Ask Me Help Desk - Marriage Life

I've married for about five months and I there isn't any fire or sparks in our marriage. We both are Apostolic members. My wife is a beautiful person physically but its like I'm not attracted to her personality which is making her undesirable to me and left alone. Its something in me telling me she that maybe she not the one. What is going on... is it me, what should I do?

I've been married for about five months and still hadn't had sex with my wife at all. She still a virgin and is so scare of penetration. This is making me not to desire her and not want to even attempt sex. Plus there is no fire or friskiness in bed from her it hurting our marriage because I'm not in as much lately.

What you have posted here is most definitely not the whole story. Here is what you posted on the other thread https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...l#post2031769:

I've been married for about five months and still hadn't had sex with my wife at all. She still a virgin and is so scare of penetration. This is making me not to desire her and not want to even attemp sex. plus there is no fire or friskiness in bed from her it hurting our marriage because im not in as much lately.

What does "because I'm not in as much lately" mean?

It would appear she needs to see (minimally) a Physician, perhaps a counsellor of some sort - as do you if this lack of sex has not caused you to seek professional help AND you think her fear makes her "not the one."

How does being Apostolic enter into this?

If your wife is sexually inexperienced then it's hardly likely that she'll be frisky in the bedroom department. And if furthermore she's afraid of sex then it's even less likely. Your expectations, although understandable, are unrealistic and may be making things worse.

I will reiterate what JudyKT has said, you both need to see a doctor and a counsellor as soon as possible.

Many women have felt like this about their first sexual experiences and have gone on to have satisfying sexual relationships with their parthers. Do not be afraid to seek help. Is there someone in your religious congregation that you can speak with?

I assume that you took the vows of marriage and hold these sacred. Try to be compassionate and support your wife through this difficult time.

While personally I don't believe your post but will watch to see and make sure all posts stay consistent ( moderator)

First I see no reason religion is a issue or why you felt the need to post it ? That is one red flag to the post I see.

And why if you had no feelings for her you married her to start with

How old are you?

Does this have anything to do with your problems:

Quote:

Marriage tradition in the ACCA
Although Samuel Froelich was adamant that the church had no authority to declare who was or was not married, the Apostolic Christian Church Marriage tradition heavily involves the church.
The marriage process for members of the ACCA begins when a male member feels that God has told him to be married. He then asks God to reveal who he should marry.
When God reveals this, He goes to his Elder. After prayer and consideration, the Elder then informs the female member of the proposal. (If the woman is from another congregation, the Elder the male spoke to informs the Elder of the woman's congregation, who then tells the woman of the proposal.)The woman then gives the proposal prayer and consideration.
Neither party (Man or Woman) is allowed to receive counsel from anyone other than their elder and God.
When the woman receives an answer from God, she relays the answer to her elder, who relays it to the man. If the answer is "No", nothing more becomes of the matter and it remains a secret. If the answer is "Yes", the Man and Woman are free to tell their immediate family and close friends. However, they are to tell no one else until the marriage is announced during the regular Sunday Morning Announcements.

Apostolic Christian Church - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

Women are exhorted to portray a chaste appearance6 with long hair gathered in a modest style, without cosmetics and jewelry.

Lifestyle | Apostolic Christian Church of America

So, you want a woman who has been raised to be chaste and not show signs of sexuality to be a "frisky bed buddy"? What instruction do you think she has received about sex? No wonder she is afraid and I highly doubt you are helping.

Your both going to have to learn to be with each other and learn from each other through some honest communications and that will take time. I think if you had a clue as to what YOU were doing, then you wouldn't be expecting a virgin to please you, and meet your needs.

Better educate yourself, properly, before you can educate another.