I have been with my girlfriend off and on for 2 yrs now. We have finally worked everything out and we are happy as can be and planning to get married soon, BUT there's one thing. She is very simple in bed. I can count on one hand how many times she's given me oral. She only really likes the man in top position. When she's drinking she kind of steps out side her box and try different things, so I know she’s capable of being a little freaky in bed. I've tried talking to her about it and she say's she's just really concretive, and she has never done anything "freaky". How can I get her to try different things? Does any one know of a book or video that can help? I love this girl with all my heart and I want to marry her but I think the sex will be a deal breaker. I think I sound very shallow but I know eventually I'll get broad. Can anyone suggest anything?

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Originally Posted by Dallasboy

I have been with my girlfriend off and on for 2 yrs now. We have finally worked everything out and we are happy as can be and planning to get married soon, BUT there's one thing. She is very simple in bed. I can count on one hand how many times she's given me oral. She only really likes the man in top position. When she's drinking she kind of steps out side her box and try different things, so I know she's capable of being a little freaky in bed. I've tried talking to her about it and she say's she's just really concretive, and she has never done anything "freaky". How can I get her to try different things? Does any one know of a book or video that can help? I love this girl with all my heart and I want to marry her but I think the sex will be a deal breaker. I think I sound very shallow but I know eventually I'll get broad. Can anyone suggest anything?

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What on earth does "concretive" mean?

Please go to the public library and check the Dewey Decimal number 612.6 and nearby. That's where you can find books like The Joy of Sex and More Joy of Sex, etc. with lots of illustrations and explanations of sex positions plus other how-to information. Read the books yourself and share them with your girlfriend to read alone and with you.

And do you start foreplay at least 12 hours before The Big Event? Foreplay doesn't happen only during the first ten minutes. Do you leave her little love notes in places where she can find them during the day? If you live together, do you help out around the house, say, with laundry and dishes and picking up after yourself? Are you there for her emotionally and as a good listener, listening to her venting without always trying to fix the problem? (Yes, sometimes we just want to vent.) Do you stroke her cheek as you walk or stand near her, and sometimes give her a hug for no reason?

Sex is a lot more than her thinking outside the box. It's also YOU thinking outside the box.

That's just the thing I'm the affection one in the relationship. I always hold her and talk to her and kiss her on the fore head. She really doesn't like a lot of touchy feely thing. I do everything to try to loosen her up. I just really want to spice things up and have her to enjoy sex and not do things to please me as if it’s a chore.

How old are you both?

She's 31, I'm 30

You might not be able to at all. Usually by the time people are 30, they've settled into their personality.

Honestly, it sounds to me like she might not enjoy sex at all--at least not to the point of reaching orgasm.

Try reading some books together about sex, and talking about what you both like.

By the way--what kind of freaky are you wanting here? Some kinds of freaky, you just ain't going to get out of the average woman.

I'm not into whips and chains, or anything. I just want more in the bedroom, and I agree with the statement. She may be set in her ways now.

Well, here's the thing:

Couples need to be able to communicate, and to compromise. If you can't have an open, honest conversation about sex and what you'd like with your girlfriend, then you have issues outside of the bedroom.

I know PLENTY of women (and men!) who do not like to give oral sex. That's their choice--and nothing you do is going to make them want to do it.

I do, however, find it surprising that she only likes the missionary position. That position is notoriously difficult for the woman to orgasm in--which is why I'm wondering if she IS having an orgasm during sex. Not saying it's not possible--many of the women I've talked to CAN have orgasms that way--but that it's harder than, say, woman on top.

What does she say when asked about new positions?

I've found the right angle to make her orgasm during missionary. She has tried to be on top and she's not very good at it. When I try to tell her how to do it she thinks she not doing it right. As for oral I was her first, and she has said she likes it, but she doesn't want to do it all the time. She's a real brainy act and over thinks everything and she brings that over thinking to the bed room.

This is where foreplay HOURS before the event comes into play.

Betcha when you've been drinking (you plural--when the TWO of you have been drinking) that you've been flirting and teasing all evening too.

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Originally Posted by Dallasboy

I've found the right angle to make her orgasm during missionary. She has tried to be on top and she's not very good at it. When I try to tell her how to do it she thinks she not doing it right. As for oral I was her first, and she has said she likes it, but she doesn't want to do it all the time. She's a real brainy act and over thinks everything and she brings that over thinking to the bed room.

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Don't tell her she is not doing it right.Gently move her to the position that works for both of you.
The kama sutra is a fascinating tool to get couples engaged in a spiritual way that in turn enlightens them and creates a bond that creates sexual intimacy and a desire to achieve oneness.Great for a brainiac.

The positions are varied and begin with easy and progress in difficulty as one advances.

It is an all encompassing tool to increase sexual unity.
This might be right up her alley as she sounds as if she needs to learn to feel comfortable with her body in a more visceral sense.

Buy the book.See what happens.
Tell her it is not about sex but about intimacy and see if you don't get a more willing participant.

That's what frustrating; if we go out and have a few drinks the sex is good. When there's no alcohol involved it's like she's thinking about what to do and how to do it. Witch really takes away from the intimacy of having sex

Have you talked to HER about that?

I mean, in a non-intimate moment, have you said that it's frustrating for you that the only thing that gets her to let go is alcohol?

While you're at the library looking for the books I suggested, look at either 306.7 or 613.96 for a book on the Kama Sutra. Or Google the term and find info on the Web.

I think you're concentrating too much on what's wrong with her and not enough on what you can do to improve your sex life with her.

This situation sounds very frustrating. I am having a similarly frustrating problem with my husband but it involves his oral sex techniques. I think that before you can rule her out of the marriage equation you need to exhaust yourself discussing your needs. You are both in a relationship to get your needs met, sexual and otherwise. If you cannot get her to share that part of your life with you then you will be missing out on something that you obviously want. So, I say talk, talk, talk. Tell her what you want, what you need, how you can help her open up and enjoy it more. Ask her what is holding her back because she needs to be able to leave her mind outside of it and just feel what is going on between the two of you to enjoy it the way she should. Does she workout? That may sound like a dumb question but I found that once I started really working out that I could do much more being on top than when I was out of shape. But really I think that this needs to be something that she wants to make a wonderful experience that she can share with you, if she doesn't feel that way, she needs to read a book about relationships or something. You and her both should be in it for each other and she needs to understand that.

I would actually suggest a book on Tantric Sex, rather than the Kama Sutra. Tantric sex takes you through a range of 'exercises' to establish a greater heart and sexual connection between couples. It is gentle, non invasive and leads you potentially into the Kama Sutra.

I agree with the 'talk, talk' advice but ask you to beware of making her feel inadequate or defensive. Generally in relationships the sex just evolves because the couple love each other and want to explore the feelings and connection that loving sex generates. It can take time and practice.

However, both people need to want to do this. What you need to gauge is how prepared and open your GF is to exploring her sexuality and her connection with you in the context of your mutual sexual relationship. If she is unwilling or uninterested you, sadly, may need to reconsider marriage. It will not get better only worse and you already know that it's a deal breaker.

I'm only 20 but I'm my experience I was shy until the guy started to be more intresting personally I'm down for anything... if you put me there so try putting her in a different position wemon like when a guy shows his strangth in bed flip her over or move her body into whatever position um about the head part talk to her ask about getting like those flavor things or even chocolate or carmel syrup

Best thing you can do is communicate... and realise at best... you might get small changes in the short term, but cumulatively over years they can amount to large changes.

It IS possible she is set in her ways and will resist ANY change... but it is possible she might be receptive to small changes if presented to her in a manner she finds acceptable. Keep in mind, she sets the pace. Push it and she WILL push back. Keep in mind, there is no guarantee that she will accept change at all. Will you be happy with her if nothing changes. You have to accept people as they are... if you can't then you are setting yourself and her up for unhappiness and wasted years.

I don't know her so I can't judge how receptive she might be... so be happy as she is and count any changes as a gift.