Ask Me Help Desk - Is my boy friend gay. Cheating to not want to have sex anymore?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years at the end of this month we've only just started having sex 5 months ago and we've done it a lot when we first started but now its been over a month and we haven't had sex I try to start it and he pushes away and says he's to tired that's the only reason he gives me or once in the last month we started to fool around as soon as he was "happy" he rolled over and went to sleep leaving me sitting there looking stupid and said he was to tired to satisfy me and its frusterating and I donno what to do I donno if its because Im not a size 6 not very attractive, if he's gay, cheating I have no idea does anyone have opinions or answers on how I should go about this?

You've really left out a lot of detail. Have you found him on gay websites? Does he have gay porn? Have you found another woman's phone number or text messages on his phone?

How about his work hours? Do the two of you work the same shift? Could he really be tired? How old is he? Enlighten us so that we can better figure things out! There could be many things causing his lack of interest, don't immediately jump to homosexuality or cheating. :)

I've caught him texting girls that he's never even mentioned to me and he says he's been friends with them for a while or just met threw other friends and he says that I'm acusing him of cheating when all I ask is who these girls are (like its been different time within the last 1) I tell him I don't care if there his friends but it just weird how he never mentions a thing about them unless I question something I find in his phone this has happened 5 different times but with the hole he doesn't want to sex anymore like he's usually at school (college) for 5am to 6:30pm even though his classes are done by noon sometimes 3pm but he comutes every with his buddy to make it easier on the pocket book and last time was a couple of days ago and this girl texted him and asked if he was still giving her a ride to school and his response was well her cars in the shop and she only lives a couple houses down from the school which I think is B.S cause then why can't she walk but anyway I just don't understand and when I confront him on it and ask if its going to happen again he's says while I don't know I told him I don't care if you have girls that are you friends but when you hide it and don't mention a it and I find out threw or from someone else that pisses me off

Have you been fighting about things... nagging him and what not?

Sounds like you might be... but is it possible the luster is fading on this relationship? Possibly. Could it be a combination of many factors? Most definitely.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mightybean

I've caught him texting girls that hes never even mentioned to me and he says he's been friends with them for a while or just met threw other friends and he says that im acusing him of cheating when all i ask is who these girls are (like its been different time within the last 1) I tell him i dont care if there his friends but it just weird how he never mentions a thing about them unless i question something I find in his phone this has happened 5 different times but with the hole he doesnt wanna sex anymore like he's usually at school (college) for 5am to 6:30pm even though his classes are done by noon sometimes 3pm but he comutes every with his buddy to make it easier on the pocket book and last time was a couple of days ago and this girl texted him and asked if he was still giving her a ride to school and his responce was well her cars in the shop and she only lives a couple houses down from the school which i think is B.S cause then why can't she walk but anyway I just dont understand and when i confront him on it and ask if its gonna happen again hes says while i dont know I told him I dont care if you have girls that are you friends but when you hide it and dont mention a it and i find out threw or from someone else that pisses me off

Hmmm. I can see why you're concerned. It makes sense that if one of a couple has friends, the other person in said couple knows about or has met these friends. It does sound as if he's being secretive. Is he coming home at six-thirty because his buddy has a class that goes that late?

Is there any way you can speak with him in a non-accusatory manner and explain to him that when he has friends that you haven't met or been told about, it looks as if he's hiding them from you for some reason? See how he responds. If he still isn't forthcoming, and you aren't meeting or hearing about these girls, maybe it's time to find another guy. I hope you get to the bottom of things soon...

Quote:

Originally Posted by mightybean

unless i question something I find in his phone

This is a red flag. You are going through his phone?

You don't trust him and he has some rather lame excuses.

You need to learn to communicate with each other at the very least. There could be a lot reasons that he isn't wanting sex including going through a period of just not being interested in the concept. That doesn't excuse him from not paying attention to your needs or ignoring that that it is a concern.

I notice that the first 19 months of your relationship were celebate. Was that by choice or circumstances (such as age)? When you did start having sex, did anything else change in your relationship? Did you start getting more possessive, being more suspicious of people he was around, clinging a bit more, maybe talking more about 'the future' and plans for it? Is that when he started his latest classes?

If you can't sit down and discuss calmly with him that you are worried about the relationship, then you need to move on and let him have his texts.

If you are snooping, you are likely nagging... if you are doing both he's likely aware of this and is ready to find a better partner.

I know either of those in excess when I was single made me walk away from a woman for good.

Stop snooping, and assuming, and get some honest communications going.

mightybean, since responding earlier to this thread, I have read more of your posts and will attempt to sum up all of the advice that I can give in this post.

You need counseling for the depression, self-esteem issues, molestation, etc. The boyfriend and not having sex is a minor part of the big picture. I am not sure that I wouldn't suggest going back to celibacy until you get your head straightened out.

His actions right now are only feeding the self-doubts and fears that are a part of your depression.

This is what you need to be focusing on:

Quote:

Originally Posted by mightybean

Im going threw the exact same thing you are to not think about life in general I usual camp out in my room 24/7 and and sleep its hard for anyone to understand because they dont feel the same way and thats frusterating its hard to find answers I ask myself everyday looking at a knife in the kitchen, a bottle of pills anything to make the misury stop but my advice is go to your doctor go to counciling i'v been attempting to follow threw with those things to get better and not feel the agonizing pain you feel inside and dont know why its there or why it wont just go away I can't work and I can't even go to school that I can't escape the deep hole im in fighting to claw my way out and the light getting dimmer and i feel like i can't breath and start screaming for almost no reason at all but what I do realize is you find help you start to feel better then you take 2 steps back its an on going process but im will to fight to get outta the hole(the best way i try to describe it) so go get help it takes time you will feel like you on a tredmil not really going anywhere nothing really seeming like its gettin better but it is slowly but for surely I hope you do seek help I know its difficult but its better then doing nothing and feeling like suffering to live threw each minute of each day if you ever wanna talk about it just message me on here take care take each day one step at a time :)