Hi I'm new to the forum but have a question on a relationship issue.
In as a condensed a form as possible, some background. Known her for 4 years grown stronger, not seeing on day to day but in regular email contact. Have own 10 year relationship but want to be somewhere else. Problem person lives london and is aware I care for her but said literally not interested. Despite this of all the people I have met I'm, convinced its worthwhile maintaining contact. She needs advice and encouragement, how do I make progress with this relationship? Do I just admit its not going anywhere and be content with the current status and get on with stuff or really make apoint of showing how I feel. Already giving work her way to generate platform to communicate, I'm stuck and it isn't going away. She's amazing and I don't know what to do? Any ideas people

Well the first thing you must do is be honest with your current partner that you have spent 10 years with that your not happy and want out.

I wouldn't bother about anything or anyone else until you have done that!

You need to be honest with this person. You owe them that at least. 10 years. Wow.

Don't be a coward. Be a man and tell her the truth. Don't cheat on her. That would be such a disgraceful act. Especially to someone you have been with for so long.

You've said that she told you she's not interested. That said, I'd back off and leave things alone. You can e-mail her if you want but don't push for or expect things to go anywhere.

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

You've said that she told you she's not interested. That said, I'd back off and leave things alone. You can e-mail her if you want but don't push for or expect things to go anywhere.

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What about dealing with his 10 year relationship first?

Shouldn't that be a priority?

I don't think you should be emailing anything to this other person behind your partners back. Does your partner know what your doing? I think not!

Are you willing to give up something you've had going on for 10 years on a 'what if'?

How about 'what if' doesn't happen and you are left to be lonely? That's pretty risky, dear. If she has told you no, then no will be the answer if you keep on trying to pursue it. The more you keep on trying to have something with a woman who does not see you as a potential boyfriend/etc. then you will begin to look mighty... bad.

It's not worth the risk or the heartache. The woman who you are with now obviously wants to stick around, give her reason to.

I agree with Skell here, Take care, and make a decision on the 10 year relationship one way or another. To jump around to another would be cheating and cowardly. Second this other female has already said she is not interested so what part of NO, do you not understand. You have already shown you will cheat if you had the chance, so seeing you have a cowards problem the best thing to do is leave both females alone because they probably deserve better. Don't you think?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I agree with Skell here, Take care, and make a decision on the 10 year relationship one way or another. To jump around to another would be cheating and cowardly. Second this other female has already said she is not interested so what part of NO, do you not understand. You have already shown you will cheat if you had the chance, so seeing you have a cowards problem the best thing to do is leave both females alone because they probably deserve better. Don't you think?

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Damn this rep system.

Well said tal. Something he definitely needed to hear!

I agree with tal and skull. You need to be very honest but I think that since she said she's not intrested you should probably not push that hard yet and make it so she feels mor ecomftoble then tell her how you feel. But be careful wait to long she will find someone else. Remember she said she's not intrestead(aka it over kinda)

Yes - end the 10 year one first.

But, don't be so available to the other gal. Disappear for a while - don't return e-mals right away - be unpredictable.

Go to this site -great advice - www.lovetactics.com

thanks everyone around the world for the reply to a perfectly normal human dilemma.
its funny but only a small amount of information can lead to being verry misjudged.
its valuable to read your opinions. As an update, no one values my 10 year relationship more than I do. My current partner does now know about it, and you know what she's OK about it. Have you ever been so drawn to someone that its hard to turn away. I don't mean in a bloke way but just about wanting to look after someone as much as you could... I said. I knew you always had a soft spot for her, she's nice.
Some times you just meet some one who has such an impact on you, I have no intentions to throw a way this fantastic partner I have. I know what no means, I think its just interesting how much you can care for someone else other than the person you will be with until you die.
I said all this stuff to both of them knowing it would break an intolerable internal pain, and you know what I have 2 better freindships because of it. I knew I would be rejected but I did it anyway. I needed to reset things. I looked a fool and yesterday someone I've never met in Australia thinks I'm a low life because of what I said, this is as far from the truth as it can get. You were all right because 10 years is a wow! Is it a flaw in people to love some one else, I think not, it's the life changing encounters with people that makes you as a consiquence better and stronger because of it while I still miss this person I know NO is as sraight as it gets, but I think I have a good friend.

Far from it. I don't think you are a low life at all. I was merely offering advice based on what "small amount" of information you offered.

I hope you can see how I may reached this judgment by reading the threads again. How else would one perceive this?

You said you were in "10 year relationship but want to be somewhere else". How am I meant to take that!

And no, it isn't a flaw in someone to love someone else. As long as you are honest with all involved and honest with yourself. So you have to ask yourself if that is the case.

I'm sorry if you didn't like what I wrote but it was all I could going on what you gave us.

The more info the better.

Perhaps if you wrote in your original post what you wrote in your follow up we would have been able to offer advice that was better suited to you.

Sorry if I have judged you inappropriately but IMO it looked as though you were wanting to cheat on your partner of 10 years and I would never condone that!

This whole post has gone a little whacky given your original post and now this one wouldn't you agree?

Then QUIT talking with the other person. + that person said she doesn't want to be wioth you.

If I were your current gal. I'd dump you yesterday.

It sounds like you want this new girl as a back up plan or a cushion to make your break up easier. Are you really sure what you want?

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Originally Posted by capy

thanks everyone arround the world for the reply to a perfectly normal human dilemma.
its funny but only a small amount of infomation can lead to being verry misjudged.
its valuable to read your opinions. as an update, no one values my 10 year relationship more than i do. My current partner does now know about it, and you know what shes ok about it. Have you ever been so drawn to someone that its hard to turn away. I dont mean in a bloke way but just about wanting to look after someone as much as you could... i said. I knew you always had a soft spot for her, she's nice.
Some times you just meet some one who has such an impact on you, I have no intentions to throw a way this fantastic partner i have. I know what no means, i think its just interesting how much you can care for someone else other than the person you will be with untill you die.
I said all this stuff to both of them knowing it would break an intolerable internal pain, and you know what i have 2 better freindships because of it. I knew i would be rejected but i did it anyway. i needed to reset things. I looked a fool and yesterday someone ive never met in austrailia thinks i'm a low life because of what i said, this is as far from the truth as it can get. you were all right because 10 years is a wow! is it a flaw in people to love some one else, i think not, its the life changing encounters with people that makes you as a consiquence better and stronger because of it while i still miss this person i know NO is as sraight as it gets, but i think i have a good friend.

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This posting is so different than the original that it paints a picture opposite of the one we have based our reponses on so far. If I may ask what is your question now?