My boyfriend of nearly 3 years took a strong interest in a new beautiful girl we met at our night out. He was drunk and with her talking and neglected me all night. After we had a fight and I confessed I was jealous because his behavior was inappropriate. He reacted surprised asking did he talked too much with her or did he stared too much. He seemed prepared for my reaction because this questions followed my immediately. Could he did it on purpose or was he really clueless as he said?

I told him I don't love him and starting to hate him for the things he did, things similar to this. I wanted a breakup and said there was no way of repairing this as I can't trust him thanks to himself. He said we could just take a break and not to worry he'll be with anyone else during it (well I don’t). He wanted to stay friends and see each other as often as we used to as being together. I agreed and hoped it will lead to the final end of our relationship. Somehow none of it happened and we're still together after all I said to him.

I've always thought jealous people tend to make their partner feel like them and that's why he used to tease me a lot how other guys make moves on me, how they looked at me and so on. He said that were just jokes and he was never jealous. But he said he was afraid to lose me and when I wanted a breakup the first thing he asked did I find someone else. Could he really not be insecure? Does this seem like he won't let me go and be with someone else? What is going on and how should I handle him?

This does not sound like a healthy relationshp at all. He's has some personal issues that he's going to have to deal with. You don't need to torture yourself by staying in this relationship.

Furthermore, you can't even trust him: No trust = no relationship

If you break up, you need to cut all contact with him. Don't respond to his attempts at contacting you, that will only add to the confusion. Distance yourself from him so that you can gain some perspective and not allow him to influence your thought process.

I don't want to be with him anymore, it's becoming too difficult and I can't understand him. I wish you could read into his behavior and tell me who is crazy here? Am I really jealous without the reason or is he enjoying making me feel insecure and lying about his intentions? I just want to know why he is like this. Or do I have problems? I can't tell being in it, it's too confusing.

I do want a distance, I asked for it but he won't let me. I know it sounds silly but I can't make him stay away from me. He always wants to be there for me, which I appreciate, but I can't accept his odd behavior. Who would stay with a girlfriend who said it was over and her feelings were changed? Please give me some insight into him. He used to joke if I dump him he would become my stalker. Is this just a weird joke or should I worry myself? I never did anything wrong in our relationship so could he just be having a guilt trip?

His behavior doesn't matter anymore. You don't need to explain why he is the way he is. The point is, you're unhappy with this relationship and you don't need to continue to suffer.

The only person keeping you in this relationship is yourself. You can't completely blame him for forcing you to stay in this relationship.

If you don't like it, tell him to leave. If he becomes abusive or a stalker, then tell him that you will go to the police station and get a restraining order. If he still doesn't believe you, then just call the police and actually get the restraining order.

I thought it was actually good to know the reasons to get some closure from someone if I can't get it from him. It will only bother me from now on. I can let go of him but I want to know what caused this. How can I learn something out of it if I don't know the reasons? It's driving me nuts. I wish, you sound like you maybe know but don't want to tell me which is making it worse.

I'm not blaming him for everything, it takes two for a relationship, but he's not making it easy by not listening to me and acting like nothing's changed.
Going to the police is just ridiculous to do to a man I've been with for 3 years. It feels like a betrayal and what a way to end something that used to be nice. He's my friend too. I'm not enjoying his attention, we're just stuck thanks to it and I can't move on, literally.

I don't know him personally, so I have no idea why he behaves the way he does. The only person who really knows the answer is him.

But I can tell you that a relationship is suppose to be happy and the two people involved naturally get along well. It doesn't sound like you're happy and your relationship doesn't seem natural at all. Your relationship seems forced.

How old are you? It sounds like this is your first (or one of your first) serious relationship. The problem with first serious relationships is that you don't see the signs on when to call it quits. From what you told us, it sounds like you dragged this relationship out. You've given him many chances and he hasn't followed through. So who's to say that he's going to follow through in the future?

You don't find closure from him. You find closure from within yourself. It almost sounds like you're just hanging on to this relationship to figure out why he behaves the way he does, and then you can finally let go. You let go when you don't think this relationship cannot work anymore. Like you said, relationships have to work both ways. It's not working one-way already, so it's a broken relationship anyway.

As for going to the police, you made it sound like he "won't let you" break up. That sounds like a very controlling forceful attitude. NO ONE CAN TELL YOU WHAT TO DO OR DON'T DO. You control your own life. So the only reason I would see that he won't let you break up is if your life was in danger. If that's not the case, then he's not controlling you, you're controlling yourself. You're the one who doesn't want to break up. You're the one forcing yourself to stay in this relationship.

Finally, if you actually plan to break up, you need to block him out of your life entirely. Staying in each other's lives is just doing to add to the confusion. If you really want to be friends one day, then you have wait until both of you have recovered from this break up. You can't force a friendship while you're in the healing process. That will just prolong the pain and suffering and it will just delay your recovery from the break up.

This is very true. He is my first serious relationship, I'm 24. In fact it's his too, though he is a bit more experienced as being older. It used to feel very natural, now it feels forced to both of us.
Yes I'm staying just to find out why it's all happening. I don't feel I can live without knowing it. I feel like a failure for not knowing a person I've been with for so long, like I've been with a stranger. I want to know him but I guess he doesn't know himself either. I feel I'm reenacting some parts of my life and want to do it right this time.

Well my life is not exactly in danger but it's complicated and I don't want to go into it but I understand why he's willing to always be around. A lot of people would in his place. It's hard for me to let him go completely because of the sense of safety I get having him around but I'm starting to feel really guilty for it and pushing him away.

So yes it looks like I'm controlling it and it is my choice. Is it wrong to keep him if he's willing to be with me until I find a person who will treat me the way I want and need or just until my life gets better in general if ever? I'm not lying to him, it's his choice to stay. This is complicated, I'm trying to make it short and simple. Where is this going?

What's going on is your fear of ending this thing, and being alone and starting over with someone else.

You could use a break to overcome your own fears, but that requires you to be honest, and letting him know you want to be left alone. Make a decision, and sticking to it, is better than second guessing yourself, and giving in to the easy way of dealing with your own issues.

His being a drunk, and behaving badly confuses you, when nobody believes a drunk. You need some time, and space, to figure this out for yourself.

I've told him loud and clear, straight and honest it was over! He's not a bad or abusive guy but I can't tell is it love and care when he says he's afraid someone else will only hurt me more, or is it control and possessiveness? Is he really joking when he says he has a secret plan to keep me and never let him go. He doesn't wants to lose me and me hearing all that has made me promised I would always be a part of his life somehow. Now this is just a very messy situation. He's initiating contact and I can't say no for all the things he's done for me (leave the nasty part out). Even when I do refuse he finds a way in.

Your inability to stick to your guns is showing. Its not him, its you, who cannot follow through with your decisions.

Let it be me then but any normal guy would respect my indecisiveness and definitely back off from the girl who's obviously not sure about him. Hasn't I wish said it was a two way street?

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Originally Posted by error_report

So yes it looks like I’m controlling it and it is my choice. Is it wrong to keep him if he’s willing to be with me until I find a person who will treat me the way I want and need or just untill my life gets better in general if ever? I’m not lying to him, it’s his choice to stay. This is complicated, I’m trying to make it short and simple. Where is this going?

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I am going to be blunt:

Yes, it is wrong. You are looking at relationship hopping and that is extremely bad for your own self-esteem and respect not to mention that people in relationships are off-limits. You are planning on cheating on your boyfriend when you meet someone until you decide they are 'next'. The person who would date you in this context would probably do the same thing to you.

GROW UP and learn it isn't all about your needs and wants. You are playing with another person's feelings. THAT IS YOUR CHOICE.

Why do you want to stay even for a day longer with someone you don't trust or respect? What do you get out of it besides playing martyr for closure? You don't love him. I don't think you like him. I really don't think you even care about him. You are using him for your own desires without any thought to his needs.

Every relationship must have an end before you move on to the next one. You must have time to heal and put aside the baggage that you stuffed full while in the last relationship. You don't want to carry that weight into the next one.

If you want closure that badly, try this: It ended because we were both to immature to communicate with each other and didn't care about each other's needs and wants.

I can't be that bad and he can't be that blind not to see and hear what is going on. I find him responsible for his own feelings and he knows everything I've told you yet decides to stick to me like glue. He's a grown up man, I'm not using him for a thing! He is free to leave anytime. I've never cheated in my life but I feel even if I do it wouldn't make him go away.

If you don't want to be with him then don't be with him. It's really not that hard.

You tell him that it's over and then go to no contact. He can't force you to stay with him. If you're still with him then that's on you, not him.

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Originally Posted by error_report

I can’t be that bad and he can’t be that blind not to see and hear what is going on. I find him responsible for his own feelings and he knows everything I’ve told you yet decides to stick to me like glue. He’s a grown up man, I’m not using him for a thing! He is free to leave anytime. I’ve never cheated in my life but I feel even if I do it wouldn’t make him go away.

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You ARE being just that bad. Quit using him for security, which you are doing.

He can very easily be that blind. Males sometimes live their entire lives without sight.