I been married close to four years. I have 2 kids that are mine and a step-daughter. I was caught cheating. I know why I did it. I am going to therpy and just trying to show her that I am still love with her I and am truly sorry for what I did. Everyone says keep your head up but it is hard when my wife still thinks about it. She is also seeing a therpy but I am lost. I want to protect her and tell here that everything will be better. I love my wife, her touch and her love. I just made the most stupidest mistake in my life. I know that I am dealing with that. I want her to trust me and all I can do is show her. What else can I do.

There is nothing else you can do - this is like any other type of injury. She needs to heal. She either will or she won't.

Words are probably meaningless to her right now because when you have an affair you have to lie. Your actions will prove to her that you have or have not changed.

You have been married four years and were caught cheating? So you didn't stop the affair "just because." You stopped because you got caught?

That has got to hurt her, too.

You broke her trust, so you're going to have to earn her trust back. You can't expect her to get over something like this so quickly. It takes time. You made a mistake, now face the consequences.

You can't control her feelings. She's going to feel that she feels. Just do your part is trying to earn her trust back.

So far, it seems like she's still willing to try because she hasn't left you. So just keep working hard and show her that you made a mistake and that you really care about her.

She has been in talk of divocing me. I mean I stop the affair 2 weeks after she found out. I talked to this girl for month and half. She can't work neither can I. Even after this we still been having sex but now today this morning she wanted to stop. She has always initiated the sex. I always made love to her. But now she says that she cant. What do I dooooo for her and for myself. I have a 1 yr, 3 yr, and 10 year old daughter. I don't want to loose my wife.

The most important thing for her to know at this time is that you truly understand her pain and you accept full responsibility for the damage this has caused your marriage.

You need to give her reasons everyday to want to recommit to the marriage.

Therapy is not a magic pill and she needs time to heal.During that time you need to be considerate of her mixed emotions and allow her to set the pace.

Let her lead the way and you follow and know that atoning for your sins is more than saying I'm sorry.

Some people no matter how badly they want to forgive and move on from the breach of trust simply can't but fortunate for you she is trying.

Time and space and let her set the pace of the relationship.Only time will tell.

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Originally Posted by joel82

She has been in talk of divocing me. I mean I stop the affair 2 weeks after she found out. I talked to this girl for month and half. She can't work neither can I. Even after this we still been having sex but now today this morning she wanted to stop. She has always initiated the sex. I always made love to her. but now she says that she cant. What do I dooooo for her and for myself. I have a 1 yr, 3 yr, and 10 year old daughter. I dont want to loose my wife.

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The more you post, the worst you sound - it took you two weeks to stop the affair after your wife found out?

She's a very tolerant and understanding woman - were you married to me you'd be standing outside in the cold.

And I'm not kidding.

I stopped the affair then my wife found out.

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Originally Posted by joel82

I stopped the affair then my wife found out.

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Your words were: "I mean I stop the affair 2 weeks after she found out."

Which story is true - she found out and you stopped 2 weeks later OR you stopped and she found out 2 weeks later?

Impossible to help you when you keep changing your story to fit the answers and make yourself look better.

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Originally Posted by joel82

I have a 1 yr, 3 yr, and 10 year old daughter. I dont want to loose my wife.

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You should have thought of that before you cheated on her.

If I were in her position, I would have divorced you the second I found out. You completely broke her trust: No trust = No marriage

But it's too late to turn back to clock, so just focus on treating her better and learning from your mistakes. It's up to her if she wants to give you a second chance, but it takes a lot of time and effort to repair the damage. Don't expect to have quick results.

Furthermore, you can't blame her if she wants to leave you, because it means she doesn't want to try anymore. Feelings can't be forced.

How do I build trust. She siad that she doesn't want to try she doesn't have to... but I know I can sense that she wants to. What do I do.

Have you read what everyone has posted? There is nothing you CAN do. It is her decision to make. You can try to be responsible and trustworthy but it's her decision.

And are you going to explain the two different versions of your affair?

I just can't believe that there is nothing you can do... I am not a quiter

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Originally Posted by joel82

I just can't believe that there is nothing you can do....... i am not a quiter

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You quit your marriage at one point did you not?

Read my previous post.You sit back and take your punishment like a man and accept what she dishes out.

Actions have consequence's and you are paying the price.
Stop thinking about what you can do to fix this.

Think about her pain and let her know that you understand her pain.

You are making this about you and that selfish mindset is most likely what got you in trouble in the first place.

It's not about quitting. The others are right, have you been reading the our responses?

You are the one who cheated on her and now you have to face the consequences of your actions. "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime".

Learn to be a better person. If she sees that you're making an effort to be a better person, then maybe she will consider forgiving you. But it's up to her if she wants to work things out. You can't force her to do something that she doesn't want.

TRUE ME NOT BEING A QUITER BY SHOWING HER WHAT KID OF MAN AND FATHER I CAN BE. I will try everything in my power to show her and my kids that. I have a hard time of me just sitting back and letting her decide. I have to do something. Tonight I am going to clean the house. Tomorrow I will wash and paint the house. Then I will clean her closet. Over all this take care of my kids. Put pictures on the wall to show how we are.

I accept the punishment. I mean I changed my email, shaved my beard, changed my number, haven't contacted her family, not be selfish... All she has asked. I want to show here that I am man... but I am not a man without her. I understand what I did and understand what she is going through. Would I ever feel it to her extreme no but I am here tryng to do everything. I love my fmaily.

She knows what pushes my buttons. I just have to say " I understand... I know I am an , but let me show how I want to change how I want you in my life. I am commited to you and only you"

Does anyone make a mistake? Do people ever work it out?

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Originally Posted by joel82

does anyone make a mistake? Do people ever work it out?

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Yes,we all make mistakes and sometimes there just is no quick fix !
We have to work hard .
It is especially hard to rebuild trust after it has been shattered.
Keep working on being kind and don't keep bringing it up.
Ask her what she expects from you now and what you should be doing.
Listen to her and do it.

You screwed up. You know it. You want a quick fix. Not going to happen.

If I knew an answer that would make everything magically better, I would be a wealthy man. But I don't. Nobody does. Your wife has to heal. Let her.

How were things before the affair? You say that you know WHY you did it. Tell us why. Please don't even think about blaming your wife, because it won't sell here. You had sex with another woman, because YOU wanted to. First things first, take full responsibility for your actions.

Next, I can not believe that your wife is, or was, still having sex with you. Stop trying. The next time you are horny, or get an erection, slam it in the screen door. The last thing you need to do is to use sex as a tool to get closer to her. Remember, that's what got you into this mess in the first place.

Go to therapy with her, and let her know that you are willing to do anything that is necessary to get her trust back. It's going to be a long row to hoe.

We all make mistakes. But you are in it deep. Don't expect a quick end to this.

We really don't appreciate the things that we have until they are in jeopardy.

Oh yeah, don't expect points for ending the affair, or changing your contact information. You got caught with your hand in the cookie jar. So don't play THAT card.

Think before you speak.

Because you my friend, are walking on eggshells. Rightfully so.

I wish you luck. You seem sincere.

I'm glad I'm not you right now. My day just seemed a little better.

Let us know how things are going. You might need a support team.