Hello,

First post here so hope I am doing this right.

I have two special needs kids and am trying to figure how to prove mental abuse and control for me, him not doing what the kids really need, and want to go out of state for post-bac work in a rather niche field of special needs. No immediate family left, and what there is and few friends are all, except for one friend, in yet another state. All of his family is also in the same state as my friends and family members.

He self-employs, much less now than he used too, I have worked one year since the kids were born, they are now 6 and almost 5. Kids get SSI, and our fixer upper is paid for. Has both our names, although my mother's estate money bought it. He has already mentioned jokingly if I ever want to leave, just sign over the control of the kids money and hit the road.

We have been married about 12 years this past August. I feel very trapped and am so past very done with the control and harassment. I should mention he spent 20 years in prison many years ago.

I do not want to overwhelm anyone at first here, so just wanted to put that out there for starters.

Any ideas are much appreciated.

Thank you everybody!

Have you seen a lawyer? Many times you can get a free consult, or get a pro bono/sliding scale lawyer through a legal association in your county.

(I'm impressed with your writing and how you express yourself. And you're the first questioner I've seen who spelled "niche" correctly.)

Wondergirl, I have a lawyer in mind. I have to save up $250 for the one hour I can get, but I think she really knows her stuff. I had a pro bono lawyer for a fender bender and I know that I really want some paid advice as much as possible from that experience.

Thanks for commenting on my writing skills, it is all thanks to my BA in English. So yes, getting to a lawyer is on the to-do list. I just wanted to hone my list of questions for her first, as I do not want to waste a minute of her time or mine! And thank you very much for your reply!

The first question you are going to have to answer to yourself is what do you hope to accomplish in a perfect world.

Do you want him gone, paying support and taking them every other weekend? Do you want to sell and split the house and move to another state?

Establishing where you want to go is the first step of figuring out how to get there.

Thank you, stevetcg. I have a counseling appointment tomorrow. All of those things sound good but I am hoping to hack out a priority list and go from there. Thanks for clarifying my starting point!