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-   -   Birthmother wants to modify her visitiation rights with my daughter (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=399759)

  • Sep 25, 2009, 08:49 AM
    schuuch
    Birthmother wants to modify her visitiation rights with my daughter
    I have full custody of my daughter. Her birthmother has visitation of 4 hours every 2 weeks but she only shows up on Christmas Day. Last time my daughter visited her mother's house (years ago) she was molested by her half-brother while her mother was out at a party; this is documented with DHS. Last year, I reluctantly agreed for her mother to have her for 5 days with the agreement that the half-brother would not be present at any time; her mother cancelled at the last minute. My daughter does not want to go visit her mother any more. She is 12. Last night I was served papers entitled "motion to modify visitation". What can I do to prevent her from being successful?
  • Sep 25, 2009, 12:16 PM
    stevetcg

    Hire a good lawyer and tell them exactly what you said here. Its clear that she has not had a great history using the visitation she already has... chances of her getting more if you fight it are not great.

    Is she trying to have the support order modified or just wants more visits?
  • Sep 25, 2009, 12:33 PM
    schuuch
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post
    Hire a good lawyer and tell them exactly what you said here. Its clear that she has not had a great history using the visitation she already has... chances of her getting more if you fight it are not great.

    Is she trying to have the support order modified or just wants more visits?
    Thanks for your response. She is just wanting longer visitations - stating her reasons (1) she has a more stable living environment now (2) she has moved out of state.
    To give you an example of this woman's character (and could this be used in court? ), she named my daughter after a white supremacist group - we were not together at the time - I went to court a few years ago and had it legally changed. In my opinion it wasn't right, fair or safe to expect a person to go through life with that! I am embarrassed that I was with such a person.
  • Sep 25, 2009, 12:36 PM
    stevetcg

    Her character is open to debate and usually not considered. The fact that she has not had consistent contact/visitation and the fact your daughter is not really for it will both work heavily against her/for you.

    I would still get a lawyer though.
  • Sep 25, 2009, 12:41 PM
    schuuch
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post
    Her character is open to debate and usually not considered. The fact that she has not had consistant contact/visitation and the fact your daughter is not really for it will both work heavily against her/for you.

    I would still get a lawyer though.
    Yea, I understand what you are saying. I just used this example because it not only shows her mind-set, but also a total lack of regard for her daughter's happiness and safety. I will follow your advice and get an attorney. Thank you for your help.
  • Sep 25, 2009, 12:47 PM
    stevetcg
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by schuuch View Post
    Yea, I understand what you are saying. I just used this example because it not only shows her mind-set, but also a total lack of regard for her daughter's happiness and safety. I will follow your advice and get an attorney. Thank you for your help.
    You're welcome. It will also help to maintain a journal of all contact and missed contacts from now until eternity.

    Keep notes of dates and times when she missed her court ordered visitation, when she calls and for how long. Many states will also allow your daughter's opinions to be heard. She is on the young side in many states, but her feelings on the matter should be taken into consideration by the court.

    Also... how old is the DHS case? Has your daughter had to have counseling over the incident? Does it still cause her distress? If it comes down to it, you can seek a restraining order on her behalf preventing them from being in the same house at the same time.
  • Sep 25, 2009, 01:04 PM
    schuuch
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post
    Youre welcome. It will also help to maintain a journal of all contact and missed contacts from now til eternity.

    Keep notes of dates and times when she missed her court ordered visitation, when she calls and for how long. Many states will also allow your daughter's opinions to be heard. She is on the young side in many states, but her feelings on the matter should be taken into consideration by the court.

    Also... how old is the DHS case? Has your daughter had to have counseling over the incident? Does it still cause her distress? If it comes down to it, you can seek a restraining order on her behalf preventing them from being in the same house at the same time.
    That brings up another sore subject. She calls about once a month or so and usually manages to get my daughter so upset by telling her "Mommy's going to get an attorney and you are going to come stay with me all summer long" etc, etc. She talks to her like she is still 3 years old. My daughter will end up in tears, very aggrivated, or "distant" at best.

    Although her mother has accused me into brainwashing our daughter into believing she was molested, the boy has even admitted to it, and both children were court ordered into therapy. That took place approximately 6 years ago. The boy is only 2 years older than my daughter, but he is now 300 pounds and it's more than my heart can handle to think of my little 90 pound daughter in the same house as him. I do not know if the memories of the incident or the fact that her mother doesn't believe her cause her more stress. But what it tells me is that she will not be protected if she goes. If she is successful in gaining additional visitation it is my hope and prayer that at least the court will offer some remedy of protection for her.
  • Sep 25, 2009, 01:15 PM
    stevetcg

    Both items here should be brought up in court.

    Keep in mind, everything about support and visitation has the caveat of "in the best interest of the child". Im not a judge and might be prejudiced having a baby girl myself, but nothing about what your ex is suggesting sounds like its in the best interest of your daughter. However, I am fairly level headed as are most judges.

    And please do not forget to keep the idea of a restraining/protection order in your pocket in case this does not go how it should. A restraining order overrides a visitation order.
  • Sep 25, 2009, 01:18 PM
    cdad
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stevetcg View Post
    Both items here should be brought up in court.

    Keep in mind, everything about support and visitation has the caveat of "in the best interest of the child". Im not a judge and might be prejudiced having a baby girl myself, but nothing about what your ex is suggesting sounds like its in the best interest of your daughter. However, I am fairly level headed as are most judges.

    And please do not forget to keep the idea of a restraining/protection order in your pocket in case this does not go how it should. A restraining order overrides a visitation order.
    I hate to split hairs but a restraining order does not override a custody visitation order. It IS grounds for a change but it doesn't overide it. At the time of the restraining order the modification can be requested and made.
  • Sep 25, 2009, 01:21 PM
    stevetcg
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by califdadof3 View Post
    I hate to split hairs but a restraining order does not override a custody visitation order. It IS grounds for a change but it doesnt overide it. At the time of the restraining order the modification can be requested and made.
    Fair enough. Results are the same though... and that's what is important.

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