Ask Me Help Desk - Two boyfriends and I don't know what to do

Two boyfriends and I don't know what to do

I just separated with my husband.I have two boyfriends,both of them I love them for different reasons.The first one is 15 years my senior,he is mature and does evrything for me but he is married and the second one is 1 year older ,he is young and says he wants to settle down for marriage but right now he does not have enough money even to take care of himself.what should I do.

You shouldn't be with either of them.

1) You need to recover from your separation from your husband. Has the divorce been finalized?

2) One man is married, so he's off-limits nor matter how you see it.

3) Any new guy that you meet is going to be a rebound at this point. So that's unfair to everyone involved.

Don't force yourself to be in a relationship. You should be single and recovering from your recent break up first.

Get your divorce and build a relationship with yourself before you start dating single men not married ones.

Quote:

What should I do?

Stop being a gold digging, girl toy and get your act together, so you can have a healthy relationship for yourself.

Tell the poor guy he can't afford you. Be honest with him, so he knows exactly what the price of a good partner is, and quote him a fair price, like you did the rich married fool.

Exactly like Tal said, you are just going to end up hurting everybody, you, these 2 boyfriends and possibly the ex husband.
You need LOTS of time alone, you seem to be a wreck right now.

You need to look at why you need someone so desperately in your life.
Are you incapable of living alone for a time and learning about who you are and knowing that your happiness comes from within you?
Others can not make you happy.They can give you things,but that is not going to make you happy.

Not truly.

You sound very desperate to have to have a man to take care of you.
Why can't you be a strong woman and take care of yourself?

Shame on you for dating a married man.How would you feel if a sister did that to you?

Drop them both,get a sense of self esteem and do what is morally right.

You will sleep better at night.

So your married but still have 2 boyfriends , your poor husband must be devastated losing you...

Why don't you ask the married guys wife what she would do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

So your married but still have 2 boyfriends , your poor husband must be devastated losing you..........

Why don't you ask the married guys wife what she would do??

Out of Greenies but whoa,you said it. It is a question that behooves an answer. ;)

Is this a joke?

You're married, have two boyfriends and one of which is also married... do you really need to ask how to handle this situation?

Dump your first MARRIED boyfriend and dump the second one because you've just recently separated from your husband. A LOT of time alone seems to be your best solution.

You need to find a Third One!

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

Get your divorce and build a relationship with yourself before you start dating single men not married ones.

I agree, learn who you are before you try for a relationship with anyone.

I won't say much about the separation because I don't know why you are separated. I will say that is seems to have left you with an extremely poor concept of how to end a relationship (any relationship). The marriage, itself, seems to have left you with a skewed perception of relationships in general.

Jumping from relationship to relationship is at its best hard on the self-esteem. Jumping from relationship to relationships (note the plural usage) shows an utter lack of self-respect.

All three relationships need to be ended. The only contact with your husband should be through lawyers. The other two relationships should have NO CONTACT at all.

You need to take a step back and run some self diagnostics.

Something in your current mental/emotional state is allowing you to think that a relationship with a married man is permissible. It isn't. Neither is accepting anything from him in the way of gifts or affection that he should be giving to his wife. You have gone from an obviously broken marriage to potentially breaking up a marriage. In some deep corner of your mind is this payback for what happened in your previous relationship? Are you using him as an emotional crutch that you know won't or can't demand more of you in the relationship?

The third relationship has even more questions and concerns associated with it. You say that the younger man can barely support himself. Is that a problem because you want him to help support you? Does he look to have you support him? Why does it matter that he is interested in settling down and marriage? Are you truly contemplating another long-term relationship when you haven't even finished the one you are in? Yes, even separated you are still involved in that relationship.

You need to take time to discover why you seem to need to be in a relationship ALL the time. What do you feel is missing in yourself that these other people are supposed to fill? Why can't you rely on yourself for emotional, mental, and monetary support? Why do you seem to need other people to validate your existence?

Stop playing games with other people and rebuild your relationship with yourself.

What goes around comes around. Married people are off limits, pure and simple. Conduct yourself with more integrity and class. I imagine if your husband was cheating on you you'd have a whole new perspective on this. I agree with those who say you need to step up and find yourself. The last thing you need right now is a relationship with anyone other than yourself. Be honest with yourself and figure out what's missing within. Counseling might help. Other people will never be able to 'make you happy' or give you what you think you need. Don't avoid the hurt, embrace it. I've learned the most about myself when I've been really down. Allow it to happen and sit with it even though it feels bad. It really is worth the effort.

:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I won't say much about the separation because I don't know why you are separated. I will say that is seems to have left you with an extremely poor concept of how to end a relationship (any relationship). The marriage, itself, seems to have left you with a skewed perception of relationships in general.

Jumping from relationship to relationship is at its best hard on the self-esteem. Jumping from relationship to relationships (note the plural usage) shows an utter lack of self-respect.

All three relationships need to be ended. The only contact with your husband should be through lawyers. The other two relationships should have NO CONTACT at all.

You need to take a step back and run some self diagnostics.

Something in your current mental/emotional state is allowing you to think that a relationship with a married man is permissible. It isn't. Neither is accepting anything from him in the way of gifts or affection that he should be giving to his wife. You have gone from an obviously broken marriage to potentially breaking up a marriage. In some deep corner of your mind is this payback for what happened in your previous relationship? Are you using him as an emotional crutch that you know won't or can't demand more of you in the relationship?

The third relationship has even more questions and concerns associated with it. You say that the younger man can barely support himself. Is that a problem because you want him to help support you? Does he look to have you support him? Why does it matter that he is interested in settling down and marriage? Are you truly contemplating another long-term relationship when you haven't even finished the one you are in? Yes, even separated you are still involved in that relationship.

You need to take time to discover why you seem to need to be in a relationship ALL the time. What do you feel is missing in yourself that these other people are supposed to fill? Why can't you rely on yourself for emotional, mental, and monetary support? Why do you seem to need other people to validate your existence?

Stop playing games with other people and rebuild your relationship with yourself.

Look, everyone has a different situation. I am sorry that you have gone through all this judgment, things are never as clear as it may seem. I think maybe you are trying to get something from these two guys that you were lacking in your marriage and/or are using this opportunity as a rebound to distract yourself from the loss of the marriage.

I do think its unfair that everyone judge you so harshly, no one is in your shoes. But, from my perspective, maybe you should take some time to yourself because I think that is what you are most afraid of? There is a healing process that comes with divorce. You do not need to be immediately in a relationship. I don't think its unfair that you date. Those who have not been through a divorce don't understand sometimes that marriage, or the love in it, has ended long before the divorce and so, sometimes it seems "too soon" to begin again, when really it is not. But, you should heal before you start again.

I think the accusation of you being a gold digger is a bit much though, I don't think any of us have enough information about the situation to determine that. I think its fair to say that you don't want to have to support anyone else, especially right now. I do agree though that you are in the middle of ending something and do need to give your full attention to that right now.

Stop being a skeeze!

Quote:

Originally Posted by itsamor

stop being a skeeze!

Hahaha