Ask Me Help Desk - Distant relationship!is it really healthy

I am in a fix,I have this one gurlfriend,she's presently I africa wiv me from the U.S,we've being dating for a couple of months now,she's done with her work experience and she's about to go back,I'm really confused for she wants us to keep the relationship,to be honest I don't see myself coming over any time soon.wot do I do.

This might be one of those tough times, where you may just have to let go if the means aren't there to keep it going.

Do you have any means of communication, like phone, internet, when she goes back over to Africa?

Yea I do,but the fone thing isn't really going to help,being physical with your mate is what really counts,and its likely I don't see her for like a year,and your gettn the whole thing twisted,I'm the one in africa and she's the one going back to the U.S,bt I guess you already gave me a suggestion,bt you know its nt easy.

Please use proper English.

The first thing you need to decide is whether you want to continue a relationship with this girl. Once you've figured out what you want, you need to let her know. Then you find out what she wants.

Once it's all in the open, both of you can compare to see if you want the same things and go from there.

Here's a story for you: I'm currently involved with a military man-a Marine. I was friends with him for a year before we began dating. During the "building process" at the beginning of our relationship (I was 16, he was 18) he left for 3 months and we only wrote letters to each other. He came back for 10 days, and left again, this time for close to a year. We wrote letters, and talked on the phone twice a week- all the while building a close relationship, and a foundation in friendship with each other. During this time, he did come back for a week or so, and we held hands for the first time. Once he moved back into my area, I still kept almost no contact with him for 3 months. When we finally saw each other again, we had our first kiss (and my real first kiss) on my 18th birthday.

So, how did we build a relationship with each other with so little contact while being long-distance? We read the same chapter in the Bible every evening and tried to text one another "goodnight" every night, and looked forward to talking to each other. (Now you two have WAY more options than just 2 phone conversations a week- you can talk EVERYDAY) Ultimately, it came down to a saying that you probabaly already know: "ABSENCE MAKES TWO HEARTS GROW FONDER." This is SO true. The longer he was away, the more I realized that I couldn't live without him- that I missed him, and loved him, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. 4 years after we met, we're now engaged, and he is my one and only.

So, I've been in your situation, I know it's not easy, and I hope this encourages you. It's a shame that you say "being physical with your mate is what really counts." That shouldn't be true for you at all. In a relationship, your closeness should not be determined by how often you get to touch each other, or how often you have sex, or even you two being in the same area, if your love for her is strong enough, it would span the entire earth. If your relationship currently IS based on the physical, I guess I would encourage you to switch this around asap. If you don't think your love is strong enough, then let it go, and don't get into another relationship until you know that she is "the one." You need to love your significant other no matter what, if you don't, you more than likely will not get married, and therefore, will break-up. Marriage, or break-up, there's no other options. I may have some experience, but I'm only 19, so I understand if you don't want to listen to my advice, I'm still young yet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaime90

Here's a story for you: I'm currently involved with a military man-a Marine. I was friends with him for a year before we began dating. During the "building process" at the begining of our relationship (I was 16, he was 18) he left for 3 months and we only wrote letters to each other. He came back for 10 days, and left again, this time for close to a year. We wrote letters, and talked on the phone twice a week- all the while building a close relationship, and a foundation in friendship with each other. During this time, he did come back for a week or so, and we held hands for the first time. Once he moved back into my area, I still kept almost no contact with him for 3 months. When we finally saw each other again, we had our first kiss (and my real first kiss) on my 18th birthday.

So, how did we build a relationship with each other with so little contact while being long-distance? We read the same chapter in the Bible every evening and tried to text one another "goodnight" every night, and looked forward to talking to each other. (Now you two have WAY more options than just 2 phone conversations a week- you can talk EVERYDAY) Ultimately, it came down to a saying that you probabaly already know: "ABSENCE MAKES TWO HEARTS GROW FONDER." This is SO true. The longer he was away, the more I realized that I couldn't live without him- that I missed him, and loved him, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. 4 years after we met, we're now engaged, and he is my one and only.

So, I've been in your situation, I know it's not easy, and I hope this encourages you. it's a shame that you say "being physical with your mate is what really counts." That shouldn't be true for you at all. In a relationship, your closeness should not be determined by how often you get to touch each other, or how often you have sex, or even you two being in the same area, if your love for her is strong enough, it would span the entire earth. If your relationship currently IS based on the physical, I guess I would encourage you to switch this around asap. If you don't think your love is strong enough, then let it go, and don't get into another relationship until you know that she is "the one." You need to love your significant other no matter what, if you don't, you more than likely will not get married, and therefore, will break-up. Marriage, or break-up, there's no other options. I may have some experience, but I'm only 19, so I understand if you don't want to listen to my advice, i'm still young yet.

When I said physical,I really did not mean sex and all,all I meant was seeing each other,we are so close,we've neva been away fro each other in one year and now to know I can't see her after work talk to her,have dinner together,its killing,I understand everything you said,and note,I don't think you are too young for the advice,u make a whole lot of sense.thanks a lot and Godbless u.hope you hear from your one and only