I am a 34 yr. old woman. I am on my 2nd marriage. I've been married for 5 yrs. Together for 7yrs. My 1st husband was physically abusive, my husband now is a cheater, manipulator, controlling and physically and mentally abusive. He has everyone around him fooled. Everyone thinks he is a great guy, but once he comes in the house and closes the door another personality takes over. When I met him he knew of my abusive husband. I had 3 children which he wanted to take care of, he had a college education and a great job. He offered me the world. At 1st I thought it was too good to be true and now I know it was. We have 2 children together now. So it has been hard for me to leave w/ 5 kids. I have had the same job for 7 yrs. He has changed jobs 5 times since we've been together with several months off in between each job. He spends money like crazy on things we don't need. He throws up to me about how he has taken on and adopted my 3 children. I just found out he black mailed my best friend into having an affair with him amongst all the other affairs he has had that I have forgiven him for, but I have stayed because I thought he was a good father to our 2 children together until the other night. We were arguing and he tried to suffocate me with his hand. I struggled and screamed, our 2 daughters woke up, I thought he would stop when they saw him, he didn't. Finally I was able to get free, my daughters were crying. He pulled my hair and shoved me in the closet, all in front of my girls. I knew then, he was no longer a good father. His mother also lives with us and my daughter told her what happened and she told her to stop lying. He always gets his mother involved in our arguments and of course she takes his side and they gang up on me and they constantly yell at my 3 kids from my 1st marriage. I feel like I am living in hell. I am tired of forgiving. He is a police officer and has connections. I have taken pictures of my face because from the struggle, I have a black eye, swollen nose and scratches. I just don't know what to do next. I can't let him know what I am doing until the last possible minute because he may kill me. He reminds me so much of Scott Peterson, on the outside everything looks so good, but on the inside it's not. I just can't live like this anymore.

Well, when he leaves to go somewhere, pack and leave, my mom did that when we left our abusive dad, his name was Dan Rice, but he was at work, do that when he is at work, it better, because he is gone for at least 8 hours, enough time. And good luck

Do you have family someplace that can help you or you can stay with? Is their a safe house where you live?

All of my family is in Florida. I have one friend here and my boss and his wife are very supportive, but I really don't have anywhere to go.

I would love to leave while he is at work, but his mother is here and would call him, plus I really have no where to go

Oh bless your heart... been through everything you're going through except I just wasn't married to them so my heart pours out to you. If you are really and I do mean really sick and tired of being sick and tired you are going to find away to get out... I would suggest saving up if you have too, tell your mother in law you're taking the kids to the park the movies where ever... or if they are at school just act like you are going to the store... however you do it... just up and do it... when I left town all I had with me were my kids and a few clothes... start stashing some items at work if need be... just pick up and do it... while he is at work... pick up your kids from school and hit the highway...

Is your family supportive? If so run to them... I myself had to leave town where my family was. But there are a lot of agencys who will help you but you have to help yourself first... and if you do go to a shelter for battered women do it in another city state or town...

Please what ever you decide please please please save yourself and your kids.

Thank you so much. I have gotten a lot of info online today. My family is very supportive and my boss is very supportive, so if I have to leave town for a while it will be okay. I guess I just have to make sure it is the right time and I have to make sure I have all my ducks in a row. It is so good to know that there are people out there that truly care. Thank You...

Yes, you have gotten some good advice, and I say Amen to it. As you well know, this is not something to be half-hearted, half-prepared, or half-serious about. It is deadly serious, so plan your moves carefully and take as long as it takes to get your ducks in a row. When the time is right, run fast and far and don't look back or indulge in doubts or second thoughts. As soon as you and the children are in a safe place, get professional counselling to help with the healing process. If this is your second abusive relationship, you need to understand where your weak points are that have allowed such men to come into your life, and learn to get strong so that it doesn't happen again. If you don't undertake this work, it is very likely that it will happen again. Life is too short for head banging. I wish you all success in what is a dangerous but critically important journey. Courage, friend!

Ordinaryguy, Thank You so much...

I had a friend in an abusive relationship. Her family was 2 days away. She put money back and was packing things she and her 2 boys needed and hiding them under the bed. One morning she sent the boys to school, grabbed the bags, went to school picked up the boys and left. Told the school they had a dentist appt. You could slowly take some things to your work and pick them up. She was so scared she slept an hour a couple of times on her way to her parents. When I met her she had married a very nice man and was living a good happy life. Good luck. No one deserves to live like that.

Whatever it takes even if the police have to be called for safe escort. I like what the others have said about planning to leave while he's at work and have seen this done successfully a few times. When the husband got home in one instance the house was empty of everything and the kitchen sink. Let him have the sink.

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Originally Posted by debbie1972

I am a 34 yr. old woman. I am on my 2nd marriage. I've been married for 5 yrs. together for 7yrs. My 1st husband was physically abusive, my husband now is a cheater, manipulator, controlling and physically and mentally abusive. He has everyone around him fooled. Everyone thinks he is a great guy, but once he comes in the house and closes the door another personality takes over. When I met him he knew of my abusive husband. I had 3 children which he wanted to take care of, he had a college education and a great job. He offered me the world. At 1st I thought it was too good 2 be true and now I know it was. We have 2 children together now. So it has been hard for me to leave w/ 5 kids. I have had the same job for 7 yrs. He has changed jobs 5 times since we've been together with several months off in between each job. He spends money like crazy on things we don't need. He throws up to me about how he has taken on and adopted my 3 children. I just found out he black mailed my best friend into having an affair with him amongst all the other affairs he has had that I have forgiven him for, but I have stayed b/c I thought he was a good father to our 2 children together until the other night. We were arguing and he tried to suffocate me with his hand. I struggled and screamed, our 2 daughters woke up, i thought he would stop when they saw him, he didn't. Finally I was able to get free, my daughters were crying. He pulled my hair and shoved me in the closet, all in front of my girls. I knew then, he was no longer a good father. His mother also lives with us and my daughter told her what happened and she told her to stop lying. He always gets his mother involved in our arguments and of course she takes his side and they gang up on me and they constantly yell at my 3 kids from my 1st marriage. I feel like I am living in hell. I am tired of forgiving. He is a police officer and has connections. I have taken pictures of my face b/c from the struggle, I have a black eye, swollen nose and scratches. I just don't know what to do next. I can't let him know what I am doing until the last possible minute b/c he may kill me. He reminds me so much of Scott Peterson, on the outside everything looks so good, but on the inside it's not. I just can't live like this anymore.

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If you do chose to leave him you need ABSOLUTELY to make a police report of the abuse. I divorced and did not report/make a police report- if I did I would have won sole custody. The police report helps you in court to prove he is unfit and has anger issues. It is a legal document. It is a big deal in court when dividing property/assests as the judge makes judgements. As far as the mother she will always defend her son. It is just the way it is.

I don't care if he is a cop or not, you have got to report his assult on you - in front of your kids - to the police!
If he's a City cop, call the State or Provincial police, or vice versa!

Do not let him use his police powers to intimidate you!!

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Originally Posted by debbie1972

I am a 34 yr. old woman. I am on my 2nd marriage. I've been married for 5 yrs. together for 7yrs. My 1st husband was physically abusive, my husband now is a cheater, manipulator, controlling and physically and mentally abusive. He has everyone around him fooled. Everyone thinks he is a great guy, but once he comes in the house and closes the door another personality takes over. When I met him he knew of my abusive husband. I had 3 children which he wanted to take care of, he had a college education and a great job. He offered me the world. At 1st I thought it was too good 2 be true and now I know it was. We have 2 children together now. So it has been hard for me to leave w/ 5 kids. I have had the same job for 7 yrs. He has changed jobs 5 times since we've been together with several months off in between each job. He spends money like crazy on things we don't need. He throws up to me about how he has taken on and adopted my 3 children. I just found out he black mailed my best friend into having an affair with him amongst all the other affairs he has had that I have forgiven him for, but I have stayed b/c I thought he was a good father to our 2 children together until the other night. We were arguing and he tried to suffocate me with his hand. I struggled and screamed, our 2 daughters woke up, i thought he would stop when they saw him, he didn't. Finally I was able to get free, my daughters were crying. He pulled my hair and shoved me in the closet, all in front of my girls. I knew then, he was no longer a good father. His mother also lives with us and my daughter told her what happened and she told her to stop lying. He always gets his mother involved in our arguments and of course she takes his side and they gang up on me and they constantly yell at my 3 kids from my 1st marriage. I feel like I am living in hell. I am tired of forgiving. He is a police officer and has connections. I have taken pictures of my face b/c from the struggle, I have a black eye, swollen nose and scratches. I just don't know what to do next. I can't let him know what I am doing until the last possible minute b/c he may kill me. He reminds me so much of Scott Peterson, on the outside everything looks so good, but on the inside it's not. I just can't live like this anymore.

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My 2nd husband is a police officer. You do need to watch out who (if it is a friend of his) comes to your house concerning the family violence report. However there is a greater risk for his friend and himself if it is not reported correctly. They do not want the public/news to get involved and he will be put on administrative leave until (with pay) this is resolved. I know it is scary, but it needs to be done. Regardless of his job title you do not deserve this. Does he have any reports written up on him at work? Him using excessive force on the job? (It proves his inability to control his anger in a high stress situation). The police report is necessary. And finding someone other than a male would be the best. You do not want him to accuse you of moving in with a man (adultery or whatever) to the judge- even though it is not true.