Ask Me Help Desk - Why do I deal with it?

:rolleyes:

Aloha,
My name is LOW SELFESTEEM. I am currently dateing a man who checks out chicks in front behind and beside me. Now he does not do it in an out burst for I watch him and his face expressions are just so loud. I have told him how I know its human nature to check out others good for them if they keep top shape and want to be looked at. But I have asked him and expressed how it hurts my feelings. And he still does it. Why? I mean to make it work in a relationship we have to meet the others needs correct? I mean I do evrything for him I support him, I pay our bills, and because of his passed he is barley making it with child support. YES he has two kids a 10 and a 8 year old which I love and they love me too. I don't know why I am even on here I don't know if it's a secret prayer I am doing to maybe the tears I shedded last night all night because a very good looking dorthy came by the house to pick up candy with her daughter he watched her come up and watched her leave and I mean watched and made a male grunt. I was sitting right there with a candy in my mouth I spit the candy out because I was just think I can never look like that if I eat this. Is this bad thing that I feel so down about myself cause I feel my boyfiend is onkly with me because of the support system he has going? Why would it matter what I look like to him he loved me don't he? I mean I am 5;7 180ish and I think I am not BIG but I am heathly. I don't think I can ever be a size 2 that's just not my frame. He has done this so much since I have been with him... the double take of women walking by... servers at fast food stores... all women... he makes the comments that I come home to you every night, you live with me I live with you... I always want you around me... yes I love to hear that, but I have expressed to him not to look at women so hard as he does in front of me. I am aware this is his human nature, I think I am a good girlfriend by not fliiping out when he does do it I know he does, but I just ask not in front of me. I want all of his attention. Is that too much to ask?

Dear L.S.E.
You have two choices. 1.)Deal with it. Or 2.)Dump him!
Personal I think he has Absolutely no respect for you or he wouldn't do such things.
Yes he may come home to you at night, but what did he do during the day?
It sounds like you are co-dependant and need to seek some counsling to help you gather self-esteem.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!! Why support a man who treats you like that and/or hurts you? What if it was your daughter, friend, niece that came to you and asked for your advice on this situation? Hopefully you would tell them get out of that relationship!

Take care of yourself and find a man that will love you, look at you, and not want to act like a pig grunting over others!

I think he's with you because he loves you and when it comes to men looking at other women, that will never change. I've been with my husband for 7 years and it made me mad at first that he looks at other women and now it's an every day thing because as long as he looks and don't touch I'm fine. Women have something that men love popping out of their shirts and men like to stare and that's fine but if a man walks by with no shirt on or a big buldge in his pants and I look or make a noise he don't like it much. All in all I just think it is human nature to be concerned.

There is no harm in window shopping ;)
But obviously there are ways and means of going by this!

If my husband started grunting at women in front of me regardless if he touched or not you better believe I would be hurt, angry, and upset. Why in the world would any person suggest to another to stay in a relationship that made you feel like that?
You are better than that... I think he may care for you however he wants to have his cake and eat it too!

Quote:

Originally Posted by boogz

:rolleyes:

Aloha,
My name is LOW SELFESTEEM. I am currently dateing a man who checks out chicks infront behind and beside me. Now he does not do it in an out burst for i watch him and his face expressions are just so loud. I have told him how i know its human nature to check out others good for them if they keep top shape and want to be looked at. But i have asked him and expressed how it hurts my feelings. And he still does it. Why? I mean to make it work in a relationship we have to meet the others needs correct? i mean i do evrything for him i support him, i pay our bills, and because of his passed he is barley making it with child support. YES he has two kids a 10 and a 8 year old which i love and they love me too. i dont know why i am even on here i dont know if its a secret prayer i am doing to maybe the tears i shedded last night all night because a very good looking dorthy came by the house to pick up candy with her daughter he watched her come up and watched her leave and i mean watched and made a male grunt. I was sitting right there with a candy in my mouth i spit the candy out because i was just think i can never look like that if i eat this. is this bad thing that i feel so down about myself cause i feel my boyfiend is onkly with me because of the support system he has going?? Why would it matter what i look like to him he loved me dont he? I mean i am 5;7 180ish and i think i am not BIG but i am heathly. I dont think i can ever be a size 2 thats just not my frame. he has done this soo much since i have been with him...the double take of women walking by....servers at fast food stores.....all women.....he makes the comments that i come home to you every night, you live with me i live with you.....i always want you around me.......yes i love to hear that, but i have expressed to him not to look at women so hard as he does in front of me. I am aware this is his human nature, i think i am a good girlfriend by not fliiping out when he does do it i know he does, but i just ask not infront of me. i want all of his attention. is that too much to ask?

Change your name into VERY HIGH SELF ESTEEM first of all
Second of all- LEAVE HIM!

There is nothing wrong with looking at other guys or girls when you're committed to someone else- there are some awesome looking girls or guys out there, and since we are humans, we are drawn to beauty and whatever is pleasing to our eyes, but acting on this, other than simply giving a passing glance or a little thought, is wrong if you are committed to someone else.
I'm engaged, but I still take notice of smokin' hot guys out there. I don't act on it, or do anything other than think to myself, "man, that's a good-lookin' dude." I don't do it in front of my fiancé as to sort of taunt him with it and hold it over his head. I don't even check guys out so to speak, and I would never do that in front of him.
You have told this guy how you feel about him doing this, and he hasn't considered your opinion or respected your feelings; I would feel like crap too.
Oh, and him telling you that he lives with YOU so that makes it okay to check out other girls right in front of your face, is an excuse!! I've heard of guys that tell their girlfriends: "I don't mind going to strip clubs and paying big money for a dance- and neither should you! After all, I DO always come home to YOU at night." This makes no sense whatsoever.

You need to do something to get it through his head that him checking out other women in front of you makes you uncomfortable, and you'd like him to stop. Tell him your feelings one more time, if he doesn't start respecting the way you feel after that, you need to leave.