I met a woman online 5 or 6 weeks ago and we hit it off right away. We talked every night via IM for a couple hours for 2 weeks then we decided to go out on a date.

The date went very well and lasted for about 6 hours. We went to dinner, to a bar, for a walk and then to a movie. There seemed to be instant chemistry for both of us. We held hands and I rubbed her arm all through the movie. While saying good night we ended up kissing passionately for a while.

The next day she told me that she had a great time. Over the next several days we talked about going out again.

About mid week she told me that she wouldn't be able to talk that night because her parents had a accident in their RV an hour away but 700 miles from home. They were OK but she had to go and get them.

We ended up going out again that weekend, again for about six hours. Her parents watched her kids. She kissed me passionately when we met and we kissed several other times during the date and left with the impression that things were going well and we were quickly progressing to a relationship. That was a little over 2 weeks ago.

At this point her parent have been living at her house for almost 3 weeks and I'm hardly talking to her. I've asked her out 3 times and each time she tells me that she can't go because her father is doing work around her house and she needs to be there to help. We did manage to go out to lunch a week ago and she held my hand and kissed me passionatley again. However, I've hardly talked to her since them. I asked her out to lunch last week and she said she had a meeting and couldn't but we would go for sure this week. Then today, I brought it up and she said she wasn't sure if she could and would let me know.

I'm not sure what to make of all of this. Before her parents showed up, she was eager to talk and get together. Since then, I barely talk to her. On the other hand, she is a quiet shy girl that is close to her family and they live 700 miles away. She only sees them 3 or 4 times a year so she is likely enjoying being with them and they are guest in her house so it would be somewhat rude for her to take off on them date me. However, if she is interested you would think that she would make some kind of effort.

Some thoughts would be appreciated.

I think she's just really busy and as you said is enjoying spending time with her family she hardy gets too see. I'm sure she likes you but a relationship just isn't top priority for her right now.

If she already has a kid, then she's got a lot of baggage.

I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like she's treating you as a fling. Whenver it's convenient, she will hang out with you. Otherwise, she's going to be doing her own thing.

It doesn't look like she's looking for anything serious, otherwise she would have told you by now and not drag you along.

If you can't handle the type of relationship that she seems to want, then you have to let her know so that she doesn't lead you on anymore.

If you don't want the same things, then you need to move on and find someone who wants the same thing as you.

As a single parent myself,finding time and babysitters to date can be a challenge,now she has the added stress of her parents living with her too...

I don't think she is not into you,only suddenly she has a lot going on...

If I were you,I would call her,and just say,that you understand she has a lot on her plate right now,and when she gets time to give you a call... thats a hard road to take,because you don't want to lead her on,and its not fair to you to wait forever to have a coffee!

The next time your talking to her,just ask her out straight if she would like to meet up when she has more time... and you go on your merry way,if your still single and interested if she calls,you can decide then,if you want to pursue or not.


I never considered my children baggage,they are the most important people in my life,and they always came first... dont just assume your taking her and children on,realise,she and her children are taking you on!

They have already been hurt,she will think long and hard about introducing you to them.

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Originally Posted by redhed35

i never considered my children baggage,they are the most important people in my life,and they always came first...dont just assume your taking her and children on,realise,she and her children are taking you on!

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It's not so much the actual children the baggage. It's more like the circumstances as to why there is only 1 parent remaning. The fact that the person can be in emotional turmoil is they have not fully recovered from breaking off with the other person (for example, on the rebound). The fact that the other parent will always be involved in that person's life because they are forever connected by their children. The possibility of child support issues. Divorce. Separation. Those are all messy topics.

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Originally Posted by redhed35

they have already been hurt,she will think long and hard about introducing you to them.

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I would hope so too. I just hope she's not on the rebound.

If all the issues listed above have been sorted out, then that person will be in a better position to be involved in a new relationship.

HOWEVER, there's always the possibility that when the two parents broke up, they had a mutually understanding arrangement and very little mess, but those are rare cases.

To I wish, I think perhaps your post hit a nerve with me... perhaps I did take it the wrong way..

To the op, I wish makes good points,getting to know her situation better will give you a better understanding,but since your still in the 'getting to know you' stage,its really up to you if you wish to wait and see what happens or be straight up and just ask her.

Be patient a little longer. She's got a lot going on and even though the time you spent with her was special, it's a new relationship and she's right to put her family first.

If you enjoyed her company that much, she deserves a chance to get her affairs in order before she can commit more time to you. It sounds like she has a full plate right now. Its just bad timing - probably nothing more.

A nice phone call to tell her you're thinking of her would be nice.

It's interesting to me that several posts here have jumped on the kids issue seemingly assuming that I don't have any. In fact, I have 2 myself. I am well aware of how they complicate things and how they have been hurt in the past. I am also well aware of how they complicate a new relationship.

Someone brought up the idea that she is looking for a fling. I admit that we are just in the getting to know you phase but I would have to be reading completely wrong if that was the case. In fact, the first thing that she said to me was "I'm looking for someone I can be happy with" She has been divorced for 6 years and I don't know for sure, but I get the impression that this is the first relationship she has had since them.

I was a little bummed last night so I went back and looked at something she had said in the past. One thing that jumped out at me was in a brief conversation we had on Sunday. I overlooked it at the time but she had been working on her house with her father and that was why she has been so busy.

I am inclined to agree with the posters who say that she does like me and that I do need to be more patient. Hopefully her parents leave in the next week or so and we can start to see where the relationship goes.

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Originally Posted by ImaGuy

I am inclined to agree with the posters who say that she does like me and that I do need to be more patient. Hopefully her parents leave in the next week or so and we can start to see where the relationship goes.

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How long are her parents staying for?

There's no point guessing how she feels about you. Speculation isn't going to change reality.

You're both adults. The next time you get a chance, just talk it out with her. Ask her how she feels about your current situation and go from there.

I've been debating back and forth on that one for a week now. I can't decide if having that kind of talk puts too much pressure on her and the relationship too soon.

I would have expected that her parents would have been gone a week ago but they are still there. They are waiting for parts for their RV. It's purely a guess but I would expect them to be gone in another week maybe.

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Originally Posted by ImaGuy

I've been debating back and forth on that one for a week now. I can't decide if having that kind of talk puts too much pressure on her and the relationship too soon.

I would have expected that her parents would have been gone a week ago but they are still there. They are waiting for parts for their RV. It's purely a guess but I would expect them to be gone in another week maybe.

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She already kissed you. I think it's appropriate to ask something casual like:

1) "So how do you feel about me?"

2) "Do you think where things are heading between us?"

Ask open-ended questions that gives her more flexibility to answer, so that she can say whatever she's comfortable with. Specific questions would give her pressure, because that would push her into a corner.

Remember why you're asking her. You're asking because you have so many questions in your own mind. It's not fair to you that you're left hanging while she has the answers. Remember, a relationship is a two-way street.

I going to say just relax about the whole thing,and see how it pans out...

Most likely time is something she is short on at the moment,if as you say her parents will be gone next week,take it up then,really when your only getting to know someone,there's nothing worse then the 'we need to talk" talk!

As I said relax,and just let it things develop naturally.

I concur with I wish and redhed35, my view is the same.

Empathise with her, it seems she is very busy and also has responsibility, she likes you or she wouldn't make the effort to see you when she can.
You are still at the beginning of the relationship, my motto is always never take it too serious! In my opinion having a casual talk with her might still be a bad idea but it's a lot better than a "we need to talk" talk :) no one wants to hear a "we need to talk" :).

Wait until the busyness calms down and ask her if she has any time, maybe explain that you see she is busy, you could always offer to help with something and make it in to a date as well?

In my bordom tonight, I was on the dating site that I met her on. I was just looking around and I came across her profile. It said that she hadn't been active in over 30 days. This corresponds with when we started talking.

Whatever her intentions are towards us having a relationship, this tells me that she is at least happy/interested enough that she has stopped looking. This is really all the validation I need at the moment.

I really feel that I have been being impatient and paranoid. I am not going to try and have any relationship talk with her. I am just going to respect the fact that she has a lot on her plate right now and has no spare time to go out.

I've fallen in to the habit of e-mailing her at work (once a day) and I think I have been bugging her because she is busy at work. I will stop that too.

I'm not going to pursue anyone else at the moment. I will wait until her parents leave and then try to pick it up from there. After all, if I can't wait a week or so for this girl, what the hell is wrong with me!

Hopefully absence makes the heart grow fonder.