Damn Fine Explanation
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom
Making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she
Cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of
Your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least
I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but
They'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the
Car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and
Let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very
Dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the
Enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because
You're afraid you'll put on weight.. The poor thing devoured them in
Moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and
While she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of
Holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that
You have had for a few years, but
Don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present,
Which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that
You don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you
Bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work
Has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so
Grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door,
She turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't
Use?

Response during love making:
Mistress: Wow ! Darling this is great.
Whore: Come on finish it now.
Girlfriend: Ah! Please slowly.
Wife: Ceiling needs painting !

Indian way of doing Business
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in
Washington D. C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China .

They go with a White House office to examine the fence.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
Then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"


The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we
hire the guy from China to fix the fence."


"Done!" replies the government official.

A lady walks into a store looking to buy some cigarettes. She asks the clerk "How much are those cigarettes?"

The clerk, being new responds "Duh, I don't know!"

At this point the manager hears this and takes the new employee aside. He tells him that he can't tell the customers that, he is supposed to tell them "Duh, fifty cents!"

So the clerk does accordingly. Then the lady responds "Well that's not too bad, how fresh are they then?"

Once again the clerk responds "Duh, I don't know!" Still standing there the manager takes the clerk aside and says, "I told you, you can't say that here, you're supposed to say 'Duh, very fresh!'"

Once again the clerk does what the manager has told him. The lady asks one final question, "Hmmmm....Should I buy those cigarettes?" The clerk, sounding very stupid by this time, responds: "Duh, I don't know!"

This time the manager isn't too happy and pulls the clerk into the back room. He says "If you say that one more time you wont be working here any more. Next time say 'Duh, if you don't somebody else will.'"

He responded to the lady as instructed and she bought the cigarettes and left.

A while later a thief with a gun enters the store.

He demands: "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!!!!"

The clerk, feeling very confident, and better educated responds as taught: "Duh, fifty cents!"

The thief, being angered yells back "ARE YOU BEING FRESH WITH ME BOY?!!!?!?!"

And sounding smarter than ever, the clerk says "Duh, very fresh!"

Now, furious the thief demands "DO YOU WANT ME TO BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF!?!?!??!?!??"








Duh if you don't, somebody else will...