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-   -   Is it over? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=401927)

  • Oct 2, 2009, 09:41 AM
    Teeny40
    Is it over?
    Hi,

    This is my first time using this site and I am hoping you all can help. I have been in a relationship for one year and I have known Mike for almost 3 years. Mike is a single Dad of 4 (3 living at home) and I have one daughter. I have become very close to his children as he has with mine. We do not live together but do everything together-family vacations, etc. Mike has a demanding job (law enforcement). Within the first month of our relationship I became the surrogate Mom-dropping the kids off, picking them up, making dinner and other meals if needed to help Mike because I truly care and love him and his children. He would do the same if I was at work. He started working the night shift in May and things started to change-his mood, his attitude and overall outlook. I took everything in stride and have been understanding of his job. This summer my Dad (my only surviving parent) became ill and passed away-I was and am devastated. Mike did not come to the funeral because he had to work. I needed him to be there for me and he wasn't. I decided to look past it. One week ago my daughter turned 10 and I had a party for her with friends, family etc. Mike's daughters came with me to help prepare for the party. I had spoken to Mike the previous evening and asked him if he needed me to pick him up, etc. for the party as I knew he would need to sleep at some point (I suggested he sleep at my house). Mike said no I will be there. Mike never showed up or called. I had confided in my sister about how hurt I was and how I would never forget his children's birthdays, I was destroyed that he would have such disregard but nonetheless I gave him the benefit of the doubt-did he oversleep? Is he OK? I texted him the next morning and asked why he didn't come and if he was OK? Before I got a response I received a call from him saying he had overslept and truly forgot about her party. The next thing he said was that my sister called him and laid everything out for him-how he should have been there and how I would never forget something like that for his kids, he uses me for the benefit of his children, etc. I was shocked. I was upset with my sister for going behind my back but in a way she is right. We have talked but he is mad at me for "betraying" his trust and I should never confide in family or friends about our relationship-it is between us. I haven't seen him in a few days and the last contact we had was an email and he said he needs to think about if he even wants to continue the relationship anymore. I still took his children to school but have made it clear to him that if I don't have a relationship with him my relationship with his children ends as well. Do I draw a line in the sand and move on? Wait until he makes up his mind about us? I don't know what to do or think. I will be so sad-not only am I dealing with losing my Dad now I have to deal with this loss, possibly. Help!
  • Oct 2, 2009, 06:51 PM
    talaniman
    I think you give yourself time, and space, to sort yourself out. You have been devastated, and need to recover, so let everyone involved fend for themselves, while you heal.

    Family and close reliable friends can help, he and his kids cannot.

    Really sorry for your loss, but take care of yourself.
  • Oct 3, 2009, 01:32 AM
    amicon
    Waiting for someone to make up their mind s not a good idea.
    I suggest you move on with your life and your children.
    He should sort his own life out but let him do that on his own.
    Take care.

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