Hello all,

Recently I went abroad to Europe to study for a short period. Within my few months of studying, I met this guy who literally, at the time, took my breath away. We had then dated for just over a month, got close and now I realise how emotionally attached we had got. The time had come for me to arrive back in England, and had to sadly end our relationship there.

I thought maybe I'd get over him quick, but to be honest we have both been trying to get over each other in various ways, he has dated two girls, which has not turned out as expected (truly he has said he misses me). It has now been 6months, we still keep in contact via through Facebook and email (its expensive to call overseas), and I have been thinking of going over to see him for a few days. However, he recently sent an email asking whether he'd like to come over to visit me at home. The only problem is, it's risky telling my parents anything regarding dating boys (its not really normal in our culture) and things are different to our I deal with my culture here than how thinsg were abroad there aka less freedom.

So how do I deal with this? Id rather him not come over, but how do I say this without hurting his feelings?

You explain to him that there are family reasons this is not a good idea.
Just as you have here,tell the truth.
I understand your dilemma completely and I am sure he will as well.

That sounds just about the right thing to do.. I also wonder whether this leaves it down to me to go over and see him, which I don't mind as it would be so great to experience them feelings once again. I have been running the questions over in my mind 'is it worth him coming down here or me going there?. friends are saying do the favor and go over, it is easier than lying to your family about who you are bringing home

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Originally Posted by ffs1

That sounds just about the right thing to do..i also wonder whether this leaves it down to me to go over and see him, which i dont mind as it wouuld be so great to experience them feelings once again. I have been running the wuestions over in my mind 'is it worth him coming down here or me going there?..friends are saying do the favour and go over, it is easier than lying to your family about who you are bringing home

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You can visit him but I also think if this relationship is going to have a future at some point your parents will need to know.
If there is no possibility for a future due to cultural issues,your friend needs to know that as well.

You need to be honest with him nor matter what. If he cared about you, he would understand your situation.

If you want this relationship to work, on top of letting your parents know one day, you need to establish a strong communication system with him.

Furthermore, is this culture clash going to prevent this relationship from getting more serious? It's worse if you get too deep in this relationship only to realize that you have to break up because of parents or culture. In that case, it's better not to see each other and cut each other out of your lives. If you keep staying in tough, it will be more difficult to get over each other.

That's very true.. Thank you all for your opinion. I think if plans go ahead for us to see each other, it will be on a friends basis rather than couples meeting. So yeah, would have to grit my teeth for that, and just hope all goes well.. Ive done some thinking, and truly believe that a relationship cannot work, so would not intend on anything else happpening when it comes to seeing each other..
I hope I'm doing the right thing!

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Originally Posted by ffs1

Thats very true..Thank you all for your opinion. I think if plans go ahead for us to see each other, it will be on a friends basis rather than couples meeting. So yeah, would have to grit my teeth for that, and just hope all goes well..Ive done some thinking, and truly beleive that a relationship cannot work, so would not intend on anything else happpening when it comes to seeing each other..
i hope im doing the right thing!

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It seems as if you are tempting fate a little bit here.
If you have feelings other than friendship it may be difficult to simply try to turn them off.
You may be setting yourself up for heartache.
I would approach this very carefully as you are not the only person who could be hurt and disappointed.

Right I see, so what would you do in my situation? He is planning on coming to London for a few days, and I am looking forward to it. It's more like friends meeting after a long period, and my feelings aren't strong anymore like it used to be..

You can't control his actions, but you can control yours. It's his choice to come to London. It's your choice whether you want to see him or not.

Decide what kind of relationship/friendship you want with him first. Let him know, then go from there. It's not fair to lead him on if you don't want the same things.

Being honest, and upfront now, will save you many problems later. Lying or deceit, only gets more lying and deceit. Why go through that?

That does make sense.. the thing is, we both are so so eager to see each other, and really can't wait to just sit and catch up on what's been happening.. that doesn't hurt right?

I am able to control my feelings, after what 6months of intense thinking and sorting myself out, he's been doing the same thing. But I will take your advice and make it clear about this friendship. After all, its not like we see each other on a regular basis..