Ask Me Help Desk - Long-Distance Relationship

OK so here's the deal, I met this guy online a while ago, its been a few years, but we never really talked. So about 3 months ago, we finally started to actually talk, we got to know a little about each other, and decided to if we can make it happen. I'm in AZ and he's in FL. This isn't my first long distance, (my first relationship was long distance, and it lasted more than a year) so, I know that they can work depending on the people. I can be a very mentaly strong person, but I'm also VERY logical, and I put things together. Anyway, knowing that ill get to the point. I have a web cam. And I take lots of pictures. I get online all the time to see if he's on. And if not I leave him a messefge saying hi or something. Now he works and goes to school. I know he can be busy. But the way iw as trained in life is that if you really want something then you'll go for it what ever it takes. No m atter what. Well when we first started talking he said his cam had gotten destroyed by a co-worker, that was "borrowing it"... he said he would get one with in the week. Two monthys later he is saying the saame thing. O have only seen one picture of him this whole time. And its getting fishy. Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I can get prety busy, but I also do go to the store and see cams all the time. I'm sure he's ran into them several time since. Therse cameras everywhere. And he hasn't even sent me anymore pictures. Now, I don't want to jump to conclusions, just because, when I had my first relationship, my boyfriend didn't see me for a whole 3 months, because I was only 14 and didn't have a job to get a cam. But I saved enough because I did what I had to do knowing how desperatly he wanted to see me on cam. But the whole time it was me, I wasn't some creepy old guy, anyway, he's gotten somewhat upset about the fact that I keep brnging up the cam thing. I wouldn't be bringing it up if he had it already, instead of procrastinating. I'm confused, on to think if its him or not. I know its possible it isn't, but I also know its possible he is who he says he is.

Also, I'm alwys getting online more then I used to see I he's on, an ill leave him messeges, he won't reply all the time, and sometimes he does get on line and doesn't write to me. He will stay hidden so no one sees him online. But being that I over investigate I find ways to see if he's on, and he usually is , so I can't see him online but he really will be. So my question there is... why wouldn't he want to talk to me? And why woudnt he reply to my messeges that he gets, I just find it funny, sometimes I think I'm trying to make this happen more then he is. An advice will do. Maybe I'm just over thinking things,

Sorry whoever this is he sounds like a creep! Stay away and date boys you can meet face to face.

Can I ask what age you are?

It all seems a little fishy,red flags with bells to be more precise..

I think if you can say your age,it will help posters give approiate advice.

If your first relationship was like this at fourteen, I imagine that you are not much older now.

Trying dating people that you have met and meet in your school and hometown. Online it is easy to lie about who you are and use fake pictures. As the others have said there are red flags all over the place that this person is not legit.

When people talk about long distance relationships, they are often in the relationship prior to being separated. If not, they often have the ability to met before having a 'relationship'.

Your trying so hard, and he isn't helping. Stop trying, so hard, and get away from those long distance on line things, and get some real people who like fun in your life. Then you won't have time for someone's BS!

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

Sorry whoever this is he sounds like a creep! Stay away and date boys you can meet face to face.

Well the thing is, I don't mind long distance, if the other person is willing to cooperate as well. In my opinion long distance is way better, just for the fact that you hardly see each other. Because when you do see each other every minute is worth so much. Aposed to same city relationships where in some cases most of the time people are together, some time is taken advantage of. But I'm really re-thinking this one just beacause he's not willig enough, an it takes two.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35

can i ask what age you are?

it all seems a little fishy,red flags with bells to be more precise..

i think if you can say your age,it will help posters give approiate advice.

I'm 18, 19 in jan. I know you'll all probably think "oh hes 18, he has the rest of his life to find someone" but the diffrence between me and other 18 year olds is that I don't want to waste my time doing that, that doesn't mean I always just jump into relatinships, I was single for 2 years before this guy. But I dotn want to have to finally meet someone when I'm 30 years old . Thast like 15 years missed out on to spend with someone. I don't like meeting a lot of guys for dating purposes, especially in my area, just because there mainly all whores. Sucks to say but its true. And so far, nos talked to me as nicely as this guy here ever, for some reason guys feel they must be jerks to me. And also, every question I've asked this guy , he gives me the right answer. Meaning, I have a good idea of what I'm loking for, so if someone gives me an answer to a question such as of they drink or smoke. I don't like either, and mainly everyone does, bt he doesn't, its thost kinds of questions I'm talking about. (not just that one. ), he hasn't given me one answer I haven't liked. So thast why I'm actually dealing with this, other wise I would have ended it a long time ago .

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

If your first relationship was like this at fourteen, I imagine that you are not much older now.

Trying dating people that you have met and meet in your school and hometown. Online it is easy to lie about who you are and use fake pictures. As the others have said there are red flags all over the place that this person is not legit.

When people talk about long distance relationships, they are often in the relationship prior to being seperated. If not, they often have the ability to met before having a 'relationship'.

True, but like I had said before, I just haven't ran into someone who I have as much in common with here, I've dated guys here in my city, and they don't last. Most people I have met here can't relate to me. I'm a very calm person, I like to go out and suff, but not to parties or clubs, I would rather do other things while I'm out. Like movies, or something, but most of the guys I meet here, there all about partying, clubbing, smoking, drinking, and I'm just like.. NO. I've tried it and its nothing for me. At all. So the thing that's holding me back is the fact that this guy doesn't know what I'm looking for, and he has giving me all the answers I'm looking for. Being that I haven't met another guy thast giving me so much of those answers , I don't want to hae to go another 2-5 years waiting.

It great you can relate on that level, but developing a new relationship is very hard, and as your seeing there are conflicts to resolve first. For all the answers you have, his behavior raises many more questions to be answered.

Time, distance, and availability, are not on your side, and for now, a commitment other than friendship is completely not happening. Even with face to face interactions, over time they find things that break them up, so LDR's are even harder to get the full facts about someone. I think your pushing hard, and getting nowhere, and even you have to admit he is puzzling in the way he relates to you.

Its quite simply really, you need to know more, and be convinced as to the honesty of his answers, and not be drawn only to the ones you like. You have much more homework to do with this fellow before you know enough for a legitimate future to be possible.

And just because you've dated a few locals with no good results, doesn't mean you won't be impressed in the future. Hey we all kiss a lot of frogs before we find a prince, and that can take a lot longer than a few dates, or years.

Don't be so fixated by one guy online, that you miss the obvious signals he sends. He doesn't sound that interested, or maybe your asking the wrong questions. Or worse, it looks good on paper, but has no substance.

I would certainly be asking what's up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

It great you can relate on that level, but developing a new relationship is very hard, and as your seeing their are conflicts to resolve first. For all the answers you have, his behavior raises many more questions to be answered.

Time, distance, and availability, are not on your side, and for now, a commitment other than friendship is completely not happening. Even with face to face interactions, over time they find things that break them up, so LDR's are even harder to get the full facts about someone. I think your pushing hard, and getting nowhere, and even you have to admit he is puzzling in the way he relates to you.

Its quite simply really, you need to know more, and be convinced as to the honesty of his answers, and not be drawn only to the ones you like. You have much more homework to do with this fellow before you know enough for a legitimate future to be possible.

And just because you've dated a few locals with no good results, doesn't mean you wont be impressed in the future. Hey we all kiss a lot of frogs before we find a prince, and that can take a lot longer than a few dates, or years.

Don't be so fixated by one guy online, that you miss the obvious signals he sends. He doesn't sound that interested, or maybe your asking the wrong questions. Or worse, it looks good on paper, but has no substance.

I would certainly be asking whats up.

Thanks for the advice, it makes perfect sense, I guess I'm just really glad that I finally met someone who I can relate to in certain areas, I usually ask a guy the same questions, and they usually give me more then one answer I don't agree with, and that will have a negative efect on the relationship. So its just crazy how, this one gave me all the answers I was looking for. Plus I have other things that I look for in a guy just on the side that aren't nessecities , and just so happens that he's got every one of them, I don't want to make any final judgments, just because its always possible that he IS who he says he is, and my first relationship just has a big impact on that decision being that I was who I said I was and my ex had waited 3 whole months to see me. Not even a picture, for 3 months, I don't want to make a decision and then a month or two months later, him get a cam and more pictures and its really him. I haven't dated LOTS of guys in my area but I have talked to them, I've gotten to know people and its just seems like there all the same. Although what I will do is ill most likey stop worying so much, expecting so much and getting little in return isn't working, ill will definalty see whast up and just what the heck is holding him up on the whole cam thing. And if I have to ill let him know if it doesn't happen in a week or so then it won't work. If you really want something, nothing will stop you from getting it, so, if he really want to make this happen, then hell do what he's got to do.

Sometimes something feels absolutey right,just what you were looking for all your life.Some people feel like they are THE ONE.They do all the right things,say all the right words and it feels heavenly to have that level of chemistry with somebody.

If it lasts,its just a continuation of that magic all life-long(though am pretty sure even Cinderella and her PC must have had their share of lows post the Happliy-ever-after,which they don't tell us about! You see,I have learned to believe that no relationship,no matter how perfect on the surface is exempt from issues).But if it just fizzles off,after a great start,then you just know it wasn't meant to happen.No matter how much it hurts,no matter how much you do,if it isn't happening,there's a reason behind it.

Cos if it were that great,it would have gone through hell and back with the two people in it still holding on.I had great connection with my ex but it just musnt have been that great after all.Cos, 9 months down the line,I am meeting other guys who are nice and caring,albeit in their own unique way,which does go to show that there's truth in the words "There are others out there,you just need to wait for your time".It may not seem so apparent when you are trying so hard to make it work with the person at that moment in your life,but it still is the fact.

I would let go of this one.He sounds opportunistic,like somebody who would want a relationship just as a long-distance diversion/entertainment,for whenever he's bored/without anything better to do.

[QUOTE=

I would let go of this one.He sounds opportunistic,like somebody who would want a relationship just as a long-distance diversion/entertainment,for whenever he's bored/without anything better to do.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the reply, I think that statement was exactly what I was waiting for. I'm going to have a talk with him now. If he's not willing to step it up we won't work out. And I don't want to wwaist my time