i just found it hard to trust my fiance, again when he cheated on me 2 or 3 wks in or relationship, i really loved and trusted him @ that time, but i just lost massive trust on him!! Its sad now, because he's trying so hard for me to trust him again, he's going all out, for ex. He asked we should stay together, he so committed in our relationship, he always wears his ring to prove he's married, whenever we hang out with friends, he expresses his love for me, i mean he does so much, but i still can not trust him.

I've become so much insecure with myself and lack of trust for him, its so sad and pathetic, sometimes i think about how i'm acting like a towards him, i always tell him he made me this way because he cheated on me, sometimes i'd leave work early to sneak up on him what's he's doing @ home, it turns out nothing is going on. I feel so pathetic. I can tell now he's trying to make it up to me, but it still not working.

I really need help with my relationship, i do not want to lose him, i've never felt this loved in my life, i just want to trust him again. Please help. Thank you!!!

So he cheated two or three weeks after you two first got together?


How long have you two been together?


How old are you two?

Yea.. he cheated 2/3wks after we got together

We've been going out almost 2yrs now and I'm 21!!

Why did you agree to marry him if you don't trust him?

It must be awful but you either have to forgive him and move forward or...

No trust = no relationship = no marriage

If you aren't satisfied with his progress, then it's best to cut ties instead of suffering.

When did you find out? Just after it happened or more recently after you agreed to marry him?

With the amount of anger and hurt as well as insecurities that you are showing, I don't know if you are truly ready to let those feelings go and heal yourself and your relationship.

One big step is accepting that it happened and that it is in the past. Allow yourself to set it aside and make a deal with yourself that you won't dwell on it any more. Next step is to go with your fiancé to couples' counseling where you can learn how to stop punishing him for his one mistake extremely early in your relationship.

You need to stop blaming him 'for making you the way you are'. You are now to the point where it is time to take responsibility for your own actions and feelings. You could leave the relationship and move on without him. It is your choice to stay and try to work it out.

Definitely stop sneaking over to his house trying to 'catch him'. That only hurts your self-esteem and respect. It also shows how much you don't trust him or your own judgment.

He can't do everything to fix the relationship. I wouldn't blame him if he stopped trying. If you truly love him as much as he obviously loves you, you will work on rebuilding your self-respect and self-esteem. Your going to have to allow yourself to show that you can trust him. Showing that trust in him is also showing that you trust your judgment. If you can't find that trust, then you need to end the relationship before you do any more damage to either one of you.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

When did you find out? Just after it happened or more recently after you agreed to marry him?

With the amount of anger and hurt as well as insecurities that you are showing, I don't know if you are truly ready to let those feelings go and heal yourself and your relationship.

One big step is accepting that it happened and that it is in the past. Allow yourself to set it aside and make a deal with yourself that you won't dwell on it any more. Next step is to go with your fiancé to couples' counseling where you can learn how to stop punishing him for his one mistake extremely early in your relationship.

You need to stop blaming him 'for making you the way you are'. You are now to the point where it is time to take responsibility for your own actions and feelings. You could leave the relationship and move on without him. It is your choice to stay and try to work it out.

Definitely stop sneaking over to his house trying to 'catch him'. That only hurts your self-esteem and respect. It also shows how much you don't trust him or your own judgment.

He can't do everything to fix the relationship. I wouldn't blame him if he stopped trying. If you truly love him as much as he obviously loves you, you will work on rebuilding your self-respect and self-esteem. Your going to have to allow yourself to show that you can trust him. Showing that trust in him is also showing that you trust your judgment. If you can't find that trust, then you need to end the relationship before you do any more damage to either one of you.

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Thanks Cat.. I think you've made some good points! And I will definitely take it to consideration.

You're welcome. I really hope things work out for you.