Ask Me Help Desk - Sleeping disorders

My wife betrayed me and now she has confessed it and she seriously wants to come back and is ready to do any thing for me. She is full of guilt and remorse of what she has done. I too want to forgive her by heart. But my mind is not allowing me to do so. Whenever I go to sleep at night all the pictures of she and that person flashback in my mind and I can't sleep. Its been almost a month I'm dying for getting a sound sleep but in vain. I feel I am a big failure in life who could not get love of my wife or who didn't get her love for last 1 year. Please tell me what to do to get a sound sleep. Should I start taking sleeping pills. Don't worry I'm a strong person and won't commit suicide because if I had to do suicide could do that 25 days back. Only problem I'm facing that I want to forget everything but I can control. I want to take sound sleep. Please help me. Is their any medicine which can wash your memory of last one month?

Sadly,there is no magic pill that erases bad thoughts from our head.
I don't know if you have any special faith but you could ask your higher power to take this burden from you.

You could also write down how this makes you feel and then burn it and when you do see this as a symbolic gesture of letting it go.

Every time you have these visions,just yell "NO" in your head and force your thoughts to something else.

Read a book before bed and continue the story line in your head you may just bore yourself to sleep.

Play word games in your head.I have chronic insomnia so I use all of these tricks to get sleep.

You have to accept that which you cannot change and while I know that is easy to say,you have to work hard at it.

Perhaps you and your wife need to seek counseling.If you cannot afford it many churches have free pastoral counseling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pleasesaveme

My wife betrayed me and now she has confessed it and she seriously wants to come back and is ready to do any thing for me. she is full of guilt and remorse of what she has done. I too want to forgive her by heart. but my mind is not allowing me to do so. Whenever I go to sleep at night all the pictures of she and that person flashback in my mind and i can't sleep. its been almost a month i m dying for getting a sound sleep but in vain. I feel I am a big failure in life who could not get love of my wife or who didnt get her love for last 1 year. please tell me what to do to get a sound sleep. should i start taking sleeping pills. dont worry i m a strong person and wont commit suicide because if i had to do suicide could do that 25 days back. only problem i m facing that i want to forget everything but i can control. I want to take sound sleep. please help me. is their any medicine which can wash your memory of last one month?

There is not a quick fix for your problem, and it will take time for your marriage to heal and your sleeping to heal.

First, unfaithfulness in a marriage is like an illness or injury to your body. Once you realize you are sick or have injured yourself, you then take steps to getting well. As you know, you don't get well over night, but you do start the healing process. You are dealing with trust issues as you reinvent your marriage, emotional issues as you redefine your marriage, and physical issues as you repair your marriage. The physical part most often affects our physical well-being--in this case your sleep, eating, resting, and working.

Secondly, there are steps to "getting your life back together" which includes restful nights once again.

Thirdly, healing begins when true forgiveness is given.

1. You must forgive and forget. This is hard but if you are going to save your marriage you must TRUST her once again. This will come in time.
2. You and your wife read a book together on marriage. As a Christian, I would suggest The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and Hope For the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed also by Gary Chapman. He has wonderful insight for every person, not just Christians.
3. A mind at peace will result most often in a night of peace. So, start anew with your wife. Talk openly and honestly about everything so that there will be no misunderstandings later on.
4. Both of you share your expectations. Most marriages fail because expectations don't match up with reality.
5. For you personally, if you are not exercising, then you need to start. It allows you to let off steam and prepares you for a more pleasant night of rest.
6. Lastly, love her unconditionally. If you truly want to save your marriage then remember your wedding vows. There are vows that say for better or worse, richer or poorer. This is the time when "the marriage part is at its "worst." With that in mind, put on your "best warrior outfit" and fight for it. You will be the "hero" when you can look back and say that you saved something "worth fighting for."
7. Push thoughts of your wife's infidelity in the back of your mind. You can't have distractions when you are busy "saving" your marriage.
8. Lastly, Choose to love your wife.

And remember, when someone is forgiven, it is not brought up anymore. Make sure that you have truly forgiven her. I can only offer one other peace of advice and that is to read the Bible. As a Christian it gives me direction and can speak to my heart and mind It gives me peace and peace of mind.

There is a Bach Flower Remedy called 'White Chestnut". A couple of drops in water before you go to bed and it eases the compulsive thinking that you're talking about.

Also, the herb Valerian relaxes the body. If the body is relaxed, sometimes the mind follows.

Meditation is also good - particularly a guided meditation. Any good bookshop will sell CD's that you can play when you go to bed. It will help still the mind, and hopefully relax you well enough so that you can doze off.

Good luck and I hope that you find some peace!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini54

There is a Bach Flower Remedy called 'White Chestnut". A couple of drops in water before you go to bed and it eases the compulsive thinking that you're talking about.

Also, the herb Valerian relaxes the body. If the body is relaxed, sometimes the mind follows.

Meditation is also good - particularly a guided meditation. Any good bookshop will sell CD's that you can play when you go to bed. It will help still the mind, and hopefully relax you well enough so that you can doze off.

Good luck and I hope that you find some peace!

I agree with Gemini54. I have insomnia often and what I did was sleep at the opposite end of my bed . I changed the way I slept and I played music that relaxed me , and I kid you not it has worked .

I also understand about your wife. That is a very hurtful circumstance , but you can not change it . Perhaps she really is sorry maybe she realizes that it was a mistake and she wants what she had with you.You married this woman for a reason could you really throw all of that away for a (stupid) mistake.

You should give yourself a little time to make up your mind because your heart may lead you down the wrong road sometimes, your brain may also do the same, but your gut will never fail you when you feel it in your gut you will be ready to make your choice.

I wish you good luck in which ever way you choose to go with this.

Sleep well! It's important.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini54

There is a Bach Flower Remedy called 'White Chestnut". A couple of drops in water before you go to bed and it eases the compulsive thinking that you're talking about.

Also, the herb Valerian relaxes the body. If the body is relaxed, sometimes the mind follows.

Meditation is also good - particularly a guided meditation. Any good bookshop will sell CD's that you can play when you go to bed. It will help still the mind, and hopefully relax you well enough so that you can doze off.

Good luck and I hope that you find some peace!

Out of greenies but I have to check that out.That is one I never heard of. No I mistyped or mis thought... Thanks hon :) I do have tea that has that in it... not so tasty ;)
I mediate and pray every night ,it's a must and then I am calm enough to read.
Insomnia is a bitc#$!! Thirty years and counting :eek:

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

Out of greenies but I have to check that out.That is one I never heard of. No I mistyped or mis thought ...Thanks hon :) I do have tea that has that in it....not so tasty ;)
I mediate and pray every night ,its a must and then I am calm enough to read.
Insomnia is a bitc#$ !!! Thirty years and counting :eek:

Thirty years! Wow. That must be really hard. Something that is 'chronic' is obviously much harder to shift, but I have also heard that melatonin taken homeopathically can be effective combined with having a really dark room at night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Thirty years! Wow. That must be really hard. Something that is 'chronic' is obviously much harder to shift, but I have also heard that melatonin taken homeopathically can be effective combined with having a really dark room at night.

Oh honey,I have done it all.
I sleep with two fans ,I can't accept any other noise but I also have thyroid disease so that complicates things.
I was in a sleep study years ago and they threw up their hands .Never saw anything so bad.
Really sucks.
Thanks for your thoughts.