So I got into trouble for getting home a little later from school yesterday... maybe like 5 minutes later at the most. I called my dad and told him I would be home a little bit later because I had a club meeting to go to that lasted only a few minutes, he said that was fine, and that I needed to be home by 2:45.

So I started walking home directly after the meeting was over, faster than normal, so I could be home in a short amount of time. Well one of my guy friends saw me walking so he walked with me the rest of the way and I didn't realize I was walking a little bit slower while I was talking to him so that's what put me back 5 minutes. Well my dad saw that, so he was super pissed off at me, because he thought I lied and was really hanging out with him. When we got home he started yelling at me about, and I kept trying to tell him what happened and that turned into a huge argument between us, and one thing led to another, and he completely lost it, and he ended up hitting me. And he told me that having me was a mistake, I shouldn't have ever been born, and he should have made my mom get an abortion. :confused:

So yeah I know I got in trouble and I don't really care because I know I didn't do anything wrong. But my dad hit me pretty hard, and where he hit me I think it's a bruise because its purplish. Hes never done anything like this before, or said anything like that, so I'm not sure what his problem is. But now I feel guilty about it. Do you guys think he really meant what he said? Or did he just say it out of anger? Should I just ignore him for a while, or apologize and see what he says? Any advice would be good too, really need it.

Btw: I'm not currently living with my mom, they're divorced. Both me and my sister live with our dad. She's 10 I'm 14

It doesn't matter what his reasons are for hitting you. He hit you, and that is against the law, it is not acceptable under any circumstances.

For him to explode like that sounds to me as though he were looking for an excuse. Maybe there has been a long buildup of little things that finally resulted in him acting out of anger toward you. That is NOT an excuse, but what I'm saying is that his response to you, was not reasonable under the circumstances.

When people are extremely angry, and they do not handle their anger in appropriate ways, they say and do things that are meant to hurt the most. Your father saying he wished you'd never been born, are probably words he is regretting now.

I don't know if he is showing any remorse for what he has done, I would suspect that, like most people, when you really screw up it's hard to apologize, however, that is the least you should expect.

If this happens again, you must speak to a school counsellor and have qualified adults do what they need to do to intervene on your behalf.

AFternoon, agree with everything Jake states. Hitting is never an answer.

It does sound like your dad can't handle his emotions, either something has him worried, or he has a problem causing it.

If you do feel concerned about yours, sisters, and even your fathers welfare there are loads of avenues available to you to discuss, and gain assistance.

Is this really the first time anything like this has happened? I find it hard to believe that your father would suddenly behave in such a manner that you claim is so out of character for him. Either way, it sounds like you need to get away from him, at least for a temporary hiatus. Can you stay with your mother for a while? If not, then some other responsible, trustworthy adult, perhaps an aunt or uncle or something. You should tell that adult what happened and try to convince him/her to calmly explain the situation to your father. Perhaps (s)he can make your father realize that his behavior was unacceptable and you can eventually be reconciled to your father. If not, then you'll have to make a more permanent alternate living situation.

Hi, Madelynn 4 life!

I'm not going to add to what's already been said in the fine answers above.

I would just like ask though, what sort of other issues has your dad had in the past that could be construed to be negative and why are your parents divorced, please?

Thanks !

Yes seems like there has to be more to this story, I can't see it going that far just for this, if there is not a history of this happening.

Have you lied to him a lot in the past, or least he things you did.
Is there drinking or drug issues for your dad, is he having other emotional stress.

Now what do you mean by hitting you, a fist to the face, a wak on the arm a hard swat to the rear. I want more info before I judge,

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

Is this really the first time anything like this has happened? I find it hard to believe that your father would suddenly behave in such a manner that you claim is so out of character for him. Either way, it sounds like you need to get away from him, at least for a temporary hiatus. Can you stay with your mother for a while? If not, then some other responsible, trustworthy adult, perhaps an aunt or uncle or something. You should tell that adult what happened and try to convince him/her to calmly explain the situation to your father. Perhaps (s)he can make your father realize that his behavior was unacceptable and you can eventually be reconciled to your father. If not, then you'll have to make a more permanent alternate living situation.

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Well I'm definitely not making it up, if that's what you're asking. And yes this really is the first time, I have no reason to lie about it... and I'm pretty sure I would know if it wasn't. No I can't stay with my mom, she lives in a different state. I don't really want to stay with her anyway. Well I really didn't want to tell anyone else, I was just asking if he meant what he said. But now I'm more comfortable with thinking he just said it out of anger. I just want him to apologize, but I still don't understand why I'm the one feeling guilty.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, Madelynn 4 life!

I'm not going to add to what's already been said in the fine answers above.

I would just like ask though, what sort of other issues has your dad had in the past that could be construed to be negative and why are your parents divorced, please?

Thanks !

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I have know idea if anything negative has happened in his past. And if something bad did happen then he's never told me about it.

Well I'm going to try to make this short. My mom was wasted one day almost 5 years ago now, and she was supposed to pick me and my sister up from school, and she didn't have anyone else to pick us up, and my dad was away on a business trip, so she decided to do it herself. And lets just say it ended badly, and it left her in the hospital. My sister and I were just scratched up a bit, nothing major. And then they figured out my mom was drunk, and she was also hurt pretty badly so she couldn't take care of us anyway, but they sent us to stay with our grandmother, until my dad got back, maybe a day later. He was really mad, and he divorced my mom almost immediately I think, and when he moved out of state we had to move with him, and he got full custody of us. My mom spent a few months in jail or prison, not sure. But when she was let out, she still couldn't get custody of us, which is why we live with our dad still. But I don't really like my mom much anyway, so I'm fine with it. I still love her though, she can just be annoying at times. We see her 3 or 4 times a year, and we talk to her over the phone... sometimes.

But now that I think about it, I really don't think my dad meant what he said.

When something comes at you, unexpected and unwarranted, you have to try to make sense of it. Often times irrational behaviour in particular, aimed at you personally, will leave you thinking that somehow you must be the cause of it. Maybe even guilty of feeling deserving of it.

The truth is, you have to look outside yourself, and put the hurt you feel from his behaviour, in perspective. Realize that you did not cause him to lose it, something in his own head did. You did not deserve what he did either, and how he responded to you being a bit late, was totally out of whack for the circumstances.

He acted the way he did, not because of you, or who you are, or what you did, he acted the way he did because he chose not to control his anger, and you just happened to be handy. Words and actions directed at a person without equal power to return in kind, are easy targets. Children are vunerable to abuse because they have no defense emotionally, or physically.

He was particularly hurtful in his words, saying he'd wished that you'd never been born. He's hurting over something and very angry, and he wants to vent and blow it off on somebody else instead of handling it like a mature adult, and in particular, a mature adult communicating with his daughter.

I hope, and suspect that because this was out of the ordinary for him, and you have never been abused this way by him before, he is regretting his actions.

Maybe something to consider is writing out a letter to him, expressing how his words and actions hurt you terribly, and let him know that you did not deserve his abuse. Give the hurt right back to him.

You may in time discover what it was that was really bothering him, but, be aware that under no circumstances should you not seek guidance, if it happens again.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

yes seems like there has to be more to this story, I can't see it going that far just for this, if there is not a history of this happening.

Have you lied to him alot in the past, or least he things you did.
Is there drinking or drug issues for your dad, is he having other emotional stress.

Now what do you mean by hitting you, a fist to the face, a wak on the arm a hard swat to the rear. , I want more info before I judge,

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He's never suspected me of lying before, I'm a very truthful person. But I have lied maybe 3 or 4 times, but those weere times when I was younger and I knew I would really get in trouble. But each time, I always confessed without someone having to pressure me into it. So he should know I wasn't lying.
No I don't think he drinks or does drugs... and yeah he hasn't really been himself lately, he won't even really talk to me or my sister since what happened yesterday.
Well I'm not sure if it was opened or closed fist but he did hit me pretty hard in the stomach, and it made me loose my balance and I fell. So the left side of my stomach is bruised a little. It doesn't hurt as much though

Thanks Jake2008, the letter thing really does sound like a good idea... I think I'll try writing it tomorrow. And I'm going to try to figure out why he was acting that way yesterday.

My dad has said stuff like that to me and thretant to punch me in my mouth... the most I can say that just don't give a damn... that is what I am doing and it tears me up inside but I don't let them know but everything will be OK :) by the way I am 13

I'm positive he didn't mean it. My father is well... mean... sometimes,and you just can't change it.

BTW: Your younger sister is my age! :)

This is from 2009 - long dead.

You r so right