My girlfriend and I were hanging out with our friends and when we were left alone, she went serious and looked me in the eyes and said she didn't love me and was not even into me! I can't believe she said that after 3 years! After she got sober she apologised for it.
I know it's been awhile since she's told me loved me and when I say I love her she doesn't say it back anymore but she shows it.
I heard people saying they loved someone when drunk but this! Were her words true? I'm afraid to ask and she probably doesn't remember it. I don't know how to act around her. Help please!

Let's forget the drunk/sober incident for a minute. If she doesn't even say she loves you back while you tell her that you love, then she obviously doesn't feel the same way about you.

This has become a one way relationship. It's a loveless relationship. Furthermore, it sounds like she's just hanging on to you in case she can't find someone else.

Why be with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you? It's only going to cause you more pain.

The drunken incident only helped you open your eyes. She's not sorry about what she said while she was drunk. She's sorry that she doesn't love you back the way you love her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by letters_digits

my gf and i were hanging out with our friends and when we were left alone, she went serious and looked me in the eyes and said she didn't love me and was not even into me! i can't believe she said that after 3 years! after she got sober she apologised for it.
i know it's been awhile since she's told me loved me and when i say i love her she doesn't say it back anymore but she shows it.
i heard people saying they loved someone when drunk but this! were her words true? i'm afraid to ask and she probably doesn't remember it. i don't know how to act around her. help please!

---

I don't care if you're drunk or stoned, or whatever, but that is a pretty heartless statement to make. I think there are some pretty clear signs this relationship is over.

If my girlfriend would ever say that to me, drunk or not, I can pretty much guarantee you I would be out the door. You need to think logically about this, there are a lot of signs that shouldn't be ignored.

I agree, she shouldn't have said that... especially after a 3 year relationship. It doesn't matter how drunk she was she should have never said "I don't love you" or "I am not into you anymore"... at that point if I was you, I would have walked away and said fine... arrivaderchie because I deserve someone who loves me and is into me.

You do not deserve a one way relationship. People can show they care about you but if they can't say they love you and don't show you love (only that they care) then it's time to move on. Mind you if she did care about you in the least, she would not have uttered those words. Again, it is a 3 year relationship so the attachment is there for you and so very difficult and so is the forgiveness. Just maintain how you feel and tell her how you feel... she may come out with it and you two can talk about what is going to happen later down the road. Regardless, she should say she loves you if she is in the relationship for love, I wouldn't let the relationship continue to develop until you know how she truly feels. The longer you prolong the relationship; the harder it gets so I would get to the bottom of it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by letters_digits

after she got sober she apologised for it...

i'm afraid to ask and she probably doesn't remember it.

---

She remembered enough to apologize when she was sober.

You need to face the idea that you are afraid to ask her because you don't want to have her confirm your fears.

Your choices are:

1) You ignore the concerns and go about your happy life and then get blind-sided by her saying she's breaking up with you (putting blinders on is a good way to get blind-sided).

2) You don't talk with her and you let the concerns build up until you explode and say something that can never be taken back.

3) You confront her and demand an answer and she dumps right then and there.

4) You calmly discuss your feelings and concerns about the relationship and maybe find out that she has just been having doubts and concerns that possibly by working together you can get over.

5) You calmly discuss the relationship and come to the understanding that this relationship isn't going to work for both of you and that you both need to move on.

#5 might be the most feasible and least painful for both of you.

She's my everything, we talked about marriage and kids. Why she didn't say anything before? We have a good time together. Care or love? What's the difference? I can tell she has feelings for me! I don't think option #1 is true. Only if she's been acting it all this time.

Lets say you're right and I have that 5 options. I love her and I do deserve her! She doesn't want to breakup with me, why is she with me for so long? I don't want to leave her even if this is true.
She used to say she loved me during our first year together. I don't understand. I never thought saying it out loud is important.

I don't know what to think. How is this possible? Maybe that really was just the drink talking. I'm confused. I thought she said sorry for that, because we're still together. So #3 in not an option too. I vote for option #4 and hope #2 won't happen.

You have to face the cold hard facts man. Look what has been dealt in front of you? She was heartless in saying that. Even when you are drunk, you know what you are saying and she obviously did or she wouldn't have apologized. I would just get up and go on my way if I were you. I would say the chances are pretty high of her doing that to you very soon.

Why would she apologised for saying the truth? If she really meant it why saying she's sorry? Not to hurt me for instance. But she is still with me and not showing any sings of dumping me! She said sorry for saying it because she didn't mean it.
Not one person thinks that's possible?

Have you seen that new budlight commercial about it being just right and the girl trying to break up with him? Perfect example right there.

That's why I put in option #4 on the chance that she may be feeling some concerns that she is afraid to bring up, but that can be worked out.

However, those words in conjunction with her silence on saying 'I love you' when she used to say them is troubling. It means that something has changed. What that is you would have to discuss with her.

You say that she 'shows' you that she 'loves' you when you say "I love you." For people who have said I love you in the past, it is generally a sign that they are distancing themselves from the relationship.

You're hearing advice that you didn't want to and, from your tone of writing, coming close to freaking out with us. We're strangers and not involved with you. How do you think she might feel being in the same room and trying to say the same things?

I'm not freaking out on you, you're only helping, I'm generally freaking out with you who just happen to be near. This is right now too much, I'll go and clear my head and come back later to read if you figure out something new.
I'll talk to her as soon as I see her. That's the only safe option.

Ya know one way to make sure she gets what she wants? Tell her that you two need to take a break and by the end of the week she needs to decide what she really wants. Then at the end of the week it is judgement day. I tried that once and it worked. She made her decision by the end of the week and she dumped me.

There is no point bottloling it up and then making excuses for her.

Talk about it from your heart and most importantly, talk to her. You two spent three years together and am sure some sort of communication was established.

Talk about it and how it made you feel and what you want or what she wants.

Good luck and let us know how it went. Hopefully you two can work out your differences... so long as you two aren't too different. Your young... be young!