I have this problem with my husband (or maybe it is with me). Every time he gives me oral it just seems unsatisfying and like nothing's going on for me. I have had other men in my past give me oral sex and it was amazing. But we have been married for 5 years and still no matter how much coaching I give him he just doesn't seem to do it for me. Is there something wrong with me? He says every other girl he's given it to was super happy with the job he did. I don't understand how he could've been satisfying them if he was doing it to them like he does it to me.

I think it might be his technique that doesn't quite do it for me. The part that's frustrating is I've told him where to focus (clitoris) and it's like it requires more effort than he's willing to put it. He says he can't possibly lick my the way I ask him to because it's too hard, fast, crazy. But I've had other guys get me off without even having to say two words to them about what to do.

Poor guy is a bit selfish I guess. Going after the nectar (good tasting parts) instead of something that doesn't taste as good (the ).

Attacking the first thing doesn't work either.

I'll admit, there is a technique and it usually involves teasing and you leave the for last.

Let me describe his technique: It's like the dog trying to lick the bottom of an empty bowl. Right?

Won't work.

I've gotten girls off by saying three words " for me". It worked many times over with this one girl. I call it aural sex. Women can be trained to on command, although she was not so called "trained".t

What works for one woman doesn't usually work for the next woman. He as a guy needs to be able to read your reactions... that along with some verbal ques from you will get you there... but if one of those things breaks down then the show doesn't go on.

Frustration will only hamper that as well. Either he is completely inept... or your coaching isn't specific enough and the poor guy just can't find the donkey to pin the tail on (remember the game of pin the tail on the donkey).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by brookss3

I think it might be his technique that doesn't quite do it for me. The part that's frustrating is I've told him where to focus (clitoris) and it's like it requires more effort than he's willing to put it. He says he can't possibly lick my the way I ask him to because it's too hard, fast, crazy. But I've had other guys get me off without even having to say two words to them about what to do.

---

It also sounds like you (and your past lovers) have conditioned yourself to respond to a frenzied pace that he may not be able to keep up.

Maybe you are looking for a quick climax instead of laying back and letting the sensations build?

Not all women are alike and not all men can perform the same way.

Some women, I have talked to would have said that your past lovers were the lazy ones, because it sounds like they went for the quick and easy release instead of working up to it.

Well I wouldn't say they were lazy since it usually went on for quite a while and was very satisfying. Maybe it is just that is what my previous lovers were more voracious in there attempts to pleasure me. I guess he just has a different style and I should stop expecting it to feel the way it has before and maybe then I can enjoy what he has to offer.

It is a hard one... I have had the same problem before. Teh only things I can say are that it is important to communicate what you would ideally like (which you have done), What parts of what he does you do like (hey... you might find another way/another thing you like? Who knows... tell him to be adventurous and to try new movements/places etc) and to let him know how important this is to you. Sometimes I think some men are a bit lazy... I mean think what we have to do for them sometimes! Effort is needed on both parts to make sex good. Also, did you know that there are whole books devoted to knowing how to give good cunnilingus? Let him know how frustrated you are otherwise resentment will build...

Oh I am past resentment. This has been going on for 5 years. In the last 2 years he has started actually trying to do it. The first three he didn't even attempt it. I resented him when he wouldn't try. Now I am just to the point of thinking it must be my expectation and not his lack of effort. He definitely was lazy for the first 3 years though, very frustrating. And believe me I loved to reciprocate for him. It was one of my favorite things to do. Then it began feeling as if I was the only one who wanted to make the other feel good. Now he tries though so I don't feel resentful. I guess he kind of gets offended when I suggest reading books and articles.

I will have a think and get back to you...

No man likes to be told he is not good enough, especially at pleasing his woman.

Its worse to hear that other guys in the past were better than him, so I hope you don't tell him these things.

It was not good of him to be lazy for 3 years and not do it for you, but some guys are like that. He is putting in the effort now, but I guess he needs a lot more coaching and education from you, not a book, and even when you let him know how you like it, do it in a nice, affectionate way, not in a condescending way...

No I did not tell him about my past encounters with other men and oral sex, that would be completely insensitive and heartless and mean. I love him but I do think that the first time I tried to guide to a better technique made him feel inadequate and that may have prompted him to give up for so long. I am probably a little blunt (or a lot), I just thought when he tells me what to do to get him off, I don't get offended I just go for it, I want to know how to make it better. He takes it as though I am saying he isn't good at it.

What if you just let him do what he does, and if you move a little while he is doing it, so he hits the right spots sometimes, and if he does, then really let him know you like it.

Basically, you are showing him indirectly what you like, and still letting him think that HE found the right spot to make you scream.

If you want him to go faster or something, tell him to do it in a tone that is not so much like an order, but more of a pleasure moan or something, like you are building up to your climax.

You also might have to understand that he may not be as strong or he may not be able to reach the speeds you would like him to be at unfortunately.

Tell him to do tongue exercises! Haha... in a sexy kind of way ;)

Your average guy IF he knows anything about women, will know everyone does not like it the same. Thus those guys will not feel inadequate. After all, we can't read minds and it's a monumental effort to figure it out just by physical reactions even IF he is attuned and knows how to interpret them. Most don't.

Thanks guys, you've been very insightful and helpful. I think I can deal with this situation with a whole new level of hope and a better perspective about my husband and how my responses to his efforts might need to change to let the situation blossom into something more fulfilling. I wish I would've asked sooner. Thanks!

I think that you should get your husband a copy of the book "The Sensuous Man". It teaches men how to properly please a woman. It has exercises for guys to do. You get some grapes, and try to peel them with your tongue. It shows guys the "important" parts to concentrate on. It also has sections on positions, foreplay, and atmosphere.

I read my brothers copy when I was 16, and it really has paid off. I think All young men should read it, and books like it.

There's nothing worse than a selfish, clumsy lover.

They also have "The Sensuous Woman".

I can't imagine having just been satisfied, leaving a woman all worked up, to finish off herself. There's no excuse for behavior like that.

Why do we have so many things in common!

My husband has the same problem. He's just not good at it. No matter how hard he tries it just doesn't feel good to me. So, we just gave up. He just doesn't give me oral. I'm pretty satisfied with that though because my orgasms are mindblowing. So maybe you should just decide that it's a lost cause. That might be bad advice but it seems to work for us.

Oral should never be a lost cause! Maybe you just discourage him too much. The next time he gives you oral, even if he doesn't completely hit the right spot but somewhat close to it, encourage him a bit moan louder make sure he hears that he's doing a good job.
I know that if I gave a guy head and he didn't coment about it being good or anything id get discouraged and probably stop trying after a while too. He just neads to experiment a bit more.

Get him to kiss your inner thighs and work his way up.
Make him use a brush blush and gently work his way around your vagina.
If both those don't work, get a finger viberater, play around with it. There's lots of sex toys that he could use while giving oral.

Good luck. All he needs is a confidance booster :)

I disagree with the previous post. If you moan louder and tell him he's doing a good job but he isn't then what gets accomplished? He's proud of himself but you are still left unsatisfied. The finger vibrator is a good idea though. It definitely could work.