Ok my second time writing this...
Basically, I am here. So I recognise something isn't 100% right with me. I don't know where to draw the line between my creative writer side and a possible disorder. In quizzes, I am either OCD, possible bi polar or ADD. I can't be all.
So, I have trouble organising my life, motivating myself, completing things and focusing.
I suffer from a hell of a lot self doubt. I have to constantly seek reassurance.
I strangely feel, for the last 3 years, no one see's the real me. Both in personailty and looks. I live in my head a lot. Enjoying what ifs and just plain imagination. But when is enough enough?? I feel like I am not good enough and often get annoyed with people or jealous towards them. I also have strange thoughts where I worry about dying. And sometimes wonder and imagine what people would say if I died. I think that is weird. I often make plans or study plans which I re do over and over but never actually study lol... I get entuasiastic and over excited about something and then extremely upset if I'm let down. My ex broke up with me 4 weeks ago, and had fierce trouble accepting it. I went through the denial, anger stages except I went through them over and over. Obsessively. Id always check my phone and if I didn't hear from him of his own accord ,id simply start a fight. I changed my mind rapidly and uncontrollably. I wanted to be his friend, I didn't etc . But this happened hourly. Whenever the mood took me. We now don't talk because I drove him away. I don't know if that's what breaking up is like but I don't think re reading IM messages and texts is normal. I uncontrollably change my morals a lot. I either decide I'm not a drinker or I'm a total party girl. I go from one extreme to the other. No balance. I could over eat and binge one day, the next, id eat little and exercise a lot. I also project other peoples personalities (charcters from bks, tv) onto me because people might like me more. But I think people find this confusimg. I also find I zone out or don't literally hear people talk and then other times, I want to dominate the conversation. I always thought I was level headed but something must of triggered this behaviour. Millions of images and thoughts flying around in my head, preventing me from focusing can't be normal. It isn't normal and its distressing me now. Please help me
