be." If he criticizes you because he helped you in the past, just tell him, "I'm sorry you feel that way. We've tried to help you when we could, but like I say, our health isn't what it used to be, so we've had to put an end to that sort of thing".

If he asks again after that, I'd just be blunt, "you know Dave, I'm in a rough spot because we really enjoy you and Linda, but I'd really rather you didn't ask favors because we just aren't going to be able to say "yes" any more. I hope this won't come between us."

I am going through that in a very small way.

My neighbor starting asking for rides here and there and we were not even friends!

I got tired of her thinking I was a taxi service. Now I have her cell and text on the "no ring" alert so that if she tries to communicate with me, I don't know she's calling. Before I did that , I would break down and give in to her requests.

I realize this is passive aggressive but it works for me.

We have a neighbor who we didn't know well up until the time we heard his wife died a year ago. My husband and I have been very accommodating to him, helping him with chores, taking him out to eat, watching his dog when he goes away on weekends and letting him come in every time he rings our doorbell (which is very frequently.) At first, I felt sorry for him because he was newly widowed and I wanted to try to make him feel better. Now it seems, the more we do for him, the more he expects from us. The last time he asked us to watch his dog, I said "no" and he wouldn't take no for an answer! He has no respect for women, calling them "broads" and he is racist as well, using the N word in our house. The last time he did this, I had to throw him out I got so mad. Then he comes over the next day as if nothing had happened.

What can I possibly do to get this man to stop harassing and using us? I'm fed up.

[QUOTE=jterriri;194329]I need advice on how to deal with our pushy neighbor. I basically like him and adore his wife but would like ideas on how to deal with his behavior better. Our neighbor is the type that started asking for favors at the start before he ever lived here while building his house across the street. He would ask us to keep an eye on his property, ask to use our electric, ask to use our water, and since we like dogs, asked us to watch his dog during vacations after he moves into his home. Although highly intelligent, his know-it-all superior attitude can really wear on your nerves. He is an ex military colonial and does not take

This man sounds like a selfish narcissist. He only cares about himself and will always be that way. The further you distance yourself from him, the better. Basically, I would ignore him as much as possible. Don't give him anything to feed into. Narcissists love to get people rattled.